


Holographs on the Shelf

by VintageVulpes



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Almost Kiss, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Bang, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, IT'S FINALLY HERE, Major Character Injury, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Platonic Cuddling, Presumed character death, Recovery, Resolved Sexual Tension, Some Survivors, discussions of depression, kind of undercover missions, my first one, post scarif, runs throughout original trilogy, the kiss, undercover-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 70,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27767944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VintageVulpes/pseuds/VintageVulpes
Summary: Making it off of Scarif puts Jyn and Cassian on a journey they never would have expected. The future was theirs to take and on the path of self discovery and healing, physically and mentally, they find that there was more to hope than just founding rebellions; there was peace. With the destruction of the Death Star, the Rebellion has the advantage and they'll do what they can to help, even if that means sitting still for awhile.But when Davits Draven visits Cassian, with regards from Mon Mothma, asking him to go on a field mission after years of being off active duty, Jyn learns quickly that peaceful futures don't necessarily include spending it with the one you thought would always be there...All art created by the talented dasakuryo!
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 260
Kudos: 80
Collections: Rebelcaptain Big Bang 2020





	1. 2 ABY

Working in the rain was the worst. While everyone else could stay sheltered either by staying indoors, standing under awnings, or carrying umbrellas as they jogged through the streets to get out of the rain sooner, he had to stand and let his boots fill up with rain water. Despite the downpour, it was a relatively quiet day. The markets were quiet but those who braved the weather darted around like gyzkas, dodging the bigger puddles and bending at the waist while trying to cover their heads as though the rest of their bodies weren't still getting soaked. Even the birds had the brains to hide but that didn't stop their chorus. A small group of children, wearing the most basic of clothes and worn out shoes, ran past, splashing water up under their tiny feet, and he watched left from right as they went by. 

Should they not be at home? He checked his chrono; it was still, technically, daytime but the black clouds covered the sky so completely, the only light came from the periodic flashes of lightning. 

Overhead, a pair of TIE fighters rushed by with the distinctive screeching of ion engines which normally instilled terror in others but, for the occupied city, it was just another, typical sound; no different than the fauna that found their way inside the walls to scavenge. Still, he looked up and watched them race by, asserting their authority. Just as they disappeared out of view, an explosion occurred and, out of instinct, he bent forward as the blast resounded off the duracrete roads and buildings -- the debris hailed around him, pinging off his armor. 

All around him bodies littered the ground, surrounded by rubble. Women wept, children wailed, and men shouted; for some it was reversed. Those who had their wits about them tried to mitigate the damages but as he straightened to investigate, along with the others in his unit, he realized that they had been the target. Their satellite base was destroyed - his officers' mangled bodies the majority of the casualties in the streets, the bowels of the building charred; black and still flaming. Smoke lifted and rolled like waves of the ocean and, for once, he was glad he couldn't _smell_ through the filter on his helmet. 

What a wretched smell, the scent of burnt flesh and hair. Perhaps worse than the sight of it all but even though he couldn't smell it now, he remembered it the same way one remembers the smell of a childhood home or their mother -- though, of course, lacking any of the fondness. He scanned the immediate area and noticed a man skulking in the shadows, holding his side. The fact that he had blood pulsing between his fingers wasn't necessarily out of place but the reaction to the carnage was more of surprise and inconvenience than it was shock and devastation. Then, he realized, there was far too much blood on the man’s clothes and hands for so soon after the explosion. 

"You there," he said, his mic clicking. He started to approach the suspicious man and the expression he saw shifted into one more befitting the situation; confused, disoriented, pained. "Sir…" he started when the suspect started to back up and go the other way. "Stop right there!" 

The man took off. 

"On me!" he shouted into his comm. "Potential suspect. In pursuit." 

Soon, half his unit was following him while they chased a wounded man, who had far too much agility considering the amount of blood loss. 

"Stop or we'll shoot!" 

They chased him in an alley where he made a stand and nearly killed them all; seven of his fellow soldiers laid dead in the alley. However, a bolt caught the suspect in the forearm and he dropped his blaster, metal clattering and reverberating in echo against the walls. The suspect took off once again, slipping on the slick surfaces while he and the three in his unit that remained gave chase, their boots landing heavy in puddles and splashing the dirty water on civilians unaware of what was going on. 

They got to the crowded spaceport and the suspect, now clearly limping, threw credits in the air so the people swarmed around an isolated area, thickening and blocking his and the others' path to him. He watched, as the man disappeared up the ramp of a small transport and he shouted at the civilians to make a path, one of his men shooting into the air while another threatened to shoot them if they didn't move. 

The ship started to lift off. 

He started to fire into the air aiming at the ship until he noticed another trooper, with a repeater cannon and he gave the order; the man was guilty of something, that much was clear by his running. "Fire." 

The canon seemed to explode, all the civilians ducked and many of them cried out in surprise. An orange ball of fire flew through the air and hit the left wing of the ship just before it would have been out of range. It immediately listed to the right, upon impact, and started to spiral out of control. His squad and civilians alike stared up at the sky, watching the trail of black smoke as it descended rapidly and disappeared on the other side of the wall, amongst the trees. 

The explosion followed only twenty seconds later. 

Then, the people seemed to remember who was behind them and, all at once, they scurried off to put distance between him and the others in the same armor. He saluted the canon-weilding 'trooper and turned on his heel, ordering the others to follow him as he adjusted his orange shoulder pad.


	2. 0 BBY

Jyn closed her eyes and blinked herself into darkness, shielded from and blinded to the blue sky, the ocean like crystal against the sands, which were white and fine against her skin. She closed her eyes and felt that much more as Cassian’s nose brushed against her neck while they shifted against one another and relaxed into one another’s arms, like neither of them had felt this _safe_ in all their lives and they needed the comfort of a kindred, touch-starved soul as they faced their final moments. She closed her eyes and, for a long moment, her body felt heavier than ever but in a sated, perfect way; like easing into a bed after a long day. 

There was a lifetime of stress and pain and Jyn was so tired, not just physically, and this was her peace. The cave in her mind was fading to nothing and there was only the serenity that Cassian’s embrace offered. That _he_ offered. Death was coming but she never felt more at ease. 

There was a warm, salty breeze that rustled the fronds on the palm trees just off the shore, wafting off the crawling, cerulean waves, that licked at her legs. Her hair was flicking about her face, blown away from her temples, drying in sweat and sand as the heat rushed towards them.

Yet all she could think was that she could _hear_ it; she could hear the murmurous of Scarif.

It was so quiet now, quiet enough that she could hear the crackling of flames to her left, muffled but present. Brown noise coupled with the white noise of the ocean. Just minutes ago it had been a war-zone, battle cries lost to the sound of x-wings and TIE fighters flying by, most of them exploding in the air, raining shrapnel down in a fiery hail while AT-AT’s stormed the beach, and grenade explosions resounded across the battlefield. 

The light was coming closer, nearly blinding her even through her eyelids and she pinched them shut further, pressing her face against his cheek, feeling the burn of his stubble against her skin. She could feel Cassian’s embrace tighten around her, his fingers curling into a fist in her vest as he pressed his face further against her neck, his eyelashes tickling her skin, and somehow she found herself smiling. In another life, another time, this would be perfect. A beautiful beach, Cassian giving her the hug she never imagined herself wanting, _needing_. More than that, the weight ever present on her shoulders, the bantha on her chest that kept her from taking a deep, relaxed breath in all her life, was gone. The fight was over. 

This was success and yet she wanted to wail; why now? This wasn’t meant to be the end, Cassian said ‘keep the engine running’. What could have been with just a little more time? Why them? 

Jyn lifted her left hand from around his shoulders to pet the back of his head, his hair soft - as she had imagined it would be - between her fingertips. Protecting him, shielding him as if it would be enough. As if to say _thank you_ through their contact. _Thank you for being here with me_.

“... I said, _get up_!” A voice shouted from her left just as Cassian was pulling away from her. She turned towards the disruption and Cassian's absence revealed a rebel sprinting towards them, white sand kicked up behind his boots. Although he was clearly addressing them, his eyes were fixated on the encroaching horizon. "Come on!" 

In a hurried frenzy of hands pushing one another while pulling their legs up from under themselves, Cassian and Jyn got back on their feet. Jyn lifted Cassian's arm over her shoulders once again as he stumbled. Thankfully the rebel grabbed his other arm and the three of them, together, dragged themselves onto the battered u-wing; it looked no better than them. She glanced over her shoulder at the wave of earth, water, and _fire_ and wondered if the ship could possibly hold together in their escape, it had been close last time and their ship had been well-maintained then. 

They had barely set their boots from sand to durasteel when the ship lifted up and jerked them to the right as the pilot accelerated to get them out as fast as possible. All three of them stumbled, Cassian landing on top of the rebel, who scrambled up from under him and slammed his hand on the door control. He paused and met Jyn's gaze, her hair whipping into her eyes as the wind surged inside, throwing up anything light enough and out the door during their race against certain death. The door finally closed, the rushing in her ears fading a bit with the lack of gale but not from her racing heart. 

The man, another rebel, with a buzzed haircut, a deep laceration cut into the top of his head, his blood dried and clinging to the short hairs, and pained, bright blue eyes averted his gaze from Jyn to Cassian critically. She shifted as though to shelter Cassian from him. From his scrutinizing look. She knew Cassian was hurting - he was panting under her now, pained groans trapped in the back of his throat every few huffs - she didn’t need some guy to give her the doubtful look. The silent warning: _he’s not going to make it_. 

"Go. I've got him," Jyn barked and finally freed herself from being entangled between Cassian’s limbs. 

Only after their rescuer turned to leave did she notice two others in the corner of the ship, two more males, one twi'lek and the other human, huddled. The human was laid down against the hull, in a reclined position, hyperventilating as the twi'lek tried to staunch bleeding that could not be stopped. Neither looked her way but she kept watching. The pale orange male shifted on his knees and muttered something softly to the other, who looked as worn out as she felt, sweat beading at his temples and rolling down his cheeks as he closed his eyes and cursed. At both their sides was a pile of red-stained cloths and soiled gauze which was only added to when the healer shoved a used up jacket on top of the pile and grabbed at a vest on the bench to the human’s left side to replace it. 

A soft moan from Cassian brought her attention back to him and her stomach clenched, her chin quivering briefly, at the sound of the keening noise that Cassian made when she finally rested her hands on him to turn him onto his back. His eyebrows furrowed close together; three creases formed between them and the lines around his mouth seemed to become deeper, more defined, as he frowned. Although her fingers trembled, her body ached, and a painful ball of acid settled in the top of her chest, Jyn only wished she could take away Cassian’s pain - ease the agony etched in his features, just for a moment. 

"Hey, look at me," she ordered, her tone harsh, and clutched the front of his shirt to keep him from sliding across the ship's deck as they ascended higher and higher at a sharp angle. Once she had his gaze, she forced a grin onto her lips; wan and watery. "Stay with me, Cassian." 

The ship started to shake and jerk side to side with turbulence and, while Jyn looked up to catch a peek out of the view port, Cassian closed his eyes. She could feel the trembling in his lean frame, could venture a guess that the helplessness he no doubt felt was exacerbated by the blindness of the situation, the lack of control he had. Before, when they had been outrunning death as they did now, he had been piloting; had been able to face their doom head on and make judgement calls that had ultimately saved them. Now he was the one in the back, white knuckled and tense, waiting for the last jolt that would put their world into darkness. 

“Punch it,” a voice, feminine, shouted from the front. 

Jyn looked over her shoulder at them; a blonde woman and the rebel from the beach.

The rebel didn’t bother looking at the woman and, with a bloody, trembling hand, grappled at the toggle that pushed them into hyperspace. There was one last, violent dip of the ship -- the clang from outside, rubble of some kind, impacting and causing it to jerk -- that made Jyn flinch as she turned her head back to look down at Cassian while she half-covered him with her body. Then they slid down the durasteel deck, towards the back of the hull and closer to the other pair, with the force of entering lightspeed. Jyn slammed one palm down on the floor while the other held onto Cassian, wrapped around his torso. When they finally evened out, in a proper lane, and Jyn sat back on her calves, and looked around, searching. 

Cassian tried to sit up, his legs shifting restlessly while he braced his hands on the sandy floor but when she couldn’t hear him breathing anymore because he was holding his breath with the effort of lessening the pain while he moved, she quickly returned her attention back to him and pressed one hand on his chest while cradling the back of his head with the other; guiding him to lie back down. “Cassian, no. Please, just rest.”

“I--”

“No. There’s nothing for you to do, not right now,” she beseeched, pressing harder on his chest until finally he went where she insisted, laying down. After she was convinced he wasn’t going to attempt rising again, she removed her hands and shed her vest. Her limbs felt heavy, clumsy, but she folded her vest carefully before she placed it under Cassian’s head as a pillow to which Cassian reacted with a short huff through his nose and a brief, feeble grin.

“Stay here,” she ordered as she rose to her feet and started to look around again. 

Finally, she took three long, limping, strides to the overhead storage above the bench along the hull of the ship to the right of the other wounded man. She rummaged around, shoving mechanical components and repair kits aside forcefully, a hydrospanner falling out and clanging onto the floor. Cassian let out a small sound and Jyn looked over to see he had pinched his eyes closed and continued to shift awkwardly, restlessly; his boots squeaking against the floor even with the most minute of twitches in his legs. As she pressed her lips together, her arms still raised over her head with her fingers closed around a heat sink storage box while she resisted the urge to go to Cassian immediately, the rebel from the beach emerged from the cockpit, his boots thudding as he jumped down from his seat. 

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Jyn looked away from Cassian to the rebel, to the storage container, then back to the rebel. “I’m looking for a medkit.” 

He pointed to the wall behind her, where it was mounted. 

With no time to feel stupid or wonder why the twi’lek hadn’t grabbed it, she spun around and grabbed it with all the speed of a street urchin snatching a loaf of bread off a windowsill, and rushed back to Cassian, who opened his eyes and followed her approach without moving his head. She ripped it open and rummaged through to find an analgesic first and pressed the dispenser - a silver cylinder filled with red liquid - against his neck and depressed the release, the painkiller shoved through with a _hiss_. Then she tried to find something to help with the internal trauma he was suffering through. Inside, all she found was: tape, bandages, bacta spray, bacta patches, eye shields, a tourniquet, and a stabilizer with additional painkillers and stims. Nothing that would assist Cassian’s injured back and, likely, fractured ribs. 

With a grunt of frustration, Jyn slammed the last of the bandages down on the floor and hung her head as her shoulders slumped. 

“It’s okay,” Cassian said from beside her and she lifted her chin again, her eyebrows furrowed as she met his eyes. 

There was nothing more that could help Cassian but it could save the other man. She lifted her head and opened her mouth with the intention of getting the twi'lek’s attention only to find, when she actually looked at him, that he was already staring at her expectantly. Jyn shook her head to get her bangs out of her face and slid the kit across the floor from where she was by the door with Cassian to the back of the ship where they remained, the human still leaning against the hull. There was no use asking why he hadn’t already grabbed the kit himself, based on his friend’s condition he was prioritizing stopping the bleeding first.

Immediately he started to rummage through it, to find what could help, and Jyn chewed her lower lip for a moment before she spoke up. “Put him on his back, it’ll help slow the bleeding.”

He looked over his shoulder, his head tail shifting and falling to rest against his back. “What?”

“Lay him on his back.” When he complied, Jyn nodded and looked back to Cassian. 

Already, after getting the painkillers, he looked more relaxed but despite the lack of blood on his clothes or her hands, unlike the other survivor at the back of the ship, she worried about what she could _not_ see. She shook her head, despite what Cassian said, nothing about this was 'okay'; they lost their team and Cassian was in a bad way. Just as she opened her mouth to say something about it, the rebel from the beach, who looked more like a bounty hunter with his thick beard and burly, intimidating presence, shifted again and she snapped her mouth shut with a click of her molars. With her chest tight and the corners of her mouth pulled into a deep frown, Jyn looked at the rebel and tilted her head to regard him. 

“Did… do you know if anyone else made it?”

The rebel shook his head; whether a confirmed ‘no, no one made it’ or ‘I don’t know’ was unclear. 

She licked her lips, which parted and closed a few times as she exhaled through her nose. A deep breath and she mustered, “do you know if the transmission made it? Did the fleet get the plans?”

“We don’t know but we’re on our way back to Yavin four. There’s nothing left to do about it now though.”

“No,” Cassian concurred. Then he looked to Jyn and she turned to meet his eyes, hers burning as she read what he was trying to tell her: _there’s still hope_. 

Someone had been listening. She was sure of it.

Without looking back up at the rebel Jyn asked, “how long do we have?”

A female voice responded but Jyn barely acknowledged it and kept going through the medkit again, hoping to find something she had missed before. “We’re taking an indirect path just to make sure we’re not being followed b-”

“How indirect?” Jyn interrupted.

“About twenty standard hours to make the full loop…” 

“ _Twenty_ \--?” She finally looked up, sharp and full of righteous anger. “Do you see him? He needs medical attention!” Then she indicated to the back of the ship. “They both do!”

“We can’t risk it,” the male stated. 

“They can’t follow us through lightspeed. As long as you turned off the transponder, we’re clear right? You’re just wasting time that he-- _they_ don’t have!” She didn’t bother looking at the other two, but surely they agreed - one of them was bleeding out onto the floor. 

“Jyn,” Cassian interjected, his tone urgent as he grasped for her arm, squeezing her wrist. “It’s protocol. We’re coming in hot, we can’t put the whole base at risk. Not… not more than we may have already.” 

“But-”

“It’s _okay_.”

She wished he would stop saying that but she just swallowed thickly and nodded her understanding, her bangs bouncing into her line of vision as she bowed her head slightly. Then Cassian dropped his hand away to rest on his stomach and Jyn shifted to sit closer to his head while grabbing at a canteen hanging out of a half-opened backpack that had rolled off the bench in their rapid, shaky ascent out of atmo. Jyn shook the canteen to determine the level of the water, relief flooding her when she felt the weight and the lack of room to slosh the liquid around.

"Here." She opened it, sniffed the contents and took a test sip herself to confirm it was water, then helped Cassian sit up enough to take a drink without it spilling and gave it to him. 

His hands shook but he held it with both, determined to maintain his independence, his dignity, and managed well enough. When he was done he gave it back to her, which she held with one hand and helped lay him back down on the makeshift pillow with her other. Then she took another sip herself and closed it with a click before sliding it to the other two. Jyn glanced over her shoulder but the pilots had already returned to the cockpit. After a sigh, a huff through her nose, Jyn turned back to look at Cassian, who was staring at her with an unreadable expression that made her stomach twist. Her eyes flicked between his, trying to see what he was thinking, but soon his eyelids started to droop and she rolled her lips together before offering a small smile. 

"Get some rest, Cassian…" 

He swallowed and his eyes became more alert as he met her gaze. "Stay…?" 

Jyn's encouraging smile wavered. "I'll be here," she promised. 

"No," he amended breathlessly and lifted his right palm off the floor to hold up to her, his elbow still planted on durasteel. Jyn looked between his eyes and his hand before finally clasping her right hand with his, their thumbs hooked and her fingertips curled around the back of his hand. With a squeeze, Cassian held her attention. "Will you stay?" 

The corners of her mouth tugged into a faint frown as she readjusted her grip on his hand anxiously, her fingers twitching against his sand covered skin and heart pounding in her ears. "Only if you do." Jyn sniffled and lifted her left hand to rake her fingers across his scalp, from brow to the back of his head and repeated; transferring sand and sweat into his already damp hair. 

His eyebrows furrowed but he leaned into her touch and waited. 

"You welcomed me home, Cassian, it won't be the same if you're not there." 

A ghost of a smile tightened the corners of his eyes and lifted his lips into a lesser frown than before. Cassian nodded subtly and let his eyes fall closed as he brought her hand to rest on his chest, their hands still gripping one another. She could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest, noting the shallowness of each inhale and exhale, but it was confirmation nonetheless that he lived, his heartbeat strong under the back of her hand. 

"Just hold on…" she whispered and finally withdrew her hand from petting his hair back to caress his cheek with the backs of her fingers with one, passing stroke.

.  
.  
.

"How much longer?" Jyn asked, her voice muffled by the oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. It didn’t matter how long it had been, however, because she still couldn’t get the taste of salt from sweat and the grittiness of sand off her tongue and teeth. When she had the opportunity to rinse out her mouth she didn’t take it, now it was too late because removing the mask for too long for something as trivial as that seemed risky.

The others also wore a rebreather, Jyn having secured it over Cassian's face while he slept, the two pilots wearing their own, and one on each of the other two in the back.

It felt like an eternity, monitoring Cassian for changes while he slept and in between staring at the u-wing wall with a vacant expression as her mind ran wild with guilt, fear, and overall exhaustion. She had used the bacta spray on Cassian's forehead and cheek; it was a small effort and would do little to bring him comfort but it was something. Something to help him. Something to pass the time. Still, he slept through it all; the mending, the shifting, securing a mask on him and she was finding that she missed him.

"About six hours. We cut some corners to get us back a little sooner," the woman, Thalia, responded, turning to look out at her from the pilot's chair. Some of her blonde hair trapped along the edge of the rebreather straps against her gaunt cheeks.

The male rebel, Cohen, was asleep. The two of them had taken shifts for the trip back but she had learned their names in the eleven or so hours they had been traveling. It, too, at least passed the time. 

She looked down at Cassian after acknowledging Thalia's update and bit her lips between her teeth for a moment. Jyn opened her mouth and started to reach for Cassian but she froze when she heard a wet, loud _splat_ to her left. She looked and the twi’lek, Vihaan, had slapped soiled bandages on the cold, steel floor of the ship. 

“Vihaan…?”

“He’s gone,” he scoffed and wiped at his forehead with the clean part of his red stained hands. 

Jyn’s lower lip quivered and she looked away, back to Cassian, remorseful. So close yet so far. Would he have made it anyway, even if they didn’t follow ‘protocol’? She didn’t know, could never know, and all she could do was hope that Cassian didn’t have the same fate. 

Finally, she reached out and shook his shoulder. "Cassian… Cassian, wake up." 

Not a sound or flinch. 

" _Cassian_ ," she urged, panic swelling like a soaked sponge -- too heavy and uncomfortable behind her sternum -- and leaned closer, their cheeks nearly touching as she spoke into his ear. "I need you to wake up…" 

A sharp inhale through his nose indicated he came back and Jyn sat up to look at him. His eyes were open but they were surprisingly bright and glassy; a stark contrast to the dark circles forming under his eyes. 

"What's wrong," he asked and looked around, shifting his arms back as though prepared to get up and do something about whatever could be bothering her. 

"Nothing - well, uhm… we lost Seth.” She pushed on his chest. “Cassian, lay down. No, don't-" 

After hearing his own distorted voice and waking up fully at the news of another casualty, Cassian's hand reached to touch his mask, squeezing the flexible material between his fingers to prepare to pull it off. She grabbed his wrist and shook her head to discourage him.

"One of the hits we took disabled the oxygen generator. The air is thin at best right now."

He nodded, swallowing thickly. 

To her left, Vihaan shifted to cover Seth’s body with a space blanket - the material rustling as he did -- and then he stood to sit on the bench, his elbows on his knees and face in his hands, now mostly cleaned of blood.

Cassian coughed then cringed and Jyn winced in sympathy before she told him to hold his breath as she pulled his mask down to his chin. Then she lifted the canteen in one hand and cradled the back of his head in the other to let him drink water; every other swallow he let out a small, strangled sound in the back of his throat, until she pulled it away and replaced his mask. 

"How are you feeling? Do you want another injection- Hey, stay awake, Cassian." She slapped his cheek a few times. 

His eyes fluttered open again and he let out a distressed moan. The unspoken, _but I'm tired_ , was clear to her as they held one another’s gaze. 

"I know you're tired. I know," she whispered sympathetically and pet his hair back. "I want to let you sleep but you've already been asleep for almost twelve hours and I… I know you need the rest but I was getting worried. So, just…" she felt her chest hitch and paused long enough to finish with a strong, steady voice; "stay with me for a little bit, okay?" 

Cassian clenched his jaw and nodded, his eyes darting back and forth rapidly; her eyes, her lips distorted through her rebreather, around her face, then back to meeting her gaze. As he regarded her, she realized just how exposed they both were. Yet, as they stared at one another, quiet and somber, Jyn did not care that she was just as vulnerable - open - to him as he was to her. She trusted him. 

Then his lower lip flinched and his body shuddered under her hands, and the moment ended; Jyn tore her eyes away from his. She swallowed thickly and sniffled as she fidgeted with the med kit, which she’d taken back from the other two a few hours earlier in preparation for when Cassian woke, absently while looking through the contents she had inventoried at least ten times. 

"Now," she spoke again, her tone a bit more clipped than she intended. "Do you want another injection?" 

He blinked and his eyebrows furrowed, knit so close together it almost looked painful, as he averted his gaze to look down the length of his body to his feet. 

"Jyn," he choked. "I can't feel my legs." All evidence of weariness evaporated, his features hard and calculating. "Kark, Jyn… I can't feel them." 

Something bitter and rotten roiled in her stomach, clenching painfully, and the blood rushed straight out of her brain and face. Her heart rate spiked so suddenly she could feel it pound against her chest. It was like she had been stabbed with a stun baton to the chest and all she felt was static in her mind, buzzing in her ears. Although she had heard him loud and clear, her first instinct was to sputter a useless _what?!_ but she swallowed the exclamation along with her tongue before she forced herself to focus and be strong, brave. 

Just a little bit longer. 

"Okay, alright," Jyn replied hurriedly, trying to keep herself and Cassian calm with a soothing tone. "Hey, close your eyes. _Cassian_. Close your eyes." When he finally obliged she reached out and squeezed his boot, her thumb pressing through the material until she could feel the top of his foot. "Tell me when you can feel my hand, okay?" 

A stiff nod; his jaw clenched hard enough she could see the muscle jump and his breathing shallow and harsh, fogging up his mask. 

"Deep breaths, Cassian, come on." 

He did not open his eyes but he did take a deeper breath. "Are you moving yet," he asked, his voice gruff. 

Jyn's lip quivered and she drew it between her teeth for a moment to stave it off. Her fingers were still pressed into his boot, something he should have felt. "Not yet," she managed, cursing her weak voice. Finally, she started to move; to his ankle, up the length of his shin, over his knee, along the outside of his thigh, and against his hips. It wasn't until her hand rested near his navel, her fingertips brushing along his abdomen, that he let out a strangled breath of acknowledgement and his eyes opened. 

"Please tell me you started there," he pleaded, meeting her gaze with his bright, glassy eyes that were normally so warm; now scared and full of dread. 

With a long-suffering sigh, she shook her head and bit the inside of her lower lip. 

"I started at your foot- Hey, no… don't-- Cassian," she urged, gripping his face between her hands when the stricken look filtered into his features. "We're not going to panic. We're not, right? We don't know that this means anything other than... you... took a bad hit; you fell down more than a couple stories. We're nearly home. They'll take care of you- hey! You're going to be okay." 

Several times, he attempted to look away but she needed him to hear her. Believe her. She held his gaze and leaned close, so he could see the promise and confidence in her eyes. Now was not the time to doubt or give up. 

"There's still hope."

.  
.  
.

For the majority of the ride back, Cassian kept his eyes on his boots, trying to regain control of his body; force his feet to finally move, twitch, anything. Although he appreciated Jyn's faith, her efforts in keeping him optimistic that this was a temporary symptom, he was starting to tune her out.

How could paralysis be anything but devastating? What was he to do? He was disposable and when he got back to Yavin, they would see he was broken. There was no life for him if he could not be useful; if he could not contribute to the Rebellion. Peace was not an option for a man such as him. Dying on the beach of Scarif, swift and not alone, was better than he deserved.

Yet here he was and now he couldn't feel his legs. 

_You should have left me behind._

"What? No, Cassian," Jyn protested and Cassian turned his head against her vest on the floor to blink up at her in surprise. "We're in this together. All the way. We made it…" 

He clenched his jaw and looked away from her. A moment of silence and Cassian almost looked back at her but he fixed his gaze on the ceiling and tried to ignore the pain in his chest and the dread that pooled in his stomach that made him want to vomit. 

Instead of insisting or chiding him, as he expected, Jyn simply said, "why don't you get some sleep…" 

His eyelids were almost too heavy to keep open anyway. The reason he had lasted this long was because she asked him to. So, upon request, his eyes fell shut and he embraced the blissful call of sleep. 

However long it lasted was not long enough. 

He woke with a start and his first conscious thought was two hands on him; one stroking his hair back and the other pressed against his neck while Jyn shushed him and offered words of encouragement and reassurance. Cassian felt physically ill; he had a splitting headache, his eyes hurting just from light and a building pressure in his head, his arms weak and shaky, his chest _burning_ , and lungs aching for breath. 

"Jyn," he rasped between barely parted lips, hardly audible to his own ears from the mask. Jyn leaned closer to hear him as he asked, "am I… am I dying?" 

The anguish that crossed her features was enough to make him wince, stealing what little breath he had. She shook her head slowly at first then built to a more rapid pace; the tube connecting her mask to the pump bouncing back and forth in front of her chest. "No. No, Cassian, you're not dying…" 

He lifted a shaking hand to his chest, over his sternum, as his breathing became more labored and he struggled to take normal breaths. Then looked up again to meet her gaze, his own skeptical. "Jyn-" 

"No. I need you to believe me, Cassian, do you trust me?" 

With great effort, his mind going white with panic, he managed to bypass the fight or flight for just a moment longer and met her gaze. Her eyes that he had yet to determine if they were more green or blue, were locked on his already, searching frantically for confirmation; needing to hear those words from him. It made his heart clench to know that she was so invested, her hands still caressing him in an attempt to comfort, and he nodded curtly. 

"Then trust me… you're going to be okay. I'm… I'm sure you've had worse, yeah?" 

He squinted his eyes at her and she released a shaky huff of laughter. 

"Sure you have. Tell me… tell me when you've had worse." When he didn't respond she got more specific and tapped his mask, over his crooked nose. "Then tell me what happened here? Who broke your nose?" 

"A girl… another rebel…" 

"When?" 

"I… about ten years ago." 

"What happened? Did you deserve it?" 

His chest shuddered with the beginning of a laugh but immediately he cringed and wrapped his arm around his chest, as though compression was enough to relieve the pain. Jyn immediately apologized and he despised how concerned and guilty she looked as she tried to find a way to ease his discomfort though gentle touches and bent over him as though it was the outside world still causing him pain and she could shelter him from it all.

"Cassian--" 

"It's fine. I… we were between bases stranded on one of the ships in our fleet and… just… growing impatient and restless. So, myself and a few others decided to do some sparring to release…" he tried to take a breath but found it difficult and only inhaled half of what he normally could. "... release some tension. She and I… we had a long standing rivalry… bets were placed…" 

Jyn quirked a brow in interest and amusement but when he paused to catch his breath and relieve the pressure he was feeling, her forehead wrinkled with concern. Despite his efforts, he couldn't relieve the pressure and prickling pain in his chest. His legs refused to move, to help, and he wanted to shout in frustration and helplessness. He felt hot and cold at the same time as anxiety clawed at his throat, threatening to choke him. Suffocate him. He had to move. He had to get out of here, get away. Do something. 

"Keep going, Cassian." Her voice was like salve on a sunburn and his eyes snapped back to reach her wide-eyed gaze. The ringing in his ears ceased and he could focus on more than just the panic again. "Bets were placed," she continued, "how did she break your nose?" She moved around to kneel behind his head, her tone deeper and more husky than usual. 

He watched her move with his eyes, tracking her, until he felt her arms link under his armpits and start to lift him while she shuffled, on her knees, to prop his upper half on her thighs, the back of his head flush with her stomach. It was exactly what he needed, his breaths coming easier and less painful.

"That's it," she murmured and pet his hair back from his brow while he took deeper and deeper breaths. "That's it." Once the panic subsided, her left hand settled over his right pectoral while her right hand kept combing his hair from brow to crown.

"She had this roundhouse kick that could knock the breath out of you," Cassian told her with a breathy sound. "This time she aimed for my face or I juked wrong. Her heel got my nose." 

"Oh, Cassian," Jyn sighed and he couldn't tell if it was sympathy or amusement until he lifted his gaze to look at her upside down and saw the corners of her mouth lift up; maybe a bit of both. Her right hand shifted from his hair to caress his jaw with the backs of her fingers and it was almost enough to put him back to sleep despite the burning sensation in his chest and the exasperating frailty he felt in his arms and hands.

The ship jolted as they came out of hyperspace and Jyn gripped him tighter to keep him from sliding away from her lap, her upper half curling over him protectively while he bent his arms enough to be able to grab hold of her pants at the sides of her thighs. While Jyn straightened her back to see out the side porthole, Cassian lifted his head to look towards the cockpit expectantly.

The blonde woman jumped down and came closer, her footsteps reverberating through the floor. "We'll be entering orbit in about ten minutes."

"You have to call it in that Cassian is hurt and can no longer feel his legs."

"I'm well aware, Miss Erso," she replied, her tone deadpan. "I wanted to warn you that we will likely have a, well, an armed welcoming committee." 

Cassian had been well aware of that, had considered it, but not before they were on their way back to Yavin IV. He hadn't expected to come back, not really. The fact the fleet came to their aid, despite the casualties, told him that maybe the council had seen to reason and maybe they wouldn't be tried for military offense. Maybe they would still let Jyn go free. 

That hope seemed to be naive at best. 

"Thank you, Thalia" was all Jyn said in response. 

The blonde pilot looked down at Cassian and nodded; the pity in her eyes almost making him snap but he not only did not have the energy but this woman and the rebel still in the cockpit had risked everything to yank them off the beach when they had no real reason to. He owed them a great debt. So, instead of barking at her, he simply nodded back. Thalia turned away from them to retreat back to her chair beside the other rebel.

"I'm sorry, Jyn," Cassian murmured and slid his gaze back up to meet hers through his hair that had fallen back to rest at his forehead.

"Don't. I knew what I was doing and I would do it again. They'll do what's right by them." 

He blinked, his heart racing at the very notion of them doing anything but _right_ by _her_. But also the fact that she was brave enough to face uncertainty without the smallest of winces. After facing down the death star twice without blinking, what more could shake one's will?

Of course he would do it again, all of it, but if he had a choice he would find a way to bring them all home again. Was it fair that the two that led a small squad to their deaths were the only ones to survive? And by what sheer luck? He didn't think so but, he figured, if someone deserved to go home it was Jyn. 

Would there be peace for her? He hoped so.

The descent to the ground gave Cassian chills, dreading the door to open. Unsure of what to expect but hoping for the best. For Jyn's sake. When they landed, both pilots came to the cargo section of the u-wing and looked down at him where he still lay in Jyn's lap. He clenched his jaw and tried to calm his racing heart with methods he practiced nearly every day of his life since he was taught at seven years old and looked to the door which opened from the outside, rattling and grinding on the track from the abuse it suffered on Scarif. 

Both pilots and the remaining pathfinder raised their hands in the air and Cassian looked up to see that Jyn was doing the same, her trembling fingers spread apart and chin up. She looked as brave as she had when they got to their knees on the beach staring down the impending wave of death from the planet killer. All steel and powerful will. 

The door finally opened and he heard the familiar clicking of blasters being raised and primed, the light of the setting sun making him blink and squint to see the stationed rebels that stormed up to greet them, black barrels pointed at their faces before the two rebels were recognized as sanctioned soldiers sent to Scarif and all the attention went to them. Their rescuers were escorted down, both of them pulling their rebreathers off over their heads, and rushed towards med bay while a medic jumped aboard with an assistant, the hovergurney just outside the door. 

"Be careful… it's his back and ribs… maybe some internal bleeding," Jyn advised but no one addressed her as they lifted him up carefully -- though it still caused agony to shoot through him -- and got him on the gurney. 

"Now wait a second…" he started, working passed the soreness in his throat from the choked sound he made when they transferred him, when he saw her arms roughly pushed down and wrists tightly clamped in binders. One of them removed her mask for her and tossed it on the transport bench. 

"Captain Andor, I need you to lie still," the medic ordered, holding a scanner over him. 

"I need to speak with Mon Mothma," he demanded just as they started to shove Jyn from the ship and onto the tarmac, her left leg buckling. The only reason she didn't go careening to the ground was the two hands on each of her biceps. "Stop." 

"It's alright, Cassian-" Jyn assured as she was pushed to keep walking passed him. 

"No, stop." He wanted to remove his mask, make himself heard. His nose was beginning to tickle with the frustration, helplessness, he was feeling. "Where's Mothma… or Organa?" He tried to sit up but he was forced back down. Already they nearly had her out the hangar and into the bowels of the base.

"Captain Andor." 

"It's alright…" her voice so far away.

"...dor -- _Hold still_!" 

"Wait!" 

"Cassian--!"

A prick in his right arm and Cassian watched Jyn depart further and further, only able to see her back and part of her face as she kept peeking over her shoulder at him, her eyes wide and eyebrows high on her forehead as she limped alongside the others escorting her. Then, the edges of his vision faded, his head feeling simultaneously too light and like it had rocks in it, and then the back of his head slammed against the gurney as everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my first Big Bang! Yaaaaaay... starting you guys off with two chapters (one's a prologue, but still) and will keep to one chapter a week (as best I possibly can). Please let me know what you think! I know a lot of people like to reserve kudos for the end, so comments would be greatly appreciated; I think this is the biggest project I've ever undertaken and I'd be more than grateful for ANY feedback. 
> 
> Feel free to give me a shoutout on Tumblr with any comments or feedback too: VINTAGEVULPES (briamarie38)
> 
> **Again, credit for artwork is all for the lovely dasakuryo!**


	3. 0 BBY

After a crude medical exam to ensure she was not suffering from any life threatening injuries, Jyn was tossed into a holding cell; it wasn't necessarily a cell but it certainly wasn't a bedroom nor was it a med bay. A holding room. Still, she wasn't being shoved into a chair in front of half of the council either. So, she stumbled over the threshold, bending at the waist with her unbound arms out in front of her to keep from toppling over, and limped to the cot tucked against the opposite wall. Jyn all but fell onto the thin mattress that lined the top of the duracrete bench and stared at the ceiling of the temporary room, her fingers intertwined and palms spread against her stomach as she breathed. 

If she was confused the first time she was brought to the rebel base, upon her release from Wobani, then this moment was far more deserving of the question: _what is this?_

It was dark in her current state and it brought her back to that hole in the ground; the cave in her mind. The creak of the disguised, trap door as it slammed shut over her just as loudly and intimidating as the metal _clunk_ of her bunker door locking as she had watched Saw leave without her.

She was alone and abandoned. Again. 

Would Cassian survive, would she see him again? She had wanted to go with him. Freedom was promised but here she was, locked in, with no knowledge of whether or not the mission was successful let alone if Cassian had survived his injuries, and she had no considered worth to any allegiance. An outcast with no home. 

Her left knee was throbbing but, really, her whole body ached from exertion; it made her wish she could curl up right there and go to sleep for days. Or years. 

Jyn had no idea how long it had been until the door _whooshed_ open, lifting from the floor and disappearing into the ceiling, but as soon as it did she started the slow, uncomfortable process of sitting back up. She swung her legs over, hiding a wince as the muscles in her back and abdomen screamed in protest, like the day after a hard workout. Her knee felt bad enough that she wanted to grab the closest vibroblade and just cut her leg off above the joint; surely that would be less painful. Draven and Mothma entered and she prepared to push herself up on her feet but Mothma held up her hand, indicating that she remain as she was, for her own comfort. 

"What's going on? Where's Cassian?" Jyn inquired, her forehead twinging with the effort of worrying. 

"He's being seen to," Mothma assured but it was hardly enough to soothe Jyn. That could mean anything. 

She opened her mouth to ask, maybe not so politely, for an elaboration but Draven interjected first; "Miss Erso--" 

"Sergeant." 

Draven's eyes widened and his eyebrows lifted. " _Excuse me_?" he asked in a hiss, his lips barely moving, thinned against his teeth. 

"It's _Sergeant_ Erso. Lieutenant Selfa promoted me on the way to Scarif." 

"A field promoti--" Draven began to protest but Mothma stepped further in, asserting her authority over both of them, and silencing their feud. "Jyn Erso," he corrected, "I must remind you that your little escapade was not agreed to by the council." 

"You don’t have to remind me. I know already and what needed to be done was done. I won't apologize for that." 

"Hundreds of good men and women-" 

Mothma held up her hand and inserted herself between them. "Jyn, as I had told you before; without the full support of the council, no fleet could be sent. However, upon learning of your… rebellion against the council's wishes, a quarter of our fleet followed you to Scarif." 

Jyn nodded curtly, of course she knew help had come. 

"In response, many of our fighters were sent along with them to support those who went to fight and, it seems, fortunately so. Your mission, Jyn, was a success. We got confirmation of the transmission of the plans being received. Though, at this time, it has not been authenticated." 

"It's real." 

"No doubt what you sent was the schematics for the Death Star, that is not what must be authenticated, but the validity of the weakness." 

"You still don't believe me." 

Both Draven and Mothma were silent. 

"Then, what? What happens now?" _What happens to me?_

"Well, we apologize for the delay in seeing you. There was a lot to deliberate based on the events of Scarif… at this time the council has decided to overturn their previous determination. It will go on official record that the Battle of Scarif was a sanctioned mission by the Alliance," Mothma advised. “Everything that transpired was carefully planned to ensure the surprise attack on the Imperial Compound was a success.” 

Jyn blinked owlishly. Perhaps she should feel relieved and proud that her actions brought about success and potential change but all she felt was rage. All of the struggle, all the lives lost, and it all could have been mitigated had she been heard at the round table. With proper support, maybe more than five people that were boots on the ground, would have come home. Maybe Kaytoo, Bodhi, Baze, and Chirrut - Melshi, Selfa, Tonc, or Seth - would have survived. 

With shaky breaths through her nose, Jyn straightened her back and clenched both hands into fists while she stared at them with a scowl on her face. 

"It was necessary for the sake of morale and to also discourage any thoughts that acting out of sanction and _against_ orders is permissible in the Rebellion. If everyone acted like you this militia would fall apart." Draven went on.

Jyn clenched her jaw. They were just protecting their own image; for the sake of looking good to their supporters and benefactors. It was all politics to them. Red tape to be preserved not bypassed. 

"Furthermore," Mothma continued and stepped closer, "it was the most efficient way to ensure that Captain Andor and yourself would not face court martial." 

Her fists unclenched and she blinked as her jaw relaxed, her teeth aching along with the rest of her body. 

"Congratulations, Erso."

She quirked a brow, her frown not lifting a millimeter. 

"You're free to go." 

"After," Mon Mothma interjected, "you go to med bay to get an official examination." 

Jyn looked between them, her mouth twitching and breathing shallow through her nose, until they departed and left the door open for a rebel guard to step into view and beckon her out. She stared at him and swallowed before finally pushing herself up, mostly with the use of her locked arms, and getting to her feet while favoring her left leg. 

"This way," he said as she limped out and turned down the hall to where med bay, allegedly, was. "Wait here." He stopped her with an open palm in front of her chest and opened one of the multiple doors in the dead end hall, three doors on each adjacent wall. The rebel disappeared as the door slid closed and she raised her eyebrows before looking over her shoulder at the open corridor that could likely take her straight out. Crossing her arms she turned to face the way out, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as her eyes got increasingly round with the inner battle in her head. 

The door opened and the rebel stepped out with a medical droid. 

"Miss Erso," the droid greeted. "Come." 

Jyn turned her head to look at the droid, her arms still crossed and toes pointed towards the exit. She saw someone else in the room; a man with dark hair, lying in one of the beds and she froze. It wasn't Cassian, she could tell from where she stood, but it was enough to remind her that she had a reason to stay. A very good one. 

At least for now. 

So, she nodded and pivoted on her right heel, careful of her left knee and walked into the med bay. Inside there were three beds, she was guided to the far right one but she kept her eyes on the far left bed. The man lying there stared after her but she ignored him other than meeting his gaze briefly. Once she sat down, she focused on filling out the questionnaire presented on a datapad. 

When the intake droid left, she looked around the med bay, her eyes scanning for objects she could use as a weapon or to slice the door in a pinch, if she needed it. 

"So, what're you in for?" 

She looked over at the man with the goatee, dark hair, and a bruise darkening one eye but she didn't respond right away so he continued. 

"I, uh, I missed all the fun it seems. I heard about Scarif but I just got back from a reconnaissance mission. Would you believe all I did was twist my ankle from a divot in the grass. All the action and I'm out because I lacked depth perception," he indicated to his black eye and laughed, the lines in his face revealing that a smile was not a rare occurrence for him. 

_Be glad you weren't there_ , she wanted to respond but his smile was contagious and it almost made her smile back. Who was she to take away his positive outlook no matter the casualties and consequences she herself was facing. Instead she narrowed her eyes at the corners in a whisper of a grin for the sake of acknowledging him. 

"I haven't seen you around before, have I? You new?" 

Guy wasn't going to quit, was he? 

Jyn sighed and lifted her legs onto the mattress, with some effort, so she could lean against the pillows and kick her feet up. "Something like that…" 

"What'cher name?" A pause and, when she didn't respond timely. "I'm Kes Dameron." 

"Jyn."

.  
.  
.

They had wanted her to go into a bacta tank for the injury to her knee but that could never happen, not in her opinion, and she denied the treatment in favor of getting a stabilizer and healing the old fashioned way. Her burns and lacerations were still healed with some bacta spray and patches and she was discharged around the same time as Kes Dameron but, while the pathfinder was able to make it out the door, Mothma found Jyn and stopped her from leaving too soon.

Which worked out in Jyn's favor. 

"I want to see him. Cassian." 

It wasn't an easy negotiation of terms but she managed and was escorted to the Intensive Unit, the med bay room adjacent to where she had been treated, and her heart clenched painfully. She had been informed they had him immersed in a bath for cold therapy, an attempt to reduce the swelling around his spine. The initial impact to his back, she had been told, caused localized trauma to his spine, the swelling around his spinal cord had compressed and crushed the nerves in his lumbar spine. 

Cassian was paralyzed from the waist down and without surgery he would not regain his motor skills. 

Thus the need to reduce some of the swelling and the sight of him of only his head and arms above the water. She stepped closer and Cassian immediately requested that the room be vacated aside from the two of them and she quickened her pace to be closer to him. His gaze dropped from her face to her knee and she frowned at the expression he gave her but didn't give him the opportunity to ask about it. 

Jyn stopped at the edge of the oblong, metal tub and held his gaze with hers as she offered a comforting smile. "How do you feel?" 

He looked down at the ice water then back to her. "A bit cold…" he replied with a wry smirk, one eyebrow arched, and he leaned his head back against the edge. 

All she thought to do was blink and then a laugh erupted from her lips, fast and genuine for the first time in what felt like months. "Did- did you just make a joke?" 

His smirk spread into a closed lip smile and Jyn thought her heart might explode with how fast it beat at the sight. The desire to reach out and touch him, comfort him, was almost too much to resist; her fingers twitched until she had the presence of mind to hide her hands under her arms, crossed against her chest, to keep from fidgeting. 

"There's a lot you still don't know about me." he said; the smile still on his lips, reflected in his tone. 

She became more somber at the notion - it was true but it felt odd to accept considering all they had been through together - but nodded nonetheless. Silence fell over them. The emptiness of the room was almost consuming if not for the occasional slosh of the water when he tried to shift in the bath, using only his upper body strength. The med bay machines, left on standby, constantly hummed and seemed to charge the otherwise sterile air.

After a few prolonged moments, Jyn sniffed and asked, "have they told you anything? About the plans?" 

Cassian pressed his lips together, making them appear thinner than they already were, and the corners fell back into the contemplative frown she was familiar with, making her instantly dread what he had to say. “The vessel that intercepted the plans was attacked, those on board were killed and the plans are missing. For all we know they’ve been reclaimed. We could have nothing.”

Her stomach roiled and her knees felt weak. She gripped the edge of his ice bath to keep her legs from buckling right then and there. All the sacrifice was for nothing. It was incredible that she was left to actually leave when the entire mission, for all it’s effort, was still a failure and they lost so many lives. Now she was stranded on base with an injured knee and no way to know where to start looking to get the plans back. There was a ringing in her ears and she felt like she was under water; her balance listing to one side until a freezing hand covered hers. 

Jyn looked to her hand where Cassian’s wet one covered hers and she felt the corners of her mouth lift up as she turned her hand in Cassian’s to grip his frozen fingers and squeezed. “I’m sorry, Cassian.” 

He narrowed his eyes and shook his head at her. “Don’t do that, Jyn. We succeeded. The plans are out there somewhere, we just have to find them again. Don’t give up hope now, Jyn. Not yet.” 

The doctor, a woman with mostly gray hair with one streak of white near the front, framing the right side of her face, entered with a 2-1B droid trailing behind her. She barely paid attention to Jyn standing next to the tub and inserted herself between the two of them, Cassian removed his hand from Jyn’s and plopped it back into the water with nothing more than a fleeting glance between the two women before he focused on the doctor, who was holding out a scanner. 

“I think the swelling has gone down enough, Captain, I would like to get started. Are you ready?”

Cassian nodded eagerly and Jyn suppressed a shudder. “Can I… what are the odds of success?” she asked and did not miss the way Cassian averted his gaze to the water, his mouth curving almost into a perfect, quarter circle. 

_Kay would know._

Soon Cassian was brought out of the tub, dried off, and prepped for surgery. The next time Jyn saw him, he was lying on his stomach, his head tilted to his right, on a hover gurney. It couldn’t be comfortable with his ribs being bruised, some of them fractured, but, according to Cassian he had already had a brief bacta immersion while she had been in holding. The damage was relatively minor and what hadn't healed already would be finished off in the next immersion and the amount of analgesics he was on now was enough to keep him from feeling any discomfort.

She approached on his right side and bent at the waist to be in his line of vision. His bare shoulders were visible despite the sheet over his back, starting at the nape of his neck and ending at his feet. Her lower lip twitched before she sucked on the inside and managed an encouraging smile. 

“Will I see you again?” he asked, his dark eyes flicking between hers and she felt the urge to run just seeing the sincere concern it would be the last time they saw one another. 

“As long as I have a choice, I’ll be here when you wake up, Cassian. ”

He nodded a bit and she watched his adam’s apple bob in his throat before he nodded again, with more conviction. 

There was a lot she wanted to say to encourage him, things she wanted to promise, but there were no guarantees and for all she knew it would be the last time she saw him but not because she wasn’t here waiting for him. So, she repeated; “I’ll be here” and backed away to let him disappear into the operating room, the surgical droid waiting there when the door opened. As soon as it closed again, she rushed to the observation window and looked through and watched as they sedated him, fastened an oxygen cannula to his nose, then dropped a section of the surgical table away to put his head through so his spine was entirely straight. The moment they rolled down the sheet from his bare back, Jyn turned away - a lump forming in her throat. 

As she turned, she scrubbed at her face with the heels of her palms, but when she dropped her hands and opened her eyes, Jyn jolted in surprise at General Draven being right in front of her. 

“When’s the last time you slept, girl?”

When was the last time she slept? She had no idea. Aside from the few dozes on the ride back from Scarif, she hadn’t slept a wink, not even when she was in the cell waiting her judgement from Mon Mothma and the rest of the council. How long had she been waiting and how long since then? 

“What day is it?”

Something resembling a smile lifted one corner of his mouth and he shook his head. “I think it’s best you get some sleep, Miss--” 

“Sergeant,” she corrected again. 

He sighed and put his hands on his hips. “I’m not calling you that. You’re not a member of the rebellion.”

“Then why do you care whether I get enough rest or not?”

Draven worked his jaw from left to right then clenched his teeth together until she could see the muscle in his cheek jump. Still all he did was put his hands on his hips, meet her gaze and, like how she imagined exasperated parents might do, sighed while trying not to look amused. Then he sidestepped her to observe the surgery but Jyn remained still as a statue, unable to watch - amazed that he could. She waited for Draven to make a snide comment about her shortcomings or a harsh remark about how she nearly got his best agent killed. It never came and they stood in relatively comfortable silence; Draven watching and Jyn waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CREDIT FOR BEAUTIFUL ARTWORK GOES TO DASAKURYO
> 
> I know this was a slow chapter... so as a reward for making it to the end, I present you ANOTHER **two chapter** _updaaate_
> 
> Enjoy!


	4. 2 ABY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to play it safe... CW in end notes.

Jyn watched from the kitchen window as the piece of junk Han called his baby descended from gray covered skies. The goats in the fenced in area below the kitchen window bleated and moved around restlessly at the sound of the ion engine as it died down and she narrowed her eyes as the ramp descended. She grabbed the rag, from where it hung off the edge of the counter, to wipe her hands of the flour her palms were caked in. By the time she tossed it back by the bowl she was utilizing and got to the front door, Han and Chewie were descending the ramp of _The Falcon_. 

Although it was hard to decipher Chewie’s feelings from his expression she could tell Han was uncomfortable which made something catch in Jyn’s throat; apprehension at the very least. She waited for them to approach, leaning her shoulder against the doorjamb to keep it from automatically shutting, and tried to go over all the possible reasons for the visit excluding bad news about Cassian. Anything but that. 

_Please…_

“Aye, Erso… how you likin’ the home life?”

In truth, it was paradise when Cassian was home. With him away, it was miserable. It had been half a month, eighteen long days, since he had left for his blasted mission and she was counting the days when he would come home. “I wasn’t expecting visitors...”

Han inhaled deeply through his nose as he bowed his head and hooked his thumbs through his belt loops. “Can we come in?”

“Depends…” she paused and arched her brow, resenting his rueful tone. “What do you want?”

Finally he looked up and clenched his jaw briefly, his eyebrows furrowed together. “Jyn…”

Immediately she straightened, standing as rigid as a pillar as her chin quivered. “No,” she managed, breathlessly. Her heart was, somehow, both pounding in her ears and stopped in her chest simultaneously. Everything was too loud, the world too cold all of a sudden. “That’s impossible.” 

“We got confirmation twenty two hours ago. I came as soon as we got the news…” he said and, a credit to him, he sounded genuinely pained to be the one to tell her. If their conversation could be considered as saying anything at all. “I’m so sorry, Jyn.”

She shook her head adamantly and let out a choked sob that she didn’t recognize from herself. “I don’t believe it. I have to… i need to see it for myself. Where was he,” she asked, already moving to gather her gear and some credits but Han took the opportunity to move into the threshold and grabbed her arm gently, stopping her efforts. 

“Jyn, I don’t even know that. No one but Draven knows--”

“I need to speak with him immediately.” Jyn tugged her arm free of his grip, which wasn’t hard - Han wasn’t trying to control her. She hated how strained her voice still was despite her own denial of reality, of facts. “What proof--?”

Chewie produced a datapad in his hand, his hair obscuring half the muted screen. Even as she moved to take it from him, Han tilted his head to earn her gaze. “You don’t need to watch it.”

She snatched it from Chewie and pivoted on her heel to watch it away from their gazes. Cassian, a version of him, bloodied, hunched, and limping ran through a crowd that was already screaming and panicked. Smoke billowed through the landscape on the feed and the person filming was running, making the video just as bouncy, the person seemingly trying to follow the pursuit. The spectator coughed and then panned the recorder to the left to reveal Cassian was running from a squad of troopers. 

Her fingers closed tighter around the screen and she brought it closer to her face as Cassian caused a kerfuffle by throwing free credits into the air; scattering them about the spaceport so the crowd thickened behind him. He disappeared behind all the nameless faces. Having lost Cassian, the filming spectator focused on the stormtroopers ordering the take down of a shuttle which was shown next. One of the rebellion’s ‘undercover’ shuttles for supply runs to the core systems. Cassian’s shuttle. Before she could make a comment about how they never saw him board the transport, the explosion lit up the screen with overexposure to the lens of the recorder and she actually looked away. Only the voice of the lead trooper caught her attention again, ordering to check the wreckage. 

Jyn threw the datapad down on the dinner table and crossed her arms against her chest. “That proves nothing,” she scoffed, turning to face them again but Han only looked worse as he inhaled deeply again. 

“Intelligence monitored the channels and Leia double checked them… there was a body found in the shuttle. It was a confirmed kill. He is considered responsible for the bomb but Draven thinks he was just caught in the middle. Either way… Jyn…” he shook his head. “I thought you deserved to hear it in person.” 

She swallowed thickly and mimicked his head shake. “No, it’s… I can’t believe that.” 

Han studied her for a moment and reading between the lines, he responded; “these things happen, Jyn. You know better than anyone.” 

“No! You don’t understand,” she choked. “Cassian wouldn’t just…” She shook her head and turned away again. “You’re wrong!” She turned and glared at him, ready to attack if he dared reiterate what she refused to believe. 

After a moment, Han waiting for her to deflate some, he asked, “do you want us to go?” 

She swallowed and stared at him while she started to nod slowly but just as he shifted his weight to back off, she started to shake her head and choked out, “no.”

Then, incrementally, she curled in on herself. Her knees felt weak; her whole body did. She still couldn’t feel her own heart aside from the rushing in her ears and the _pain_ in her chest that told her that she was still alive and this moment was real. 

How much of it was real though? How accurate was the intel? Probably very. Draven was an ass but he knew what he was doing even if he had made bad judgements in the past. She’d learned, in two and a half years of knowing him, that he was trustworthy and Cassian trusted him with his life. Draven wouldn’t half-ass the research on a mission he was sending one of his own on. One of his favorites. What if it was false though? What if Cassian was burned and had to fake his death? But wouldn’t that mean he couldn’t come home? Was that any better than actual death? 

Maybe but she was selfish; she wanted him with her. 

She would never have him with her again regardless of any ridiculous hope she could imagine and cling to. Feeling listless, confused, and disoriented -- like it was all a dream -- Jyn looked around her home of two years and froze when her gaze landed on the wooden shelf on the wall to her left, the only items on it was a collection of personal holographs. Seven moments captured in blue, just the two of them. Happy. Most were of both of them looking at the recorder but there was one, her favorite, where she was looking straight ahead while he was looking at her like she had placed the sun and moon into orbit around the planet they called their home for two years. He had looked at her the way she felt about him. 

Entirely enraptured. 

“He’s gone, Jyn,” Han said when she continued to stare in disbelief, feeling lost and empty. “He’s gone. I’m sorry.” 

Her knees gave out and she uncrossed her arms in time to slap her hands on the floor to keep from falling on her face as she let out a sob. Horror, mourning, loss, and _despair_ roiled within her. Her thoughts, both voluntary and involuntary processes, felt muddle; she couldn’t remember how to blink let alone breathe. Her skin was prickling and made her shiver -- too cold -- but her blood was hot in her veins, making her feel like she was dying. Her own body wanted to attack itself from the inside out and she couldn’t move. She was frozen on her hands and knees, unable to choke out a sob and unable to retch even though she felt like she was sick. 

Before she could figure out what hurt more, her soul or her knees and chest, where her heart once was, strong arms were wrapped around her. A deep, soothing voice hushed her gently and apologized over and over again. With another keening sound, Jyn allowed him to pull her into his chest so the side of her face was pressed against him. She couldn’t feel anything, her mind was in shock, her heart broken and hurting. 

Her straight cut bangs smooshed up in a ridiculous bump at her hairline but she’d never know and Han would never tell. 

She couldn’t breathe.

His white shirt caught half of her tears and, eventually, muffled the sounds of her bawling when she remembered how to cry, and she clung to him.

.  
.  
.

Jyn sat on one of four chairs at the table, Han adjacent to her and Chewie across from her. It had only been hours since they arrived but it already felt like an eternity. She had one hand wrapped around a tin mug full of mostly rum with a splash of caf and her other arm was wrapped around her left leg which she had against her chest, her heel on the edge of the seat and her chin on her knee. With a sniffle she swallowed and finally lifted her gaz from the initials scrawled into the tabletop to look at Han.

“Where are you going from here?”

“I gotta get to Ord Mantel, bacta shipment needs picked up.”

She nodded and pressed her lips together.

“You could come with us…”

Although it was an offer she almost couldn’t refuse, almost was the key word, she shook her head. “I… I can’t. I’d need to… take care of some things here and then give Mothma my notice so she can get a replacement.” 

Han stared at her and she looked down again, fixating on the etchings of Cassian’s initials. As she thought back to the day when they had put them there, hers next to his, she felt a flutter in her belly and for a moment she felt a smile tug at one corner of her mouth.

_“People have to know we were here.”_

_“Why?”_

_“My whole life has been erasing my footprints, eliminating my identity so I can’t be traced… it’ll be nice to at least have someone consider my existence when I’m gone.”_

_Jyn stared at him, her lower lip between her teeth as she chewed at her smile of admiration while she regarded him. She remembered when he told her that was his life, having to ‘be able to pack up in less than five minutes and have no one realize he had ever been there’. He’d said it so nonchalant then, she never would have imagined it bothered him until a few months after they had moved to The Station. Now, she watched as his own smile grew while he enthusiastically etched his initials into the wood, a mischievous and victorious look gleaming in his dark eyes that made something warm and pleasant spread through her body._

_“What?” he asked._

_She shook her head and shrugged as she took the blade from him. “I’ll remember you.” Their fingers brushed and he grinned, his jaw ticking to one side briefly as he stood up straight to watch her dig the blade into the table beside his marks._

“You gonna be okay, kid?” Han’s voice pulled her away from the memory and the warm, content feeling fled like startled birds, leaving her cold and empty. 

“Thought you agreed not to call me that after what happened on Taris,” she grumbled and looked up just long enough to shoot him a glare while she grabbed at her cup. 

Chewie joined her side and scolded Han, who waved them both off. “That was before you got whammied with…” he trailed off and gave her a meaningful, apologetic look, his eyes narrowed as he pressed his lips into something of a smile. 

“I can’t answer that…” she admitted and lowered her leg so both feet touched the ground. Jyn leaned forward and wrapped both hands around her mug, letting the heat warm her palms until it stung. 

“It’s okay not to be okay.” 

Although Jyn knew it was Han speaking to her now, she heard Cassian’s voice; a soft rumble in the back of her mind...

_It’s okay not to be okay, Jyn._

_“Maybe… but for how long?” She asked while she wiped at her cheeks swiftly. Jyn shook her head and sniffled while lifting her gaze back up to look up at him. “Sorry.”_

_“Sorry? For… **crying**?” Cassian dipped his head to earn her gaze, scooting closer from where he knelt before her, practically between her legs where she sat on the edge of her bed. _

_She shrugged._

_“It’s not a weakness, Jyn, to express yourself. And as for how long… it’s for however long it takes. Just know that you’re never alone.”_

_She lifted her gaze and looked at him with a fond smile on her lips, still watery but warming with each passing moment. Leave it to Cassian, known for being emotionless and stone faced, to be so in touch with his feelings. So many, including those who had been closest to him, never knew how emotional he truly was. But she did - she’d seen it on Eadu, had looked into his soul as he bared it to her and the others to see, she saw it on the ride back to Yavin IV, she had witnessed it during his physical therapy, and soothed him through his turmoil in the weeks after he was discharged; through his counseling that had opened him up to healthy coping mechanisms and honest communication._

_And she adored him all the more for it._

_The man who had experienced more in thirty years than anyone should in a lifetime, still felt more than anyone else she had ever met. It took more strength to continue believing, hoping, and caring, throughout a war, than it did to let it harden you and she admired him because of it._

_More tears fell as she nodded along, accepting her feelings as she accepted his words, and he smiled at her compassionately. She trusted Cassian with her life but, also, her heart._

_“You can cry. It doesn’t scare me- you don’t scare me,” he said with a smile and she let out a watery laugh; recognizing the words she once said to him. “I want to be here for you, Jyn, but if you need time or space then I’ll give it to you. Whatever you need to feel safe, that’s what we’ll do -- you were more than what I needed you to be when I didn’t even realize it’s what you were doing. So if you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll just sit here with you. If you do want to talk about it, I will listen -- I may not always understand but I’ll always try and I will always be here. Always.”_

_Jyn smiled and nodded as she lifted her hand to cradle his cheek, her thumb brushing under his eye tenderly. “Thank you…” she whispered as she leaned forward to rest her forehead against his, Cassian raising from resting on his calves to meet her halfway. “I know I don’t… I know I can be difficult.”_

_He shook his head and rested his hands on his thighs. “I think we’re about even on that front,” he assured and she released a watery sigh, the corners of her mouth lifting only briefly. “And...” he continued and she kept still, clinging to every word like her life depended on his voice that carried her to new heights and new standards of happiness with him, “spending my life with you is **easy**. We're learning this together, Jyn, to be better and stronger. Together.” _

_Her heart soared. Jyn inhaled sharply through her nose and rapidly wrapped her arms around him, her fingers clasping the back of his shirt in her fists. As she leaned back onto the bed, scooting backwards, he got off his knees and followed her, their lips crashing together while she kept pulling him ever closer. Tears still spilled but now they were bittersweet, melancholic but grateful and happy rather than harsh and depressed. His weight pressed her into the mattress, further chasing away her anxiety and replacing it with belonging. She smiled against his lips as she spread her legs to make room for him while he shifted his hands under her shirt--_

“Erso… Hey… _Jyn_ …” 

She blinked, her eyes stinging from staring off for so long, then blinked rapidly for a moment before bringing her gaze back to Han. “What?”

Chewie glanced at Han, a sadness in his eyes, and Han acknowledged him before tilting his head to regard her. “Not to… invite ourselves over or anything… but if you want us to stay, Ord Mantel can wait.”

As she looked between them she pressed her lips together into a fine line but, just as she opened her mouth to respond, the long range transmitter trilled and she looked over her shoulder at it with a long-suffered sigh. Jyn got up from her seat and went over to the transmitter, taking the encrypted message down on flimsi - so it could be burned after - before bringing it back over to the table to start deciphering it to re-encrypt it in a new key to forward to Echo Base. She would put out the signal for one of the two curriers to arrive to take it and they would arrive in less than an hour to fly it to the Rebellion which had been relocated for a little over half a standard year on a wasteland of a planet. A frozen tundra with hostile fauna that consistently broke in through the ice walls, causing delays and keeping the rebels on their toes, crowded into small rooms. 

If she hadn’t already been grateful to be apart from all the crowds, alone with Cassian, experiencing the chaos of Hoth surely would make her grateful to be away. 

She finished her work of putting it on a datachip, burned the flimsi in the sink, then walked to the door, opened it, and rotated the potted plant on the doorstep so the ornate design, painted in red, was turned to face out. After looking out across the, seemingly, endless field, she turned back inside and returned to Han and Chewie at the table. Just as she was about to sit down she nearly jolted back to standing and shook her head while taking her rum and caf to pour out over the ashes left behind from the flimsi. 

“Y’know what, I’m actually… I’m actually tired…” she admitted, setting the cup in the sink and turning so she faced them, her back end resting on the edge of the counter, her hands braced behind her. “Stay, though, if you’d like, please. There’s a spare room--” _Cassian’s orginal room_ “--on the left of the hall and,” she indicated to the worn out furniture in the attached living room, “there’s the couch. You two can sort it out.” 

Han stood and squared off to her as he stuck out his lower lip agreeably. “Yeah, might be good to sleep on solid ground for a night, not freezing on base or in space. We’ll be out of your hair by morning.” 

Inhaling deeply through her nose, Jyn clenched her jaw before forcibly releasing the tension in her body and shrugged one shoulder. “No rush,” she replied then brushed by to get to her bed, hurrying as she felt the pain in her heart blossom again. 

It radiated like sharp shards of ice, hardening, growing colder, until it exploded - lacerating all her insides while a scream bubbled behind her sternum as it swelled, up her esophagus, until she felt like she was suffocating. The moment the door closed behind her she inhaled the familiar scent her and Cassian created together, it permeated the curtains and their bedding. She ached, longed for him more than ever and, suddenly, the sob escaped and she slapped her hands over her mouth as it kept coming; louder and harder, until she couldn’t stand anymore. However small the three steps from door to edge of their bed was, it was almost too far and she stumbled over her feet until she could fall onto the mattress on her stomach, crawling across the expanse to his pillow as she pulled it to her chest and buried her face in it. 

_He’s gone…_ Han’s voice echoed in her mind. 

A gutteral whine was captured within the pillow and she cried, letting it muffle the agony that manifested in hoarse sobs until the pressure built in her sinuses so badly that she could no longer breathe - could no longer inhale the scent of Cassian - unless it was in the form of weeping cries. Jyn curled up into a fetal position, clinging to what remained in his absence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW [possible trigger]: Jyn finds out about Cassian's death and, of course, has an adverse reaction/borderline panic attack. 
> 
> Credit for the most amazing artwork goes to dasakuyo!
> 
> So, I've decided to ramp up my posting schedule to Mondays and Thursdays. Hence the update today, to lead you guys into the weekend, and then Monday to give you something to do on breaks during the week *waggles brows* may-bay(?) 
> 
> _I dunno, I'm tired._
> 
> Anyway, please let me know what you think I would love, love, love to hear feedback - good and not so good.


	5. 0 BBY & 0 ABY

Cassian was out of surgery but despite all the drugs keeping him from feeling too much pain, Jyn knew he was miserable. It didn’t take a lifelong friend to recognize that he could not stand his bedrest order, he was a talented spy and managed to hide a lot of his frustration behind a mask and a neutral tone but even a lifetime of training couldn’t keep him from fidgeting and sighing when no one was looking. Although she didn’t prod out of fear of making him _more_ uncomfortable, Jyn ventured a couple of silent, private wagers on why he was so anxious. He felt too exposed with his guard down while unarmed and wearing nothing but a gown, he was bored, or he was tired; no one could get proper rest while in med bay, it was too loud, too bright.

She settled on all three stressors being the problem. 

Bedrest was never fun for someone but least of all Captain Cassian Andor -- soon to be Major -- who wanted to finish what was started. Still, he had half a new lumbar spine being regrown under muscle and nerves, and that wasn’t something that could be done with activity. The doctors warned him, however, that bedrest would be the least of his problems considering the amount of physical therapy he would be required to participate in if he wanted to learn to walk let alone run from stormtroopers ever again. For now, he spent most of his days on his back or stomach with the occasional break in the form of bacta tank immersions twice a day. Today was day three and he was fidgeting almost as much as Bodhi had when they first got off Jedha.

It didn’t help that they had gotten the news that the plans had been, as Mon Mothma had put it, 'misplaced'. 

Jyn nearly imploded when she heard the news. 

_Misplaced_ was what you called a sock that you can’t find or, in Cassian’s case, a blaster that was now in Jyn’s possession -- not the plans to a planet killing weapon created by the Empire with the intention of wiping out any planet that didn’t acquiesce to the Emperor’s demands. They had yet to see the full power of her father’s weapon and as devastating as Jedha was, as terrifying as Scarif had been, the Death Star wasn’t nicknamed a 'city destroyer' it was a ' _planet killer_ ' and Jyn didn’t want to see it’s full potential. They needed to move now and it couldn’t wait to be found a second time. Too much was sacrificed already, far too much. 

A fist closed around her heart at the reminder of those in Rogue One, for those that had come to their aid afterwards. Even Seth, who she knew for mere hours, flashed through her mindseye and she wondered if Bodhi, Baze, or Chirrut suffered as greatly as he had. She hoped it had been painless. She hoped they hadn’t had to see the flash of light preceding the wave of death from the ocean. 

It was then that she felt his same frustration to a certain degree. They were both helpless to do what they wanted, finish what they started. Their plan, their goal, was now in the hand of others and they had to hope that whoever had the Death Star plans knew just how important they were. Knew what had been sacrificed to obtain them. Because they were too wounded to go out and find them again and bring them back like they had planned. 

The medical assistant came in with the 2-1B unit to check Cassian’s vitals and feeling in his lower extremities -- poking at his toes, up his legs, to his waist -- and Jyn lowered her datapad into her lap, face up, to observe. Overseeing. They left with just a few questions asked, took the notes, and then it was just her and Cassian again. Both of them silent and engrossed in their readings. 

After a moment she looked around and realized just how silent it truly was. Three days she was in the med bay with him, rarely leaving his side unless it was to get them food or when she went to get his datapad from the CIC, and she hadn’t seen anyone else aside from medical staff, Draven, and Mon Mothma. She lowered her datapad and sniffed before looking at him. “Am I allowed to be here?”

Cassian didn’t move any other part of his body; he just lifted his head, stared at the door for a moment while he processed her question, then, finally, looked at her. His eyelids flinched briefly then he asked: “What?”

“Am I… can I _be_ in here?” Surely Cassian had others, friends and co-workers that would visit if they could. Were they just kept away because of protocol? Was it because she was here and no one wanted to be around her and by proxy him; Draven certainly still had a problem with her existence on the rebel base, maybe others did too. Or was Cassian so deep into his job that he hardly had any connections to others? 

She glanced at his datapad, which he finally lowered to lay in his lap, screen up and still glowing - he was working even now; reading his aliases. 

_“My alternate identities are more than just the name I go by when I’m in the field. They have to be living people… they can’t just stay on one base or someone will realize they’re actually not there. So there are transfers and accidents, family disasters or mistakes. Things that get lost in paperwork and messages left unread. A presence must be established even if I’m not the one establishing it-- like, here,” he had shown her. “This one just got a divorce, so he left to finalize it.”_

_“But you don’t make these changes?”_

_He stuck out his lower lip and shook his head minutely while he shifted on the bed -- he was growing restless again. “No, there are agents in intelligence that are experts in moving things around under the radar. I’m in the field more than I’m ever here.”_

_Jyn nodded. She knew all about keeping aliases active so as not too look suspicious if someone were to look beyond the scandoc. “Lucky me that you were on base when I got here,” she said and watched as his expression shifted for a moment and he pulled his datapad away from her view, settling back in the bed. “Not lucky?”_

_“No, it’s… I was the one who brought back the information about your Father. I was assigned to you from then on.”_

_“Hm,” she hummed and leaned back in her plasteel chair, shrugging. “You didn’t deny it.”_

_He smiled and she grinned as she pulled her left leg up to press her thigh to her chest while she continued to work on her project on her 'pad and they resumed the comfortable silence while he studied._

A workaholic, even when on bedrest, and more often off base than on. Maybe he didn’t have friends outside Kay. The very idea made her heart clench and she pressed her lips together while holding Cassian’s gaze. 

“Of course you can. Why, did someone say something?”

She lifted one shoulder while shaking her head. “No… not necessarily.” 

Cassian sat up more and she instantly regretted her phrasing because he looked angry. “What?”

“No, nothing… it’s fine.” 

“Jyn.”

She widened her eyes and shoved her head forward on her neck while lifting her upper lip some. “Cassian,” she mocked, then pointed to his datapad. “What are you doing?” The stern, inquisitive look was hard to ignore and _not_ laugh at but she held strong because it wasn’t her place to point fingers. “Aliases still?”

After a moment, he nodded. “Yes. Who told you that you don’t belong here, Jyn?”

Belong here rang in her ears and warmth spread through her chest like the perfect temperature tea on a cold morning. She smiled somberly and blinked a few times before lowering her gaze, trying not to hold too tight to the promise of home he kept making. “No one said that… but Draven has me doing some work for the pathfinders, some scandocs needed for some infiltration-whatever-the-kark. Said I needed to earn my keep,” she informed and brandished her datapad.

It wasn’t what she had been asking but it was an answer to what _he_ was asking. Admitting that she was self-conscious about her place at his side, not if she belonged in the rebellion, seemed far more embarrassing than anything else she could think of. She’d known Cassian for barely seven days, not a full standard week and a half, and yet it seemed like a year, maybe a lifetime ago, she was Liana Hallik; no affiliation and certainly no friends. Now, at least, she had Cassian. He hadn’t left her and in a lot of ways that at least made them a little more than acquaintances. 

Again, Cassian’s expression hardened. “He can’t order you to do anything.” 

“He’s not...” she tilted her head to the side and settled him with a chiding look. 

“You did your part--”

“I know that and so does he but I’m using up space-”

“You don’t even have your own bed. You’ve been sleeping here-”

“I’m eating the food and drinking water…”

“Basic sentient rights, at the least you could be classified as a refugee.” 

“... medical expe--?” she tsked, giving up on the argument, and rolled her eyes. She shouldn’t have to explain why she wanted to stay; help. “Cass, it’s fine,” she finally snapped and lifted her other leg up to join the first, curling into a ball in her curved chair, the ‘pad in her face so she missed the way he startled at the use of a nickname, proceded by a soft smile. “I want to help.” 

He let out a long-suffering sigh. “If he orders you to do something you don’t--”

Jyn peeked over her datapad. “I’ll tell you,” she assured, her eyes narrowing at the corners. 

Although the smile he returned was hardly there or noticeable, she saw it; having learned early on that his eyes were where she could find any mirth or joy. It made her smile grow but she had the pad to distort her features and she tried to school her expression as she sank further in her chair to hide behind her own legs and tech, barely catching his return to his own datapad. 

The moment was shattered, both their non-smiles dropping into neutral expressions, when the door opened and Mon Mothma entered. As always, she entered with great poise and elegance -- a tranquil presence that Jyn would never be able to embody herself -- but her expression was not as impassive and soft as usual. She looked disconsolate and Jyn’s stomach dropped faster than a bantha from a height, disappearing somewhere in the vicinity of her feet. 

“What is it?” she asked.

“You deserve to hear it from…” Mothma, uncharacteristically, paused to swallow and averted her gaze briefly. “I’m so sorry,” she finally said and looked to Jyn. “The Empire demonstrated the full potential of your father’s weapon.”

Jyn dropped her feet to the floor with resounding thuds, barely audible over the pounding in her ears. Left entirely speechless, she hoped Mothma would elaborate without prompting and she couldn’t bear to bring her gaze back to Cassian. 

“Alderaan,” she announced and this time looked to Cassian. Jyn followed her gaze and felt her heart break at the expression on his face.

_They were too late._

.  
.  
.

Jyn finished her walk from mess to back, the most she could handle with how broken her body still felt, but stopped outside the med bay door to catch her breath and prepare for what was inside; she didn’t want Cassian to know just how badly she still hurt especially now when he seemed more burdened than ever.

Since they were told about Alderaan the day before, he was quieter and less open to conversing despite his insistence that it was okay she stayed. He hadn’t asked her to stay since the night before they were told the news. Although she knew that he wouldn’t blame _her_ for the construction of the planet killer nor could he for the decimation of Alderaan -- they had been together and done the best they possibly could -- she still wondered what he thought when he saw her. Her father, a criminal, or something else; a partner

After Mothma had left, they had sought comfort in one another and held one another’s hands until they drifted off to sleep, tears drying in their eyes. Jyn had woke up and nearly had to pry her eyes open from all the crust that nearly sealed them shut as a result of late night crying. 

Now she felt nervous to share the space with him -- Jyn leaned against the damp, stone wall of the corridor, leaning her head back to touch against the hard surface as she closed her eyes and breathed deeply. 

Every step she took closer to Cassian, he seemed to take a step back. Like two same charged, magnets with just enough room to not be repulsed violently but with each slight movement from her, when she moved towards him, he seemed to inch that bit away. The two of them never to meet. It was beginning to make her feel like a child again; the way she had shadowed Saw. She was not so childish now to attempt creating her entire personality to be something he noticed and might, one day, acknowledge. She was stronger than that now. She knew who she was even if that meant recognizing she made a mistake by not choosing to fight for what was right until the opportunity was shoved in her face.. 

But she still wanted some validation from someone that staying on Yavin IV was the right choice - she wanted Cassian to do more than back away slowly. 

He’d stayed with her, came back for her. He had _supported_ her but maybe that was for the benefit of the mission he wanted to complete. He had been assigned to her after all. 

An older man, maybe in his mid forties, with a full mustache came running towards her, his eyes wide; delighted. She stood away from the wall, partly in alarm and defense, but also in hopes of intercepting whatever good news he brought. However, he didn’t pass her like she thought he would, he slowed down to address her specifically. “Sergeant Erso,” he greeted and her heart swelled with _something_ but she bit back her smile by sucking on her tongue and nodded her head eagerly. “They’re here. The plans have been returned by Princess Leia.” 

She nearly fell back against the wall again, relief crashing over her like a wave. 

“They’re being authenticated now.” 

Again, she nodded and then moved to follow him when he opened the med bay door to Cassian’s room. Seeing his eyes closed, she motioned at the private to hang back while she walked up to his bed, near his left arm, and brushed her fingers along the inside of his forearm. 

“Cassian,” she whispered.

His bed was in an upright, reclined position, his pillow crooked and head tilted to the left, chin angled down. It didn’t look comfortable but judging by how quickly he reacted to her touch, he couldn’t have been asleep long. Cassian blinked into awareness and slowly brought his gaze up to hers, bleary and soft at first but then he noticed the private, who had shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Jyn watched, rather helplessly, as Cassian hid behind a neutral expression. She hoped it didn’t last long, considering the news they had, and judging by the way his eyes immediately returned to hers, she had a feeling that she was giving everything away with her own excitement. He looked back at the private in time to watch the private's lips as he finally delivered the news. 

“Captain Andor, the plans have been recovered. They’ve been delivered by Princess Leia…” he said with as much enthusiasm as he’d told her. It was the second time he had said the name but only now did she realize it was different than the way Mon Mothma said it. Was her name Lay-uh or Lee-uh? She blinked rapidly and shoved the question to the back of her mind for another time because right now the joy on Cassian’s face was of the utmost priority. 

Cassian looked at her again and she smiled, nodding, sharing his elation, and finally he exhaled sharply through barely parted lips, which curved up into a half smile. His reaction earned a relieved laugh of her own as she bowed her head and let the weight fall off her chest. It could be over soon -- they would exploit her father’s trap and destroy the Death Star and, maybe, bring an end to the Empire. The private left after a few answered inquiries and Jyn lifted a foot to move away only for Cassian to catch her hand in his; his fingers wrapped around hers for a soft squeeze. 

There was something in his eyes she couldn’t place; something greater than hope and something more innocent than desire. 

It tempted her. 

It fueled the flame that she was already trying to extinguish because she couldn’t attach too much to the new home she had or it would hurt that much more when it was all, inevitably, taken from her. She stepped closer; taking the chance that maybe he wouldn’t take the step backwards. Wondering ‘ _what if_ ’ she brushed his hair from his brow. Considering the ‘ _maybe this time_ ’. 

He shoved his tongue between his teeth before sucking on it and finally clenching his jaw, then his fingers fell away from hers. 

_Almost._

Her curse. She swallowed and stepped away. 

"Stay…" he requested and she looked at him for a moment before she grabbed her datapad and took her usual seat by his side.

.  
.  
.

Despite her nervousness in leaving Cassian behind during the most crucial hour, he insisted she go to the briefing. Someone from Rogue One had to represent them and see what all their sacrifice had earned.

“It’s your father’s work… you should see it with your own eyes.” 

So, she stood in the back of the briefing room as yet another person called the Princess by Lee-uh and she was half tempted to weave through the orange and white suits to get to her where she stood to the General's, Dodonna's, left. She wanted to ask her to clarify. But, along with her at the front, Draven also stood beside Dodonna and the last thing she wanted was for him to throw her out. Just as she settled in her spot at the back, no longer tempted, they projected the plans on a large holoscreen. 

To her right a man, not in uniform, stood beside a wookie and the scent reeked. “Is that you or the wookie,” she asked the man and both of them protested similarly; with a growl. 

She widened her eyes and held up her hands in surrender before looking back to the front just as the old man started the presentation. An array of little, white dots slowly got larger on the black screen and Dodonna proceeded: “The battle station is heavily shielded and carries a firepower greater than half the starfleet.” 

She tilted her head as she watched the orb form - it looked so innocent on the screen and, in truth, Jyn realized she still didn’t know what it looked like in person. If the Rebellion was successful, as she hoped, then she would never have to. The whole room seemed to shift at once; leaning closer or nudging the person beside them to whisper comments but she zeroed in on the presentation. 

“It’s defenses are designed around a direct, large-scale assault. A small, one-man fighter should be able to penetrate the outer defense.” The wookie beside her looked to the man, who rolled his eyes and looked away with a frown, while the HUD showed the method of delivery for a single shot through the exhaust port, as her father had mentioned in his message. The one, she wished more than ever, she had grabbed before running away with Cassian. 

“Pardon me for asking, sir, but what good are snub fighters against that?” One pilot asked and Jyn arched a brow, surprised someone could interrupt a general during a briefing. 

“Well,” Dodonna replied, “The Empire doesn’t consider a small, one-man fighter to be any threat. Or they have a tighter defense.” 

_Or my father designed it that way to blindside them_ , Jyn thought, clenching her jaw to keep from snapping bitterly. She had taken the council on but that nearly got her tossed out before she could get to Scarif in the first place, she wanted to be present for the briefing so she would have to keep her thoughts to herself this time. 

“An analysis of the plans, provided by Princess Leia, has demonstrated a weakness” -- _a trap_ \-- “in the battle station. The approach will not be easy; you’re required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point.” he stopped the presentation on a close up of the exhaust port. “The target area is only two meters wide. It is a small thermal exhaust port right below the main port.” 

The room shifted again, whispers followed, and Leia actually unfroze to look at someone in the crowd of pilots -- a boy dressed in a dirty, white shirt. Jyn narrowed her eyes and looked between them, both of them matching in terms of filthiness. 

“The shaft," Didonna continued, "will lead you directly to the main system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station. Only a precise hit will set up a chain reaction. The shaft is ray-shielded, so you’ll have to use proton torpedoes.” 

“That’s impossible,” the brunette sitting by the boy shouted and Jyn’s attention was again brought to the backs of their heads. “Even for a computer.” 

“It’s not impossible,” the boy assured, shaking his head. “I used to bull’s-eye womp rats in my T-16 back home. They’re not much bigger than two meters.” 

“Then man your ships,” Dodonna concluded. “And may the Force be with you.” 

Jyn’s heart clenched and she reached up to grip her kyber crystal as she pressed her lips together into a firm line. Everyone stood and started to move to their stations but, as she moved to intercept Generals Draven and Dodonna to confront them about how they prepared the presentation with the idea of shoving Scarif and her father’s sacrifice all in a closet and act as though there wasn’t an intentional plan to destroy the weapon and it was all a lucky flaw, a feminine voice called her name and she nearly stumbled down the last step. She winced as pain shot up her left leg. She turned to face the voice and was surprised to see Leia walking hastily towards her, a soft smile on her face. 

“Jyn, right? You’re… it was you, wasn’t it?”

She turned to look at Leia and lifted one shoulder. “What was?” she asked, ignoring the smell wafting off the princess -- so apparently she had been with the blonde boy and the two from the back. What had they done, jumped into sewage?

“You were on Scarif. With Cassian.” 

It was strange to hear someone else call him by his first name rather than rank and surname but Jyn recovered with a mere blink and a nod. “Yes.”

“You’re due far more credit than I,” she said and Jyn nearly laughed.

“From what I heard, you were tortured by Vader himself and barely made it back alive.” 

Leia smiled and dipped her chin. “That’s true but you… this wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for you and Cassian--”

“It was all of Rogue One… a lot of good people died.” 

She nodded, her expression softer and less enthusiastic but no less passionate about her words. “You got the plans when no one else would - I saw the explosion on Scarif and I thought you would all be lost. I was happy to hear there were at least five.” She inhaled deeply through her nose and smiled. “You all deserve the highest honors and, should we succeed in this, I’ll see to it that you do.” 

She nodded. “Thank you but it’s not necessary.”

“The words of a true hero.” 

“I’m no hero.” 

“That’s not up to you to decide.” When Jyn narrowed her eyes, Leia smiled sympathetically and added: “if it were, no one would ever be recognized for their heroic actions and achievements.” 

They gazed at one another for another moment before they were interrupted by an alarm and a man’s voice over the speaker, and if not for the exclusiveness of the announcement she would have thought it a recording: “The Death Star is on the approach. Non-essential staff, execute evacuation order five and proceed to rendezvous point delta.” 

Leia looked to her and put a gentle hand on her arm before Jyn could process the words and the following burst of energy of the base as everyone ran to their places. The princess left and Jyn pivoted on her right heel before making her own way, at a brisk pace, to get to med bay. She nearly got trampled twice and had to shove many people aside when they formed tight groups in the narrow hall, but she got there with minimal altercations, her knee only slightly radiating pain, and barely out of breath. The door opened and Jyn paused in the entryway to register all the commotion. 

All around Cassian’s bed were medics and his main doctor. Cassian was demanding answers but was also, seemingly, protesting whatever they were trying to tell him to do. When he saw her through their arms and shoulders, to where she had paused, Cassian froze and craned his neck higher to acknowledge her. “Jyn! What’s going on?”

She came close and wiggled her way between the medics and inserted herself close to his head. “The Death Star is approaching-” clearly he knew that “and… they’re planning an attack on the Death Star. The trap is set. The whole system will go down if they make that shot.” 

“What are the odds?”

A mournful look passed between them, a shadow crossed his face just as she felt something cold grip her heart, but she managed a weak smile. “Two meter wide port. There’s a kid who says it’s possible, so…”

He exhaled through his nose and nodded. “We’ve beat worse, I suppose.” 

Glancing at the doctors, Jyn asked, “where are you taking him?”

“We need to get him on the _Redemption_ , along with the others in medical and any civilians on base.” 

She pointed to herself and settled the doctor with an inquisitive look. The doctor nodded curtly and she looked back at Cassian in time for the next announcement to come. 

“Death Star arrival in twenty minutes.” 

Fear struck her like a baton to the chest. At least they had warning this time. At least they had a true chance to escape. 

“Move,” the doctor ordered and the bed lifted off the ground an inch, hovering, as one of the medics got behind Cassian to push it in the direction of the door and Jyn jogged alongside - eventually slowing down because her knee couldn’t allow for her to keep up. 

“Jyn?”

“Right behind you,” she assured Cassian, her stomach clenching at the distress in his voice. 

They got to the hangar but there was already a line. She stood beside him for a few minutes before he patted the edge of his bed while looking at her with his eyebrows furrowed. “You didn’t mention your knee was hurting,” he said quietly, just audible over the din of the hangar; droids, sentients shouting over one another, hydraulics hissing. 

“It’s fine.” 

He gave her a disbelieving glare and she rolled her eyes. 

“I didn’t need surgery to fix it.” 

“Let’s not compare injuries here.” 

She sighed and finally took the offered spot by his hip. “Will you just trust me? I said I’m fine.” 

They only moved up four spots when the next announcement came. “T-minus ten minutes.” 

The doors to the _Redemption_ closed after the next group made it on and many people began panicking but Jyn could only feel herself deflate, her shoulders stooping and eyelids drooping. “Guess it was too much to hope we could escape it three times…” she muttered and looked back at Cassian. 

Both their hands moved in unison, finding the other’s, and she closed her eyes -- her heart aching in her chest when she thought about how far they had made it. Wondering if they were only spared so they could confirm that, at the very least, their work wasn’t lost to nothingness. The rebellion still knew of the weakness, regardless if they won today, there was hope. As Chirrut would say, the Force willed it; for them to have that much closure before they finally met their ends. The ship took off and Jyn just watched as everything in the hangar went still and quiet, a lot of people went to stand outside to watch their doom approach in pairs or small groups. 

Some sat on crates inside, sitting in the dark and silence, alongside them. She thought that she should say something profound but all she could do was look at Cassian and wonder if she was ever meant to have a future or if it was always meant to be this way; death by her own father’s creation. 

Minutes passed in what felt like an eternity then, slowly, a cheer moved towards them like a rolling wave. It started down the hall, towards the CIC, and at first it moved further away, into the bowels of the base, but then it came closer, slow and rumbling until it burst forth in a reverberating roar against the tall pillars and stone walls. 

“It’s done! Skywalker finished it! The Planet Killer is destroyed!” 

The news continued to carry all the way outside the base to those who had been facing their doom head on, their faces to the dusk sky, above the canopy of trees. Now they were enveloped in the celebration and jubilation and Jyn, by proxy, felt it swell in her chest until it manifested and bubbled out as a burst of laughter. She turned to look at Cassian and saw he was smiling and laughing too; a dimple in his left cheek. Seeing such lovely euphoria on his face made her heart soar. 

Jyn leaned forward and hugged him for the first time since Scarif, his arms moving around her even though he kept his back to the bed. They laughed again in unison then Jyn slowly quieted and relaxed into his embrace, her eyes suddenly heavy as everything in her relaxed at once. She blinked slowly and her smile faded to something less bold as she pulled back, their temples sliding against one another until Cassian turned his head against hers and she froze, their foreheads pressed together. 

She held his gaze until she felt cross-eyed and closed her eyes instead while inhaling deeply. “We did it,” she whispered. 

He remained silent so she opened her eyes again to find he was still staring at her so she finally sat up straight again, slowly, and held his gaze -- deep, dark, and searching. 

“They’re coming!!” Someone shouted and the hangar collectively looked to the two x-wings, a y-wing, and a piece of junk, light freighter entering the bay. Jyn held still for an extra second until she saw Leia running, almost prancing, from the hall to greet the pilots with a shout of victory and a tackle-like hug for the blonde. She watched them walk off as a unit of three, the wookie coming up alongside them, strutting like the champion he was. Then she turned to look at Cassian but, again, he was already looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face. 

She inhaled deeply and finally stood off his bed when the medics returned to take him back to med bay to continue his eight day long bedrest. By the time they turned him 180 degrees, Draven was walking up to greet Cassian, who shifted and eagerly greeted him. Jyn stayed put until she could no longer see the two men then she turned around to watch the festivities begin. Wondering why, despite the relief she felt, she couldn’t call it joy. 

And why this still felt like an end rather than a new beginning.

.  
.  
.

“They want to acknowledge what you did, Cassian,” Jyn said as she leaned forward to help him fasten his dress shirt after watching him struggle with it for longer than a minute. He leaned away and deflected her reach with his free hand before resuming his effort without her assistance. She sighed and took a step back.

“Skywalker, Solo, and Chewbacca-” she continued but paused when he looked confused for a moment. She reminded him that Solo had a wookie partner and he nodded in acknowledgement. “-they are getting awards too. I think Leia might be getting one but she’s still the one handing them out… so.” 

Jyn lifted her gaze to the ceiling and arched her eyebrows while inhaling sharply and deeply in a half yawn. 

Cassian was off bed rest only three days after the arrival of the plans and the victory against the Death Star. Now he was beginning physical therapy four times a day for the next three weeks and he was more irritable than ever before. Today, despite the ceremony, he was scheduled for his third day of therapy and he had two more sessions scheduled for today. As eager as he was to get his mobility back, Jyn knew he was frustrated that physical therapy currently consisted of being helped into standing from one chair and pivoting into another; no steps involved and someone always helped him by standing behind him and holding onto the handles on the harness he was forced to wear while she held Cassian’s forearms, his hands wrapped around her own forearms. 

For someone as capable as Cassian, surely the smallest of successes seemed belittling. When he did learn to walk again, she had a feeling he would reject any praise because walking was ‘too simple a task’. 

She looked down in time to see him finish fastening his shirt and dropped his hands in his lap heavily, glaring at nothing in particular but somehow everything in the room, her included. He didn’t say anything. 

“Am I saying her name right? It is _Leia_ , right?”

Finally he met her gaze and narrowed his eyes. “Yes.”

“Well, some people say it differently and it would be embarrassing to be one of the ones that have it wrong.” she explained and sat down in the seat across from his med bay bed even though he was in his repulsor-chair. Jyn studied him for a moment and swallowed before asking, “is it because you’re in a chair? No one is pitying you. If anything they only respect you, Cass.” 

He looked at her sharply and she felt a familiar pang in her chest that she got every time he did so but repressed the urge to flinch. She couldn’t tell if he was always so reactive or if it was just her that made him react so strongly and, often, so adversely. 

“Do you want me to go?” She asked churlishly, feeling irritated herself now. 

His expression didn’t change. “Do _you_ want to go?”

She clenched her jaw, her eyebrows tense to the point it was almost painful from how long she stayed that way. Now she wasn’t sure what they were talking about; leaving from med bay, leaving to go to the ceremony, or leaving Yavin IV.

The door opened, saving her from having to come up with a response, and Draven walked in and looked to Cassian with a formal nod but then looked to Jyn and his expression soured. “Is that what you’re wearing?”

Although she knew what she was wearing already, his reaction had her double checking her attire, her chin touching her chest. It was formal wear, like Cassian was wearing, only she wore beige pants where he wore black, they both wore white shirts but while he wore his officer jacket, now with a Major patch on it, she wore a black vest -- nicer than the one she had worn throughout her mission on Scarif; where that had gone after she was arrested off the U-wing was anyone’s guess. 

Jyn shrugged and looked back at Draven. “What?” Did he expect her to wear a dress? 

The muscle in his cheek rippled and Jyn almost preened at seeing him almost break his stony character because of her. It was almost a game at this point. “The others are waiting,” he advised instead and Jyn glanced at Cassian, who glanced back. They all left at the same time but while Draven broke off to stand at the front, she and Cassian continued to the back where Skywalker, Solo, and Chewie waited on the other side of the door. 

“Oh, hey, you’re Andor, right?” Solo asked and held out his hand to Cassian, who took it and nodded. “Yeah, Jyn mentioned you.” 

“Mentioned? More like-” Jyn glared at Luke, who snapped his mouth shut with an audible click of his molars, then sniffed and offered a smile to Cassian. “Nice to finally meet you.” 

“And you three,” Cassian said, his tone lighter than she’d heard it since he got out of surgery. “Thank you for bringing back the princess and the plans. We would likely be stardust if not for you.” 

“Well, maybe not. Empire only found this place because they put a blasted beacon on my baby.” 

Chewie growled something in response and Han rolled his eyes. “How is that my fault?!” 

Suddenly loud music blared from the other side of the doors and they all straightened and looked to the massive, double doors. Han straightened his jacket with a sharp tug, Luke fidgeted until they got in a proper line, and Jyn stood beside Cassian. She glanced down at him while he looked up to meet her gaze; _ready_?

_If you are..._

“Maybe you two should be up front,” Luke whispered harshly.

She looked away from Cassian and leaned closer to Luke, her neck craned forward and eyes narrowed. “What?”

“You started this. You should start us out.” She peered at Han, who shrugged his shoulders, then looked to Cassian. 

He shifted his gaze around like he was weighing the pros and cons of each decision but the answer was on a flimsi someone kept dangling and moving in random directions in front of his face while he was trying to read it. Finally, he met her gaze and arched an eyebrow. “It would be less pathetic if we weren’t lagging behind with a limp and a hoverchair,” he conceded. 

“Good,” Luke said and stepped back, Han following his lead, and Jyn and Cassian moved in front just as the doors opened and the music crescendoed for their entrance down the steps. 

In her opinion, no matter if she led or followed, she did look pathetic since she had to limp down the stairs one step at a time, like a child first learning to descend steps, so she could always lead with her right. To add to her embarrassment: everyone was dressed in their best uniforms, all crisp and clean, nothing of the rag-tag militia the rebellion normally appeared to be -- making her feel inadequate -- and they were all watching as the five of them made their way closer to the front of the magnificent atrium. 

Ahead of her was Leia, looking as much the princess as she was in her stunning, white gown and her hair in an elaborate braid. She even wore cosmetics to make her face look softer and more beautiful than ever. Behind Leia were all the generals, some she’d met and others she did not, and behind them three dramatic pillars reaching for the open, vaulted ceiling, with vines crawling all the way up with the illusion of cascading, green water. 

Chewie roared and Jyn flinched, startled, but kept going until she was two steps below where Leia stood on the landing. The rumble of the entire crowd pivoting and stomping their feet resonated like a clap of thunder all around them but she focused on Leia, who was looking between the five of them like they were something special and not just five sentients chosen by fate to complete an impossible task. 

Strangers thrown together and told they were meant to be something they’re not. 

She glanced at Cassian; maybe he was what they expected but a criminal, a smuggler, a farmboy, and a wookie could not be what the Rebellion planned on having be the faces of their victory. Yet Bodhi, an imperial defector, Baze and Chirrut, guardians protecting secrets of a different era, a reprogrammed imperial droid, and a band of assassins, sabetors, and spies all sounded like heroes to her. The past couldn’t define someone or represent who they were but their actions could, who they became as a result, their journey could start anywhere from a prison to a desert but they were on a path that could lead them to a victory against the Empire. 

The people that took everything from them. 

Leia finished awarding them their medals and suddenly an R2 unit appeared and whistled his way to the front, next to a golden protocol droid, and Jyn glanced at him while Leia and Luke both looked pleased at the arrival, smiling softly before they all turned to face the others, to show off the heavy medal resting against all five of their chests. She still felt it ridiculous that Leia wasn’t also wearing one but she just held her breath while she looked over the crowd, standing beside Cassian, who looked like he couldn’t be bothered either way, while she wondered if she could ever live up to the expectations that now seemed to be set in front of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, comments, questions are welcome! 
> 
> Thank you to @hese sols and @benthelastskywalker for reviewing this early on and giving the feedback during development stages. I appreciate you!


	6. 2 ABY

Jyn wondered if she knew how to grieve someone properly. 

She had returned to her everyday life again; relaying long-range messages between bases with the help of the pair of smugglers hired on by the rebellion, keeping the house tidy, and tending to the livestock. It kept her occupied but not nearly occupied enough. Even without Cassian to split the work, she still was done too quickly and she needed the work. The distraction. Yet, it didn’t feel right; shouldn’t she be mourning, unable to move from her bed?

Currently scrubbing the floor in front of the door where it was discolored a dark smudge rather than the warm red-brown color it was supposed to be, Jyn focused on removing the stain, clearing her mind. Her knees ached and her hands were starting to turn pink, but she kept scrubbing until her fingers locked up and she could barely drop the bristle brush from her grasp. Such aches and pains distracted her from the sharp, constant agony where her heart was supposed to be and the way her stomach seemed to be _actually_ missing; she hadn’t been hungry in a week. 

Her denial of Cassian’s passing had gone rather quickly, especially considering she knew what he was capable of, but now she was simply perpetually angry. She’d already broken the livestock gate when the catch snagged on her vest and she turned around to beat it off it’s hinges. Han and Chewie had fixed it before they left two days after they had arrived. Han, having seen the damage done, seemed hesitant to leave which only made her laugh at him; mocking him for being so sensitive when his whole lifestyle was dependent on being aloof. She had watched something pass through his features, something like hurt, but he masked it as quickly as she had seen Cassian do so many times and instead of being apologetic, she yelled at him again and walked away. Thankfully, she came back to herself and apologized before they left which he accepted without any snide remarks of his own.

In retrospect, he likely didn’t think she could handle it. 

While they had been with her, they tried to get her to eat but the best she complied to was bone broth, water, and rum; so she could eventually pass out since she couldn’t sleep without the depressant effects of alcohol. 

Now, three days after they had left from their two day stay, she moved like an empty husk because her anger did nothing to help her loss and their absence only made her loss of Cassian that much more sharp. She wanted to call Draven to yell at him for putting Cassian at risk in the first place but it was impossible from The Station and it wouldn't, really, quell her rage and neither would calling Mothma and demanding Cassian’s body. Also, likely, impossible. Although it would feel amazing to shout at the people she held responsible for his death, it wouldn't bring him back anymore successfully than yelling at Cassian had when it came to her father. 

Short of fleeing, abandoning her post, she was left to go through the motions of the life she and Cassian had built but even that nearly had her destroying some of their momentos. Seeing them caused the agony to return and she couldn’t stand another minute of it. 

For someone who had lived most of their life alone, she seemed to have lost some of that independence. For nearly three years it had been her and Cassian. He had introduced her into a new life and a new home and he had always been there. Always. Now she was alone and she hadn't been let down softly. 

She finished scrubbing the floor and slammed the brush into the bucket forcefully, water sloshing out, some of it splashing onto her face. As she wiped her face, she started to get up; her knees protesting after being on them for so long, worst was her left knee that reminded her that she wasn’t the same person she was three years ago. Once up, she bent her left knee back and forth a few times before bending to grab the bucket. She opened the door and was met with a man already standing there. Startled, she lifted the bucket and went to shove it at him, defensive. 

“Whoa!” he dodged backwards just as it was swiping to smack him in the side of his head, his eyes widened and hands out in surrender. “Easy!” 

The water splashed out and drenched his boots, the only part of his body not yet out of the way from her attack. He looked down only briefly to look at where the liquid saturated his boots and likely got inside and dampened his socks, then he was looking back up at her, prepared for another round of assault. 

“Who are you,” she snapped, already trying to calculate the time it would take to get to the vibroblade in her boot and use it against him. 

Instead of answering, the black-haired man took another step backwards and kept one hand raised, palm facing her, the other pushing through his long hair to push it out of his face again. “I didn’t mean to startle you,” he stated apologetically, pressing thin lips together into a grim line. 

She clenched her jaw and glared at him before glancing around to find just a single, green and black-colored speeder, the man followed her gaze and looked over his shoulder before returning his focus to her and the bucket she was still prepared to hurl at him. 

“Look, I just built a place on the other side of that mountain there,” he pointed to his right but Jyn didn’t spare a glance. “I saw your house and I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Saren--” 

“I don’t care.” 

He blinked and arched a brow. “Do you live here alone?”

He was about the same stature as Kes Dameron and she beat him every time during training. The difference was Kes was a trained pathfinder but she knew nothing about the man standing in front of her; for all she knew he was a trained assassin or, perhaps, he was exactly as he looked; a rich asshole who was running away from something. It could be over very quickly with him on the ground or it could be a long fight where she may or may not be sent to rejoin Cassian.

He was dressed in a white, gold, and light blue tunic with beige pants. His clothes were too nice to be someone out for farming let alone someone exploring the land surrounding his house. If his soft, unmarked but tanned hands revealed anything it was that he hadn’t done a hard day of work in his life. It would probably be a quick fight. 

Regardless -- nothing about him made her feel safe or that she shouldn’t attack him right then and there. It was easy to lie, especially since she still felt like it was true. 

Cassian could still come home and she wouldn’t be alone. 

“No,” she said and shifted her grip on the bucket handle, ready to pelt him with it; every second that went by her urge grew. 

“Ah, well, I do. I’m glad to have a neighbor, even if we’re far apart. Do you have a speeder?”

“Are you always this nosy,” she asked through gritted teeth.

Saren frowned and shoved his hands in his pockets and she shifted her stance, her left foot moving in front of her right, her right arm -- holding the bucket -- swinging back. “I’m just trying to be neighborly,” he said softly, looking genuinely offended. 

Suddenly there was no sound, just her own breathing and the gravel crunching under his boots when he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. She honed into his presence, adrenaline coursing through her veins. 

“I want you to leave. My husband and I prefer to be alone, hence why we’re all the way out here.” He looked around as if he would find Cassian and the aching maw returned to her gut with a vengeance because he would never be seen again and they would never be more than partners; she would never be the wife she claimed to be. “He’ll be home within the hour,” she said, projecting her voice in an aim for strength and confidence all the while her heart was trying to kill her. “Probably sooner.” 

There was a prolonged, agonizing moment, where she thought he was going to invite himself over but he nodded curtly instead, his lower lip sticking out agreeably before he took another step backwards. “Well, have a good evening then. Like I said, my house is just over that crest there.” 

“Great,” she said. “We’ll know to hike up the other mountain from now on.” 

His eyebrow arched into a sharp peek and he huffed a laugh before turning to finally walk back to his speeder. She stood at attention, her body tense and straight as a rod, until he was finally out of sight then she unclenched her sore jaw and relaxed her tongue from pressing against the roof of her mouth and against her teeth forcefully. The natural sounds of the valley finally filtered back into her ears and she sighed heavily just as one of the goats bleated from the side of the house. After dumping out the remaining dirty water into the gravel, she checked the livestock before returning inside. 

The moment the door closed behind her she looked around and, despite the smell of cleaning chemicals, she could still smell them and her eyes went to the holographs again, remembering her conversation with Shara even as she walked up to her favorite projection to pick off the shelf and hold in her palm, gazing into it like it could be a portal to the past. Tears glistened and threatened to spill over, so she closed her eyes and let them fall; her lungs hiccuping with the urge to both inhale and scream at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments highly appreciated! Thank you for reading! 
> 
> As promised; one, last double post update. Next chapter is actually pretty long.


	7. 0 ABY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and title inspired by "Pictures on the Wall" by Ira Wolf

“Sergeant Erso,” Draven sighed and rubbed the side of his face. “I’m not asking you to sign onto the rebellion.” 

She pressed her tongue between her teeth and raised her eyebrows, her arms crossed against her chest as she regarded him with a critical gaze. “Good, I’m glad to know my position was actually heard in that respect,” she replied and Draven clenched his jaw, standing in front of her with his arms at his sides. “What are you asking then?”

“I would have to be a right fool not to acknowledge the talent and skills you have. Your work in retrieving the plans to the Death Star are not so easily dismissed. I’m asking that, since you remain on base, that you assist in some of the missions that people like Han Solo tend to. As you know, Captain Solo is also remaining with us without properly signing on to the rebellion and he does his share by utilizing his ship to make runs.” 

“And, what, he needs a partner?”

“More or less.” 

She averted her gaze and considered it. Truthfully, she was getting rather anxious; forging scandocs and consulting on training exercises with the new recruits that came with the destruction of the Death Star two weeks ago only got her so much. Most of the time she stayed with Cassian to help with his physical therapy and it felt rather odd to agree to leave for so long when he only had one more week scheduled of therapy and he would finally be able to be discharged from Med Bay. He was so close and she wanted to be there the day that the doctor gave him the proper bill of health and released him. No matter how restless she was getting, she couldn’t leave now. 

“How soon would I have to begin?”

Draven appeared nonplussed, his eyebrows shooting up and jaw relaxing. “Preferably as soon as possible. You’d be given a partner, of course--” 

“Why?” She startled. “I don’t need one.” 

“Backup-”

“Don’t you have solo agents?”

“For intelligence purposes but not for field and supply runs. And, pardon me for saying, Sergeant-” she still wasn’t used to being addressed by her title by Draven but since the award ceremony he seemed to reluctantly accept it “- but your track record isn’t exactly spotless in terms of… going AWOL.” 

“Pardon _me_ , General, but I believe I’m owed a ship and passage off this moon in the first place. I could leave whenever I want and I have remained for the last month despite the fact The Empire knows exactly where we are and could come knocking on the front door any day now. I don’t think my loyalty should be what is in question here.” 

He sighed. “Consider it, Erso, but you will be assigned a partner after a trial run with Captain Solo, of course.” 

Jyn just barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes but she nodded and turned away with the clear dismissal of Draven turning away from her to discuss what was on the datapad brought forth by an ensign. She turned around and left the CIC and went straight for the quarters she was assigned per Cassian’s insistence and request taken straight to Mon Mothma, who agreed. It was meant for two people but she had it to herself, tossing her spare clothes on the top bunk while she stayed on the bottom. She didn’t have a lot, given that she had nothing but the clothes on her back when she first came to Yavin IV but the requisitions officer got her some extra clothes and boots. 

It was quiet but it had a window which kept it from being too dark -- much to her relief -- and Jyn often would sit on her bed and just look out the window at the jungle outside, taking in all the different shades of green and brown. The fauna that occasionally ambled through and wandered close and she felt even more at ease and reflective; wondering what it would be like to be so unencumbered. When she went to meet with Draven, she had left Cassian to a nap in medical, so she figured she had time for one herself -- more interested in getting her left leg up for a bit. She opened the door only to find someone, dressed in mostly grays with a hood over the back of their head, already inside; pulling pucks out of a bag on the bottom bunk. 

On instinct, Jyn pulled out her blaster and aimed it at the other sentient’s back. “Stand up slowly, hands where I can see them,” she ordered. 

The sentient turned around in an instant and pulled down the hood on her tunic to reveal a young woman, not much older than Cassian. “Whoa, hey--!” 

“Who are you? What are you doing in here?”

“I’m Shara Bey and I’m unpacking my bag. I was assigned these quarters.” 

Jyn narrowed her eyes and shook her head. “Since when?”

Shara, a tall woman with brown skin and even darker hair, shrugged and exhaled in exasperation at still having a blaster pointed at her. “I dunno, this morning? Do you wanna lower your weapon or am I just supposed to live with you with a barrel perpetually in my face?”

Blinking rapidly, Jyn lowered her weapon, holstered it, and muttered an apology. “I wasn’t informed.” 

“Well, the rebellion is handling a lot right now with the influx of recruits, it’s not surprising. That’s how I ended up here anyway. Go out on a mission, come back a little late and I’m displaced and shoved into a new room. Though, I’m sure you know what that’s about…”

Jyn stared, unsure of what to make of what she had to say but Shara seemed to catch on and arched a brow.

“Well, looks like you just got here too. Are you a new recruit or did you get displaced?”

“What makes you think I’m new here?”

“I don’t see any stuff.”

Jyn shifted her weight then indicated to the top bunk. “My stuff is up there.”

“Right, so, didn’t you just…” Shara slowed down and narrowed her eyes, confused. “... get here?”

Beginning to grow frustrated with the circular misunderstanding, Jyn spread out her arms and slapped them against her thighs. “I don’t know what you’re implying. I have been staying on _that_ bunk,” she pointed to the bottom bunk, “for two and a half weeks now. I was supposed to have this room to myself so I spread out and used the top bunk to store my stuff.” 

Shara rolled her lips between her teeth, her eyelids still narrowed, but nodded. “Why didn’t you spread out?”

She shook her head and shrugged simultaneously, again confused by her line of questioning. 

“There’s a closet,” Shara pointed and Jyn looked to her right at the small wardrobe built into the wall where there were now clothes and shoes where there was once none. “And you have nothing in the foot locker,” the both looked to the white, plasteel container to the left of the door, parallel the closet. “And you have no personal effects out.”

“What, exactly, do you expect for me to have out?”

With a deep, long inhale that looked like it could initiate a yawn, Shara turned back around and grabbed a puck, turned it on, and revealed a holograph of her and a man with a goatee smiling at one another. She recognized the man though she couldn’t place the name -- they’d met in med bay after she got out of the cell and ordered to get a true exam. Shara looked a little younger and she had flowers in her hair. She realized, as Shara set it down on the built in shelf next to the bunks, that it was likely a wedding ‘graph. 

“Or, y’know, something you collect… a spare blanket you picked up from somewhere that you like better than the itchy, bantha wool they provide here,” Shara shrugged. “Listen, I’m sorry. I made a lot of assumptions today. Can we start over?”

Jyn finally blinked and looked away from the holograph on the shelf and watched as Shara approached with a toothy smile that made her whole face light up; her dark eyes shining with benevolence. The other woman was beautiful and kind, despite the fact Jyn had shoved a blaster in her face, and her voice was warm as honey, her accent almost the same as Cassian’s but Jyn couldn’t quite place the difference yet. 

“I’m Shara Bey, it’s nice to meet you. Would you like the top or bottom bunk?”

“Jyn,” she said quietly and accepted the offered hand, smiling back -- though more timid. “Nice to meet you too. I would prefer the bottom bunk, if you don’t mind.” 

“Not at all.” Shara turned to get her bag off the bottom bunk to finish unpacking at the tiny table in the far right corner of their room and Jyn climbed up the side of their bunks to snatch her bag off the top bunk to stow underneath her bunk instead. Once her bag was disposed of, Jyn sat down on the edge of her bunk and watched Shara move about the room to unpack her belongings while still trying to make small talk with her. However, despite Jyn actually wanting to talk with her more and ask her questions of her own, her wristchrono trilled and she stood up. 

“Sorry, I have to go.” she told Shara, who paused in folding her spare blanket to watch her stand and stride over to the door. 

“Oh, okay, see you later…” she replied and Jyn offered a hurried nod before disappearing behind the doorway.

.  
.  
.

“I have a roommate,” Jyn said, taking a step back between the parallel bars that Cassian had his hands gripping, his knuckles white and elbows locked. He took a step towards her and looked up from his own feet to meet her gaze.

“Really?”

She nodded and prompted him to take another step by raising her eyebrows and flicking her chin up. “Yeah, I nearly blew her head off. Thought she was…” she puffed out a silent laugh and shook her head incredulously. “I don’t know what I thought but she’s certainly not that.” 

“You…” he finished his step and took one more, trying to bear weight on it but failed and had to catch himself. Glaring at the therapist, Cayde, a muscular, male human with curly hair and dark skin, who tried to support him from behind, Cassian asked, “You like her then?”

Cayde backed off, his left, prosthetic hand in the air and his left leg whirring with the movement of taking a step back. She offered him a subtle, apologetic look which he shrugged at and she returned her focus to Cassian. 

“I guess-- wait, did you know about her?”

“No,” Cassian replied and shook his head and they both looked down to watch him take one last step before Cayde told him it was enough and Cassian sat down in the repulsor chair that was brought up behind the backs of his knees. “You strike me as the type to get upset with new people you’re forced, unexpectedly, to interact with and you seem… okay with this roommate.” 

“I dealt with you and Kay just fine.” 

“You stole my blaster.” 

“You didn’t want me to come in the first place,” she retorted, smirking with one eyebrow arched.

He grinned and inhaled deeply before finally asking; “so, do you like her?”

Jyn shrugged and backed all the way out from behind the bars and he followed her in his chair. She walked over to the table with folded towels, icepacks, and canteens of water to get him one of each and returned to hand him each one in order. “I guess, she seems nice. Criticized me for not having any personal items,” she said and handed him the towel. 

“Why?” he asked as he dabbed at his face and neck. 

Jyn took the towel back and handed him the icepack to hold against his right shoulder. “I dunno, maybe it’s not homey enough.” She tilted her head. “Do you have ‘personal items’?”

“Not really. Can’t afford it,” he replied and shrugged iced shoulder. “I need to be able to leave anywhere at any given moment. I should be able to pack up in less than five minutes and have no one realize I had ever been there.” 

She frowned and felt her eyebrows flinch. “Even here?”

While switching his pack from his right to left shoulder, Cassian nodded and wiped his left palm on his pants. “Well, yeah…” 

There was something sad about that truth and she couldn’t determine why considering that she was in the same frame of reasoning. Her bag was packed and on the top bunk because she could grab it and go -- spreading out like Shara had in the short time she had been moved in would slow her down and she would be left with nothing if she were to go out on her own again. She had what she needed most around her neck. 

Jyn waved at Cayde, who was wiping down the bars with a cloth and he smiled and waved back just as Cassian raised his arm and waved at him as well, ice pack still in his hand. “Thanks, Cayde.” Cassian said. 

“See you later!” he replied cheerfully and they both nodded before exiting to head back to med bay.

When Cassian was done with his pack and kept moving it back and forth because it was too cold to hold or let settle on his thighs, Jyn snatched it from him and looked at a man coming from the opposite direction, down the hall. “Hey, catch,” she said and tossed it, underhanded, to the man as they passed one another, ignoring Cassian’s choked grunt of protest. 

“That’s Colonel Altzermin,” Cassian whispered harshly at her. 

Jyn checked over their shoulders and witnessed him nonchalantly hand the pack to one of three privates passing him. She smirked and shrugged. “He’s good,” she assured with a laugh as they turned down the next corridor. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Cassian lag back a moment so he could get a glimpse of a bewildered sullustan staring at the icepack in his hand while one human comrad made a passing comment and the other looked over their shoulder to check out the unruffled colonel walking away. 

“You’re ridiculous.” he commented as he caught up, a smile in his tone. 

“You’re jealous.” she countered and laughed while he huffed in amusement. 

Their relationship had gotten stronger and less tense since he was off bedrest; he was less prone to snap or glare despite still being in the chair he was convinced everyone pitied him over. This left her feeling more confident to treat him less like a finicky thermal detonator. They worked well together and if Draven could see that she was an asset, maybe he wouldn’t be blind to their dynamic as partners and would assign her to him instead of some unnamed, faceless stranger. 

Maybe, truly, this was where she belonged. No more running and no more hiding with her head down. The Empire needed to be stopped and this was just as much her fight as it was anyone else’s. It was time to do something about it and Cassian had given her the opportunity to do so by welcoming her home; when they got back she hadn’t felt the immediate need to take her shuttle and foolproof identity to start a new life like they offered. She felt like she could stay and now she wanted to. 

The med bay door hissed open and Jyn let Cassian go in first. “You have one more after dinner.” Jyn reminded him and he nodded, mute. “After you change, do you want to get outside with me?” She pulled off her jacket, it was always a little too warm in med bay, and laid it on the back of the chair she often sat in while keeping him company. 

“I have work to do,” he replied and she almost smiled when she detected a hint of regret. 

“Because it was assigned or because you feel like it,” she asked and he gave her a chiding look to which she held up her hands in surrender. “Speaking of work, though, uhm… Draven approached me. He wants to put me with Solo for a trial run on whether I would be fit for freelance work for the Rebellion, like Solo and Chewie do,” she said and moved to play with the breathing toy on the table beside his bed.

She rattled the ball inside it’s tube and resisted the urge to blow into the cup to see if she would pass the test but when fifteen seconds passed and Cassian still hadn’t replied, she set the toy down and looked at him. 

“What?”

“Did you take it?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Take what? The job? I dunno, I’m thinking about it. Skywalker signed up already, joined the rebellion, but it seems like Han is ready to split any second which likely isn’t such a bad idea considering the Empire knows where we are; they might be licking their wounds but how long will it really take for them to mobilize now that the Emperor has dissolved the Senate? We’re barely--” 

A dark look crossed Cassian’s features and she closed her lips tightly together, pausing. She studied his expression but he turned away from her to prepare to move from his chair to the bed to prop his legs up. As he made the transition, his elbow buckled and he nearly fell. 

Jyn rushed forward to help but he caught himself and pointed at her menacingly to stay back. “I got it.” 

“Okay, I know. I just--”

“I don’t need you to! Just back off.” 

She blinked and turned her head a little, regarding him with a side-glance, but he ignored her and moved to lean back against his pillows without meeting her gaze. “What is your problem?” she asked, indignant. 

“You wanna leave, Jyn? Then leave. No one’s asking you to stay,” he growled and looked at her aggressively, like an abused creature; helpless in his bed but angry, hurt, ready to strike if approached. Then again, Cassian likely knew fifty ways to kill someone from the prone position with nothing more than a stylus and his hands. He was far from helpless. 

Something sharp and cold pierced her heart but she pursed her lips, arching a brow at him, and spat, “fine” before she turned on her heel. She winced when she pivoted on her left leg, but didn’t hesitate or hiss, and started to storm out. 

Then, “Jyn,” he called her back. 

She stopped, looked over her shoulder, and waited for him. 

“Don’t forget your jacket,” he said, a challenge in his gaze.

The outrage she felt made the sharp ice melt from her heart in an instant and instead heated her to the point her cheeks were undeniably red. She puffed out her cheeks as she huffed and stomped back up to the chair, next to his bed, and snatched her jacket off the back with a distinct whip of the fabric. Then, with her heart pounding in her chest, she stomped back out without looking back. 

Jyn didn’t have the presence of mind to argue that he had asked her to stay. Multiple times. 

She didn’t know what hurt more, that he was making the assumption that she was going to leave or that he was pushing her to do so now. The situation wasn’t hard to read and she knew what he was doing but the fact he thought it was true hurt-- she sidestepped a medic coming through with an engineer, on a hover gurney, whose hands were red and glistening, held above her shuddering chest. They passed by, the woman letting out small, trapped sounds of distress while staring at her own burned hands and Jyn winced in sympathy before continuing down the hall; unsure if she was going back to her, now shared, room or to get outside. Considering the ache in her knee from her petulant stomping earlier, she decided on the former. 

Maybe, she thought, he meant the words after all. Maybe he thought she couldn’t be trusted to be dedicated to a cause. 

It felt wrong to make the assumption; unfair to both of them to let there be miscommunication that could alter the dynamic they had when they were both capable of expressing their expectations but she was still too upset to return now. Especially if he was just going to be petty some more. Still, it left her to wonder if staying wasn’t the best option. She wanted to be a force for good, to do something with her life and make the galaxy a better place but if the rebellion wasn’t the place for her to do that, so be it. She could still help in other ways. 

Until she had gotten caught, staying under the radar was something she was good at. It was something she could use to her advantage and maybe help the rebellion without actually being with them. It would mean she would have to keep moving though, like she did before; climbing mountains, hiding in shadows, dancing some nights away at cantinas. She’d forgotten her own name on Corellia once while dancing with a woman she never knew the real name of nor ever saw again. She fell in love on Skhul and fell apart the night she watched as a ship, carrying that love, turned to stardust in atmo’. 

Leaving to go on her own meant she would have the freedom to go to Lah’mu. Her old home still called to her, asking her through the Force to trace her roots and reconcile her past with the present; find closure. 

Yet the Rebellion was begging for her to stay. 

She had run from it after Saw left her behind but a piece of her always belonged with it, with them, and Cassian had reignited the dying flame of resistance and sense of right. If she stayed, if she became a _true_ rebel, maybe, it could be a place to be at home. She was tired of running, tired of staying under the radar while jumping planet to planet, never keeping any real company. 

The door hissed open and Jyn found herself limping into her room. Shara was gone but what was left behind was a sweet, flower scent - clean and fresh - a small blanket covered the small couch beside the foot locker bringing a splash of green and blues to the otherwise gray room, and five holographs lined up on the shelf. A small collection of memories.

And, suddenly, she wanted to know what it was like to have holographs on a shelf. 

Jyn looked to her bunk and inhaled deeply, thinking how nice it was to know the bed she was to lie in; to have one to herself let alone sleep in the same one for more than a night. The room looked like somewhere to live, not just occupy. The longing grew; she wanted a reason to stay and for someone to miss her when she’s gone. For them to _want_ her to come back. 

She wanted a _home_ , a family, and this could be it. Not just because of some desire to help Cassian get back on his feet, even though he deserved to have the support after all he sacrificed and for all he did to support _her_. Not just because she had no other plan. It was because she wanted to earn a place in the galaxy and fight for it; because she deserved to have a home after all the ones she had before were taken from her.
    
    
    Her parents. 
    
    		Saw.
    
    			Even the Pontas. 

This was her home, her family, and even if the evacuation was slow and the Empire would be coming for their revenge for exploiting her father’s weakness, she would stay and defend it because she wasn’t leaving and she refused to let it be taken away from her again. Not even Cassian could push her away now.

.  
.  
.

Jyn walked into the therapy room infuriatingly nervous: how dare Cassian make her self conscious about where they stood? Still, she had a plan. If he got uptight again at seeing her there, she could leave again; if he was going to be bitter and stand-offish, that was fine by her. It wasn’t, not really, but it was a big base with a lot of people, she could avoid him easily. However, if he seemed to tolerate her being there then she’d stay to his comfort level. She had not missed one session since he began his therapy and, even if they were fighting, it felt wrong not to be there. Learning to walk again was not an easy task and she didn’t want him to go through it alone.

The door opened and it looked like he was just starting to scoot to the front of his chair, the harness around on him -- something he hated -- while the therapist, Cayde, stood nearby to assist when needed. It still smelled of sterilization to mask the smell of sweat in the room and it seemed, sometimes, that would only add to the agitation. With how it made her nose tickle, it had to tickle Cassian or any other patient’s nose too. Both of them looked to her when the hissing gave away her entry and she offered a tight smile in greeting, her eyes fixed on Cassian to catch his reaction to her presence. 

When she saw his relief her shoulders relaxed and she stepped further in, the door finally closing behind her. He watched her come over, his dark eyes on hers, but was otherwise frozen at the edge of his chair. As soon as she was close enough, her toes nearly touching his, she looked down at him and her tight, unsure smile broadened into something confident and a little smug. 

“Sorry, I’m late,” she said, her tone anything but apologetic. 

Cassian licked his lips and his eyes flicked down to her lips briefly before lifting back to her eyes as she leaned closer. Their proximity and her height on him, while he was sitting, had his long lashes nearly touching his eyebrows and it was the second most beautiful he had ever been in her time of knowing him. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, genuine.

She inhaled through her nose and blinked slowly, soaking in the words and his warm tone. “You can’t scare me away that easily, Cassian Andor,” she told him quietly, her nose inches from his now but he didn’t flinch, just held her gaze as a somber smile finally pulled at the corners of his mouth and his lips parted to exhale sharply. 

“Good,” he replied. 

Satisfied, she backed away to give him room to stand, which he did on his own. Certain Cayde was ready, Jyn bent at the waist to duck under the parallel bars and then straightened as Cayde helped Cassian shuffle to get between them at the ends. Once able to hold onto the bars himself, Cayde released him and Jyn took a step closer while Cassian straightened his arms and began the grueling work of bearing his weight on his legs while he walked. 

When Cassian seemed stuck, his gaze on his feet as he let out a grunt of frustration, Jyn ducked her head and called his name. “Look at me, Cassian,” when he did, she smiled. “Take a second to answer me honestly.” 

“Uhm, I dunno if this is the best time…” Cayde interjected but both she and Cassian ignored him; though not with malice. She arched a brow and Cassian nodded, assenting. 

“Do you want me to partner with Han?”

He clenched his jaw and he half blinked. “No.” 

“Then you need to walk towards me. The faster you’re back on your feet, the sooner you can be my handler instead.”

Cassian narrowed his eyes at her, inquisitive. Another, small smile moved his lips but his eyes lit up and warmth spread all throughout her body. Then, without further prompting he started to take steps, two right after one another, and she smiled brightly. He paused for a moment then took another but the one after that had his knee buckling and his elbows bent. This time when Jyn reached for him, he let her touch him and Cayde let them handle it until Cassian was upright again while he got the chair back between the bars and behind Cassian’s knees. It wasn’t until Jyn lifted her head again that she realized Cassian was staring at her, his eyes darker than usual, his expression soft. 

While they waited for Cayde to arrive, Jyn kept her hands against Cassian’s abdomen, her nose precariously close to his. His gaze kept flicking to her lips and Jyn couldn’t help but lick them subconsciously. He mirrored her and it was every ounce of self control not to close the distance right then and there. 

He sat down with a bump to the back of his knees by Cayde and Jyn shifted to hold his forearms until he was seated and could scoot back on his own. Then Cayde pulled him back and Jyn ducked out from under the bar again and followed to the back corner where Cassian had his usual, end of day sitting exercises where, for the most part, she sat and kept him company. Today, she sat closer than normal and Cassian smiled back at her when she did so herself and, somehow, it seemed he understood what she had already decided in the privacy of her own room. He had the tendency to do that, read her mind, and it should scare her but instead it made her feel seen and content. Comfortable. 

At home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those still coming back to read and leave such thoughtful comments, you are loved and appreciated. I hope you continue to enjoy and continue to let me know what you think; I love hearing from you guys.
> 
> Stay safe and I'll see you on Monday


	8. TWILIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you to @benthelastskywalker for reading over this chapter to make sure the flow was okay! And to @incognitajones for reviewing to make sure I didn’t make any of the same mistakes!
> 
> The link is just background music for the first half of this chapter. No lyrics or anything so it shouldn’t be too distracting. I listened to it while writing the first scene. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZYzuIGDYGs
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Today was the first day in two weeks that they not only had good weather but a good day to be outside. It had rained for four days and for three days after that the valley was muddy, almost swampy, and they couldn’t walk without their boots sinking into the muck. Today was bright and warm, the ground hard but not dusty. The mountains that surrounded them were painting-worthy with how they were nothing more than jagged dark blue and purple shadows that rose and fell on the horizon at the end of green fields dappled with red, violet, orange, and some azure along the far edges to right and left. 

There were small trees scattered in patches, some standing alone, but the biggest and fullest of them all was mere meters from the station -- their home -- and they often hiked to it for an afternoon in the warm sun. She missed it during the winter months but it was a beautiful landmark when the ice made it sparkle and the snow blanketed the very tips. Now, though, at the height of summer it was covered in dark green and cast a massive, cool shadow in the afternoon, perfect for relaxing while surrounded by the sweet scent of flowers and fresh grass. 

She glanced at it now and smiled to herself as she exhaled slowly through her nose; maybe she would suggest they eat lunch out under the tree today. 

Jyn turned back to her duty, swinging the pail up on the last fence post for easier access before dipping her hand in then back out to toss the feed out for the chickens. While they made their sounds of happiness and excitement, scurrying to be the one to collect the most of the scattered food, she shimmied out of the coop through the wooden gate. She was about to check on the goats, but the newest one -- born days ago -- came up to the front and bleated, keeping her from opening the gate in fear of knocking him over. 

“Hi there, Bachus,” she greeted and reached over the fence, the wood pressing just under her breasts, so she could pat his side gently. The baby, still wobbly on new legs, bleated again and leaned into her hand to get the most of her gentle scratches. Just as she was nudging him aside carefully, so she could open the gate, she heard the first few notes of a song played on a familiar, handmade hallikset. 

She lifted her head and Bachus followed her gaze to where they could hear the music coming from. Then she walked around the pen, forgoing her goat check for now, to walk around the front of the house to where Cassian sat in the grass just a few paces from the house, the hallikset balanced in his lap while he held the stem up in his left hand. It was a beautiful song and one of many he practiced regularly. The instrument was the only thing he requested be provided when they left a year ago, claiming that there would be nothing better to do while stuck there, and the memory made her laugh now. He had hated the idea of coming to the station and now he was happier every day, he had his melancholic days, but she learned long ago that she wouldn’t be able to fix those days; only support him through them and give him space when he needed it. 

Tucking her hair behind her ear, having not pulled it up that morning, Jyn walked through the grass that came up to the top of her foot and sat down beside Cassian. With her legs crossed, she was able to sit close to him, where her ankles crossed nearly flush with his right buttocks, and she stared at his profile, while he played the stringed instrument with his eyes closed. She knew he knew she was there and she was content to just listen while he bared his heart and soul through each note. Whenever he played, she could follow the narrative he told; the darkness that lingered, the sadness, but the hope that came and carried him through his days. Now, with her. As the song continued, Jyn kept her hands tucked in the diamond shape created by her legs, and let the warm sun warm her back and hair, the breeze that rustled the grass around them and wafted the sweet smell of fresh - untouched earth - towards them; animating the journey that Cassian’s song took them on. 

As always, the song ended with hope - determination - a ballad of strength and renewal and Jyn finally opened her eyes, not realizing she had shut them, to see Cassian was already looking at her. 

“Hi,” he greeted. 

“Hey.” She tilted her head in a silent question to which he nodded and blinked, slowly, giving his consent. Jyn reached out and touched the back of his head, petting his soft strands down until she reached the ends and she twirled them between her fingers before leaning closer and resting her chin against his bicep, still looking up at him. “I love that one.” 

He smiled and turned his head and dipped his shoulder to kiss her forehead. 

“Are you okay?” she asked softly and moved her left hand from his hair to rub his back, between his shoulder blades. 

“Yeah.” Cassian nodded and exhaled slowly through his nose. 

She poked his thigh with her right index finger and pressed her lower lip up into her upper lip, wrinkling her chin against his shirt in the process. 

“Sometimes,” he conceded and sighed again. “This seems… better than I deserve.” 

Jyn waited, resting more of her weight against his arm, still studying his profile as he looked out over the breathtaking view they had. He saw the beauty of the land but she was focused on his beauty; the fine lines, barely there at all, around the corners of his eyes, the harsher lines around his mouth, evidence of his worrisome demeanor. Her smile grew imperceptibly as she focused on the stubble so perfect for his sharp jawline and the memory that came with seeing him clean shaven for the first time; she’d laughed but instantly tried to smother the sudden outburst of noise by slapping both hands over her mouth and he’d just smiled and rolled his eyes before telling her the story of a nickname he had when going through the imperial academy to begin his undercover career. Baby face. It was still applicable now, despite the premature aging due to his stressful, exhausting career as a child-soldier, because even after a year and a half of knowing Cassian, even going on thirty, he didn’t look a day older than the day she met him. 

Unless he did what he was doing now; his eyebrows pinched together, wrinkling his forehead, and eyes narrowed to make those imperceptible lines around his eyes more defined. 

It was a thoughtful look but there was a sorrow there -- maybe more contemplative than anything -- and she worried it was a wistful train of thought he was following. She needed to get him off the tracks. Jyn would do anything to keep him from falling into the depressive state she knew he was prone to. 

So, she kissed his shoulder to encourage him and rested her right hand on his thigh while she waited.

“I’m here, why, because I injured myself and despite the therapy provided I couldn’t… I wasn’t good enough to go back. So, I get sent to a house in a field of flowers to live in peace with the only work to do is transmit messages and the occasional consulting?” He finally looked at her and she lifted her chin off his bicep to meet his gaze properly when he added, “with you.” 

The rebellion finally did something to support Cassian and give something back to him and he felt unworthy. Or, maybe, too paranoid to accept it as it was rather than a trap or punishment. A reward for something he doesn't feel he deserves.

“And that’s-? Cassian, you’re saying you deserve… _less_ than this?” she asked, already knowing the answer. They had been down this road before; Cassian’s lack of self-worth and the, sometimes crippling, self-hate. Ever since the events from Eadu, his first time disobeying orders and their subsequent argument, his decision to go to Scarif with her, and their return as the only two survivors of the original Rogue One. Ever since he was forced to _stop_ working, Cassian felt the weight of his previous decisions with such intensity it nearly destroyed him. 

A near constant poignance, filled with hurt and guilt, that she knew she couldn’t absolve. Suddenly, she was grateful to have listened to the pre-recordings sent by Cassian’s therapist, self-help recommendations sent in the absence of actually speaking to someone. Progress made together as individuals and as a couple. She knew his fears but more than that she knew now how to help him face them as he did for her so often by speaking gentle words of affirmation every morning or when she was feeling low herself. 

“You deserve good things in your life,” she said. “You’ve had to do things no one should ever have to do in their lifetime. You had to make choices that no one else could make, _should have_ to make. You’ve sacrificed everything for the sake of the rebellion - for the sake of vengeance for those you were forced to lose. And you did it all with the hope that losing a few would save millions in the long run.” Jyn rested her right palm against his cheek, stroking his cheekbone with the pad of her thumb. 

He closed his eyes and dipped his chin, hiding from her. 

Jyn kept her hand on his face, gently guiding him up to look at her again, coaxing his eyes open with a brush of her thumb under his left eye and smiling when dark eyes met hers. 

“You see yourself, Cassian, as cold… a weapon to be used by the rebellion’s hand… a killer,” she said and he flinched, averting his gaze again but not moving away nor closing his eyes. His hallikset now laid on the grass by his leg while his hands stayed in fists against each of his thighs. 

“But that’s not who you are. I believe you're a good man. Maybe you haven't done all good things but that doesn't make you any less a hero. You’ve said it yourself: you’ve done things for the sake of the rebellion and the rebellion is more than an opposing force against the empire. _They_ stand for oppression, control, and- and hatred. The rebellion, what you fought for, is freedom and _love_ ,” she said, her voice cracking around the word. “That’s what you fought for, the things you’ve done, good and the bad, that’s what it was for--”

“Jyn,” he interrupted and shook his head adamantly, his eyes wet. “That…” he sighed and hung his head so she grabbed his fists and worked them open to insert her hands inside. She pressed her palms into his then wrapped her fingers around his wrists, squeezing gently. After a few seconds, he returned the gesture, holding onto her for dear life. 

“And you can go back, Cass, when you're healed, but now you have an opportunity to have what you’ve given _so many_ others... at least for a little while. You gave people hope and you've carved out places where they can find peace and feel safe. You should get to have it too, see for yourself what the rewards are for your sacrifices. 

"Out here," she continued and smiled. "you can be away from those hard decisions and those people you had to surround yourself with in the field. Out here you can be _you_ without consequences of being exposed or feeling too vulnerable; you can be free. Out here you can have peace and love. You have love, Cassian. _I love you_.” 

“Jyn,” he whispered and a tear escaped full eyelids. In hopes of comforting and promising things she wasn’t articulate enough to say, she kissed his bottom lip gingerly. 

“You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You are strong and compassionate. You are brave and you are selfless. You love so deeply and _care_ so - Force, Cass - immensely. I know it must have been exhausting in what you had to do all your life. And -- for all that, Cassian -- you are the most incredible man I’ve ever known and _you_. Deserve. Good things.” she finished emphatically. She looked around the place they called home for the past year, the same land he had looked at just a minute ago, wondering why he deserved this life. This place of peace and comfort. “You deserve this.” 

Cassian uttered her name in a short burst of murmured Festian words she didn’t quite catch then he freed his hands from hers and pressed both of his palms against her waist, guiding her to lift from her seat in the grass to straddle his hips. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around his neck, her hands in his hair, and brought their foreheads together as they breathed. 

“I love you,” he echoed and she smiled into the kiss that followed. He never said, i love you too because, he had told her, it felt like an afterthought. Like his admission didn’t bear the same weight, even though she knew his love was just as profound for her as hers was for him. 

“I know,” she replied because he needed the affirmation; because they both did. “I know.” 

She pressed her weight against him and he went willingly, laying in the grass with her on top of him, kissing him passionately. Her hair fell from behind her shoulders and curtained them off from the rest of the world. Just the two of them in a little bubble of happiness and love. 

The sun shining down on them even as she leaned back to remove her shirt while his eyes remained on her, traveling from her eyes to her lips and finally to her chest. His smile was bright as the sun, revealing dimples that only appeared in moments of true happiness…

She smiled back as warmth spread through her body from sunlight or his touch, his love, she didn’t know…

His shirt disappeared and she dragged her finger tips down the curves of his lean chest…

Cassian’s hands moved, chills chasing after him, and she arched into his touch…

Bliss rolled through her as she moved against him and kissed his neck…

The ecstasy when they finished made her see stars in a blue sky…

With him she felt complete, whole, absolute; she belonged…

“Cassian…” she breathed, trembling with pleasure…

“Jyn… my love…” he whispered back. “My Jyn…” 

She held him, caressing his face and hair…

The stars faded from blue…

The sun remained…

Warmth…

“Jyn…” 

Anguish rolled through her and she let out a choked scream. Tormented by excruciating grief that threatened to devour her, Jyn tensed against the pain of her loss; curled into the fetal position on her side of the bed. The memory played like a holodrama on a screen and all she could do was watch as it burned at the edges, fading to black to be replaced by the loss of her love. The warmth she felt that day, and every day with Cassian, replaced with a cold that couldn’t be cured with blankets or heat. 

Jyn curled tighter into herself as she sobbed, unbridled, into the darkness of their bedroom as she pressed against her abdomen with one hand and against her sternum with the heel of her other palm. As though it could quell the sharp, twisting pain in her heart or the sickening ache in her stomach. As though she could stop the agony. 

She dry heaved amidst an uneven sob and started to cough after the choked hiccup it caused; her flat palms turning into fists against her imaginary pressure points. 

Outside the unilluminated room, the night sky was further darkened by black clouds, blocking out the moon, and gales rattled the windows. She could hear the howling of the winds, the rain coming down in sheets, making her shiver where she lay even though the room, the bed, itself was warm. It was a month since his death and their bed no longer smelled of them let alone _him_ \-- the expanse was too wide. Alone and abandoned, the darkness closed in again. Distantly, she heard the hinges of the trap door, Saw’s receding footsteps, and now Cassian’s last words to her before he left; a lie.

_“I’ll be back before you know it.”_

Echos, like revenants, haunted her. Taunting her. Another scream bubbled up in her throat, further hurting from the lump lodged there. All she could do was bawl, as she had every day for the last four days, because Cassian was gone and, unlike the others who had left her when she was least expecting it, she wouldn’t have an opportunity to see them one last time. No last touch. No last goodbye.

.  
.  
.

The next morning, Jyn’s eyes still felt swollen and achy from crying all night, but she got out of bed if only to get some water and check on the livestock after the storm. She guzzled down a glass and a half of water but quickly moved onto a cup of caf with her usual half rum. Then she went outside in her work boots, knowing the valley would be almost swampy with rain water. The smell of ‘just after rain’ and fresh mud hit her like walking into a wall but she brought her mug up to her nose and inhaled deeply before stepping off the porch and onto the gravel path that led straight out into the empty field or veered to the right, towards the livestock pens.

The goats were already playing in the mud, Bachus, who was still a baby at only a half year old but he was sure footed now and playful, pranced through a puddle while his mom watched from under the shelter built in the middle of the pen. If it was placed any closer to the fence, they would use it to vault over and escape. Not that there was anywhere to go but back home if they wanted proper food and water. 

She greeted the goats with pets to their heads, doing a count while she did to make sure they were all accounted for and healthy. 

Then she went to the chicken coop and did a head count as well. Everyone was fine, no one missing. 

Satisfied and as content as she could be with the chasm still in her chest, Jyn turned to look at the state of the valley only to first notice that the massive tree she and Cassian loved so much was split down the middle. Black scorch marks spread from the cooling embers of the center and outward like cruel, life-choking vines but in the center it still looked like molten lava, red and glowing like the dying embers of a fire as white ash floated up like reverse snow. She felt something die inside of her. Whatever part of her soul that remained after Cassian had died, withered away into nothingness. Even as tears spilled down her face, her eyes itching, the pain faded until the emptiness consumed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember: Happy ending.


	9. 0 ABY

“Let’s go,” Jyn barked at Han as she boarded _The Falcon_ and he startled from where he was working on one of the opened panels in the main entrance, a cup of caf by his foot that he nearly knocked over when he turned to look at her. 

“ _Kriff_ ,” he exclaimed in a harsh whisper then glared between the mug and her for a moment before returning to his project of splicing wires together. “Sure, I’ll get right on that, kid.” 

Jyn ignored his sarcastic tone and kept walking, only stopping at the galley to drop her bag on the bunk. She heard the ramp hiss, the hydraulics whirring, as it started to rise followed by the clomping steps of Han’s boots as he followed behind her but she didn’t turn to watch him approach. 

“What’s the problem?” he asked, witnessing her forcefully throw her bag on the mattress and turn to grab a cup of caf herself. Just as she reached for it, she burned her finger on the heated side and she nearly knocked it over as she jolted, cursing profusely. 

“Nothing,” she bit out and decided against caf, sucking on her offended finger instead.

Han exhaled sharply between barely parted lips, making a _pffft_ sound. “What, you get in a tiff with your boyfriend?” he scoffed.

She popped her finger from her mouth and glared at him but he just stared back, arching a brow; smug but inquisitive. Then, with her lips pressed together and her lower jaw jutted out, she walked over to him, swept up a wrench that was -- unsafely -- sitting on the table, and dropped it into his mug as she walked by. The choked sound of shock and offense brought a smirk to her lips but she was still too angry about, well, everything that she couldn’t find true pleasure in the moment of triumph in wiping the cocky look off the smuggler’s face. 

Once she got to the cockpit, Jyn sat down in the seat behind Han’s chair and greeted Chewie kindly, patting his shoulder. He acknowledged her with a soft sound only for Han to come stomping in right behind her. 

“That was rude, kid,” he said curtly before sitting down heavily. Chewie inquired and he explained what happened churlishly only for Chewie to snicker and respond sarcastically. “Wha- that's not my fault! Whatever. Shut up, both of you.”

Chewie looked over his shoulder at Jyn and he shrugged to which she smiled appreciatively. He ended up asking her if she was okay and it was her time to shrug. 

Truthfully, she didn’t know how the fight started but it ended with Cassian asking her a very loaded question, “ _haven’t you done enough?_ ” His expression had been cold and Jyn knew it was not a question of her validity as a rebel, as someone putting in effort to make a difference, but rather an accusation. The pain that insinuation caused triggered her to leave without another word. 

The problem with her rash decision was, Draven wasn’t so keen on the idea of Cassian being her handler, during or after his recovery and she was still assigned to Han. They went on a quick, first mission two days ago and Jyn had been gone and back again in between Cassian’s third and last session of therapy, not missing anything. He had seemed supportive of it and listened to her enthusiastically explain their achievement; it felt silly, it wasn’t her first mission but it was her first authorized one as an unofficial member of the rebellion. A day later and they were back to arguing and Jyn was beginning to think there would never be a time where they wouldn’t argue. What she couldn’t determine was whether it was because they were too similar or too different. She had gone to visit him in between sessions so she could tell him she was leaving again and--

She never had. 

He wasn’t her handler or even her partner yet, so he wouldn’t know when she had a mission unless she told him. Although she had intended to do just that, their conversation had digressed quickly and she’d left too soon and too angrily to remember. Which meant she just left for a mission without telling him she was leaving. 

Jyn walked face first into a wall of panic and didn’t bother to duck. Surely her mistake wouldn’t help their fickle relationship. Instantly, she regretted walking out. Jyn closed her eyes and dropped her head, her chin nearly touching her chest as she listened to Han, who had begun speaking at some point. 

“Can we just get this over with, please,” she interrupted and Han checked over his shoulder to regard her with narrowed eyes but, mercifully, remained silent.

The mission was not so kind. 

Though she had been hoping for a mission as quick as the first, they weren’t so lucky this time. When she realized what she had done, she had asked Han to send a transmission back home, intended for Cassian, but he refused -- reminding her they couldn’t risk something being intercepted and confirming the Rebellion still being on Yavin IV. The evacuation had only just begun and the Empire didn’t need to know that. 

“Since when do you follow protocol?”

“Uh, since it was my ship that Vader tracked here in the first place.” 

Chewie yowled and Jyn snickered. 

“Or, y’know, a certain princess would yell at ya some more.” 

He turned to glare at both her and Chewie, sticking a menacing finger in their faces. “I don’t like this. This… buddy relationship you two have with… with--”

“Putting you in your place? Making fun of you?”

Her taunting didn’t help her case, not that he would have buckled anyway since she had refused to explain why it was important lest she give away the fact that she and Cassian had fought and she had, essentially, left without warning. Without saying goodbye. She would be giving him more ammunition and it would further his reason for calling Cassian her boyfriend; she would never hear the end of it. And, since Cassian was already mad at her, she didn’t need to add more fuel to the fire by getting Han involved. 

So, instead, she tried to get Han to hurry up. The sooner she got back the easier it would be to spin the situation. 

It almost worked until they tried to leave port and it all went wrong; the port fell under attack by some partisans trying to slow down imperial shipments but it locked the whole port down and they couldn’t leave until security cleared it. Once they were in the air, Jyn was hopeful that the five hour flight back would go quickly but then they ran into an imperial checkpoint just outside atmo’ and she held onto the bottom of her seat while Han and Chewie outmaneuvered TIE fighters only for the hyperdrive to give out. Again. They spent a day fixing it in deep space. 

_The Falcon_ landed -- two and a half days after they had left -- they debriefed, and Han went off to pester Leia or, maybe, Luke while Chewie started on the rest of the repairs for their damaged junk. Meanwhile, Jyn started the uncomfortable journey to find Cassian. After checking Med Bay, the therapy center, the rec room, and mess she finally decided to check his room. If he was discharged he would likely be there. She knocked, her heart thundering, and he inquired through the thick door who was knocking. 

He sounded far away so he likely didn’t want to put in the effort of rising to open it. Keeping to the assumption, she leaned close and announced herself. 

There was a long pause that made her heart clench but eventually he replied, “come in”. 

Jyn hit the keypad and, although she was nervous and likely would have entered slowly while peeking in through a barely opened door, the base didn’t allow for such subtleties and it rose from the ground in a rapid blur of motion; leaving her to stand in the center of the doorway awkwardly. Exposed. With her shoulders tense and raised almost to her jaw, Jyn entered and inhaled deeply. 

The room smelled of him and it was almost enough to relax her completely. She’d never been inside his room before and if she had she might have found more reasons to be inside, if not for the familiar and calming scent it would have been for the space; as an officer it wasn’t a shared room, he had one double-sized bed and his own ‘fresher attached. However, aside from the softer looking blanket -- which did not look standard issue with the deep blue color and geometrical pattern of gray squares -- the room was as impersonal as they had talked about before, how hers used to be. Everything was clean and not a thing seemed to be out of place or crooked. It was all so _Cassian_ it almost made her smile

Yet, the abandoned repulsor chair in the corner and Cassian’s grim expression as he looked at her from next to a table in the far right corner, to the left of the refresher door, kept her from feeling anything short of nervous. He was standing but he didn’t look too pained or lopsided, so her first question had to be: “what did Cayde say?”

“He discharged me. I have another eight weeks of regular therapy to work out the…” he sighed, “the limp. But that will be with intermittent bacta treatments… then I should be clear for active duty.” 

“That’s good,” she replied, keeping her tone light; she had missed his last three days. Missed witnessing the moment he was discharged. The moment of triumph. 

He nodded and she resisted rolling her eyes. 

“Are we going to talk about this?”

“Talk about what,” Cassian asked gruffly, turning to look down at whatever docs he was reading. 

“Force, Cassian, don’t be such a child. I’m trying to have a conversation about this!”

“What is there to talk about, Jyn?” He turned around rather quickly, impressively not losing his balance. “You knew you were leaving and you didn’t bother to tell me, you just left. _I’m_ the child? You’re the one who left without saying anything because of a _temper tantrum_.” 

She stepped further in and placed a hand on her chest as she bent at the waist, glaring at him. “ _I_ came in here to tell you that I was leaving again. _You_ were having a bad day so I stopped to talk about you first and then the next thing I know you’re… karking... _yelling_ at me!” She waved her arms around as she spoke. “And, yes, I got upset and I left without thinking. I left without thinking because the mission was only supposed to be a few hours and it got extended due to… complications.” 

Cassian arched an inquisitive brow but didn’t ask. 

They stood there staring at one another, waiting for the other to crack and utter the first apology but neither were prepared to do so. 

“Can you at least tell me, now, why you got so angry?”

He sighed and sat down in the chair at the small, two person table. “I don’t know Jyn. It was a bad day and you…” he shook his head and stared resolutely at the table at some invisible mark only he could see. 

“I what, Cassian?”

“You were acting like you _know_ me.” 

Jyn blinked rapidly and took another step forward, her arms crossed as she pinched her expression. “Am I not supposed to--”

“No, you _don’t_. It’s not a matter of whether or not you _can_. You _don’t_ know me.” When he realized she wasn’t going to urge him to continue, he continued by himself. “The things I’ve done, the person that I am, is… is not someone you would want to be friends with. Partners with. You don’t know what goes on in my head, how I think… I’m not this _good_ person you like to act like I am. As if I deserve anything less than the pain and trouble I’ve been facing.”

She stared at him and he narrowed his eyes. 

“What?” he asked peevishly. 

The truth was, despite her own thoughts: _‘then tell me!’_ she knew that it wasn’t what he needed. She knew, just based on what he had just said that he wasn’t ready to talk about it, to her or to anyone else for that matter. Despite her confidence on what it was that Cassian needed most, not everyone was ready for therapy or, maybe, had the access. She knew it would be a privilege that not many people got but it was also a big step and people like Cassian, she knew, _needed_ it. With everything she knew about him already and what little detail she knew of his past, his mental health should be a priority to the rebellion. 

He’d given so much and since he was six years old. She couldn’t fathom the losses he suffered let alone the sacrifices he made; not only in items or other people but in himself, parts of him he could never get back and futures that may never be. 

Growing up with Saw was one thing but, now she knew, he did a lot to make sure she was ready and protected from those who might want to use her; maybe some of his decisions and actions were selfish in nature but she may never know how much of what he did was for her benefit. The Rebellion, Jyn figured, wasn’t so thoughtful. 

They provided physical therapy but, frankly, that meant they wanted their soldiers fit, at their best, but did that extend to the mental health of their people? Or were they all expendable once they could no longer be thrust in front of danger? Being alone for five years -- apart from Saw and his followers -- living with the Pontas, even the brief hours spent with Chirrut, Baze, and Bodhi leading up to their departure to Scarif had taught her that there was more to a person than their abilities. More to health than the body. She’d seen it before, partisans left behind because they could no longer fight. What became of them she had only found out in rumors that were never consistent. Likely never true. 

She couldn’t bear to watch that happen to Cassian; couldn't watch him be left behind and discarded, not now and not years down the line. 

Instead of responding to his anger with a retort, reacting to his deflections, Jyn pressed her lips together and lifted her hand to touch the backs of her fingers to his temple. She stroked back into his hair with a slow, gentle, movement. Soothing the angst and restlessness and de-escalating the fight that neither of them wanted to have. 

"I know it's not easy,” she started, her voice quiet, as she repeated the motion when it deflated his tense shoulders and his gaze softened. “To have those memories… those thoughts. But one day I hope you'll trust me enough to talk to me about it--”

He opened his mouth, a sound clicking in his throat in protest but she just smiled and shook her head.

“Take your time,” she insisted, “it's _okay_ that you don't trust me right away, Cassian, because it’s not about me. It’s about you; about you feeling safe. And as long as you'll let me, I'll stay with you. And when you’re ready, I’ll listen.” Finally she dropped her hand away from his face after a few passes with tiny ministrations, and leaned forward, her arms resting on the table. “I'm not so easily scared away.”

Cassian exhaled sharply, laughing at her reminder, and nodded a bit. After another moment, Cassian’s gaze still down, Jyn thought it was time she excused himself but just as she shifted her feet, boots scuffing against the stone floor, Cassian shifted his left hand to cover her right one. Warm and heavy but not gripping; a solid presence without being restricting -- the very definition of Cassian. The gesture brought a small smile to her face and she settled in her seat as Cassian spoke.

“I thought you had _left_.” 

She shook her head and turned her hand in his, squeezing his palm gently. A silent response: _no, never. Not like that_.

Finally, nervously, he lifted his gaze and met hers. They both smiled and he squeezed her hand back.

.  
.  
.

“So,” Jyn held up her hand, palm out to the doctor, with her elbow tucked against her ribs. The doctor, one she saw most often around base, a woman with gray hair and two white streaks framing her face, paused her explanation and waited patiently for Jyn to express her concern despite the blantant interruption. The doctor was tiny in stature but by no means frail and you did well not to talk back.

“I’m sorry,” she continued, “just… I’m having a hard time understanding this, Doctor Myraah, you're saying Cassian doesn't _want_ to get better and that’s why he's not seeing improvement?" Although her tone was incredulous, she knew her expression was a far cry for it and she was likely mirroring the offended, accusatory one Cassian was flashing the doctor. 

“It’s a possibility-” Doctor Myraah began but Cassian stood up abruptly, almost menacingly, and she quieted but did not look put off. 

Jyn placed a hand on his forearm to settle him and he sat back down on the edge of the bed, next to where Jyn was standing with one arm wrapped around her waist and the other still resting on his arm. “Please continue,” she said quietly and Cassian looked ready to spit, his lips screwed together and cheeks sucked in while he sucked on his tongue. 

"It's not uncommon, especially for field agents this tenured. I mean the odds of you even surviving this lon--" 

Jyn interrupted again, not wanting to hear what odds Cassian had beat just to live to, nearly now, twenty-seven: “Just tell us what it is.” 

"It’s a mental block." 

"It’s not." Cassian bit out, wringing his hands on the handle of his cane. 

Teresa Myraah looked at Cassian sympathetically and Jyn cringed, knowing it wouldn’t help the woman. “It’s almost an instinctive reaction. Imagine you’re standing on a pillar that crosses a chasm, you look down and your body locks up; frozen. You can’t bring yourself to move forward or backwards without significant concentration and willpower. It’s your mind’s idea of self preservation.”

“My instinctive reaction,” Cassian snarled, “is not to sit around base, day in and day out, while the rest of the Rebellion fights for the cause. It’s not _instinct_ for me to limp around all day and do nothing.” 

“Maybe not but with your level of trauma-” 

Again, Cassian tried to get up and Jyn sat him back down. This time he jerked his arm away from her touch but he still complied, if only with his nostrils flaring briefly. 

He had finished his eight weeks if therapy and he had hit a plateau with progress in improving his mobility. Now he was into his ninth week and his frustrations were worsening with more and more restlessness adding to his irritation. So, they came for answers. They came to figure out why his gait and strength wasn't improving to be within acceptable parameters for active duty and if it had something to do with his implants. Instead they were told it was not physical at all. 

"Say it is,” Jyn said, casting a sidelong glance at Cassian before settling Myraah with an inquisitive look, both arms crossed now, “a ‘mental block’... What do we do?"

Inhaling deeply through her nose, the doctor relaxed her shoulders and turned her datapad to rest against her chest, her arms in an ‘X’ to hold it in place. "I’d recommend therapy." 

"We’re doing that already," Jyn replied, pinching her face with a bewildered expression. 

"I mean counsel." 

"No,” Cassian replied instantly. 

"Cass…" Jyn tried but without any further comment, Cassian got to his feet and limped out of the room. She sighed and shared a look with the doctor before asking one last question: “do you have any recommendations?” 

“Well, we don’t have any on base but there are several that can do remote sessions with him,” she informed. “I’ll message you some suggestions.” 

Jyn inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly. “Thank you.” 

“My pleasure.” 

She left and headed down the hall, deciding to check Cassian’s room first. He’d been using his cane instead of the chair for nine weeks now. He was on light work with intelligence which helped keep his sanity but, also, seemed to be what hurt it. He had to go to physical therapy once a day - an improvement from four times a day - but that left him with more downtime than he knew what to do with. Before he would nap between sessions because he would be so fatigued and now he was hardly tired and, well, restless. 

It didn’t help that the base was still buzzing like a hive to move the evacuation along, loud and crowded. Still, he couldn’t help with that either. Somehow it was a little over two months after the defeat of the Death Star and yet it felt like a year. A long, exhausting year.

Unlike Cassian, she had missions with Han and Chewie to take her mind off things; to get out from behind gray and brown scale walls and floors. If she was stuck on base day in and day out, with nothing to do, 'restless' would be the nicest word to describe her. 

Jyn knew Cassian was struggling and now he was being told he was more than just damaged physically. 

After a swift knock on his door, she opened it and walked in to see Cassian fuming in the back of his room, sitting on the edge of his bed. She had a feeling, if he could, maybe he’d be pacing but then she remembered he was rather good at holding perfectly still. Jyn had wondered before whether he had paced like a caged kath hound when he was captured on Jedha or had he just wait patiently for an opportunity to arise when he could make his escape? Knowing, now, his affinity for brooding, she leaned to believing he could hold perfectly motionless, appearing entirely nonplussed while contemplating the hundreds of ways he could dispatch the enemy who dared interfere with his orders. 

However, it was irrelevant because, right now, he could _only_ sit still, his aching back and limp didn’t allow for productive pacing.

"She’s wrong.” he snapped without greeting or preamble, “This is not some… I don’t want to be like this forever. And I don’t want someone forcing me to talk about my past so they can dissect my feelings on it like some… some...” he trailed off without looking up at her. “Hell, a majority of what happened, what I’ve done, is classified and the rest…" he swallowed thickly, his eyebrows pinched so close together it looked painful.

"Hey, I know,” she rushed over to sit next to him, one leg tucked under her butt so she could face him, her other leg draped over her other ankle so she could just barely touch the floor with the ball of her foot. After a moment, she rested her hand over his clasped hands in his lap and finally continued, “Cassian, look at me.” She waited until he complied; “I know. No one -- _no one_ \-- is forcing you to go. Okay? You have to go when you’re ready. Not when others say so. It's… it's a big step." 

"But?" 

"No but. That's it. Truthfully, I think it would help with more than just your limp, Cass, but I don't have a say in it. I really, really don't. Just know I'll be there for you if you decide you want to. Hell, we can do it together, Cassian. Force knows I have my own trauma to sort through." 

Cassian inhaled through his nose. “So, you think it’s a good idea. For me to get therapy.” 

It felt like a trap but Jyn took the leap; “Anyone who’s had to do what they’ve done for the rebellion should probably talk to _someone_ at _some_ point. Those in the intelligence agency even more so… I mean, look at Draven. He’s probably in desperate need of therapy. Might help get rid of that constipated expression he always wears. Sure he’ll be crankier than usual; it’ll get worse before it gets better but… maybe he’d look like a normal, human, male again some day. Artoo is more expressive than he is.” 

They laughed and Jyn smiled before shifting on the bed to sit closer to him, their thighs pressed together, their knees pointed at the door. Then, after they had been quiet for a time, Jyn playfully nudged her shoulder against his arm. 

“Think about it?”

He nodded solemnly and nudged her back -- her smile grew.

.  
.  
.

Han dropped them out of hyperspace and asked Chewie to bring them into orbit over Yavin IV, then he unstrapped from his own seat and pivoted on the ball of his right foot to crouch in front of Jyn who was sitting in the chair behind his. She was sitting with her chin to her chest and her eyes were closed. “Kark, Erso, no. Wake up,” he snapped and gripped both sides of her jaw between his thumb on one side and his index and middle finger on the other to force her head up.

“Erso, open your eyes,” he ordered, his voice more choked than he would ever admit to anyone -- even Chewie who could hear it presently. “Jyn.” 

Her eyelids fluttered open and she met his gaze before lifting her chin away from his fingers, freeing herself, and he released a sharp huff of relief before he leaned back on his calves. “Worried, Solo?” she asked, smirking. 

“Arrogance is not a good look on you,” he said and glanced down at her blood soaked shirt, then back up to her, noting her mismatched pupils. “You gotta stay awake though. Andor will kill me if I bring you back unconscious.”

“I’ve had worse.” 

“I believe you but something tells me he hasn’t seen worse on you yet. I’d rather not be the one to bring you back in that condition.”

It had been two and a half months since the Death Star’s destruction and, despite arriving to Yavin IV with Leia and Luke, he saw more of Jyn than anyone and, by default, Cassian, since the two were joined at the hip. While Leia was doing most of the organizing when it came to the evacuation, Luke was running most of the reconnaissance in finding the new rebel base, and he was left picking up supplies and running the typical trading and smuggling routes whenever he wasn’t assigned to patrol, which left him with Jyn since Draven didn’t trust her by herself and no other department wanted her. 

Discrimination at it’s best. 

Given what he had witnessed on their missions together it was far from fair but Jyn didn’t complain being partnered with him and he figured it was because he wasn’t official military; no real rules or regulation since he was as much a rule-breaking rebel as she was. Neither of them were signed on in any official capacity but they weren’t really going anywhere either. They made a good team, the three of them, but Han was beginning to wonder what would happen to her once Cassian was cleared. After today, bringing her back covered in blood, barely clinging to consciousness, he was even more curious but mostly he was afraid of what the intelligence officer could and would do. 

“You scared, Captain?”

“Shut up,” he grumbled and stood up to get the medkit off the wall and grabbed a stim, injecting it into her thigh before she could argue. “I need you awake.” While he packed the kit back up, he added; “that was a stupid thing you did back there.” 

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”

He glared at her at the same time Chewie informed him they were in orbit, and Han stood up to stow the kit before dropping into his pilot’s chair again. He flicked on the comm and leaned forward over the console. “This is Captain Solo returning from Taris with Chewbacca and Sergeant Jyn Erso, requesting permission to land.” He gave his callsign and passcode and brought them in for landing, checking over his shoulder once they were entering atmo to look at Jyn, who was dozing again, this time her head leaned back against the headrest, her eyelids half shuttered. 

“Aye, Erso, I’m bored, why don’t you tell me a story.” 

“Why don’t you ask my pal Chewie, he’s got good stories…” Jyn replied and Chewie harrumphed and looked over to Han expectantly. 

“Nah, I’ve heard them before,” he said, holding his friend’s gaze before looking to Jyn again. “Don’t you have something good?”

“This one time I met an old scoundrel-” 

“Old...? Scoundrel??”

“He was obnoxious and had a crush on a princess…” 

He sighed heavily. “I’m trying to keep you alive, Erso… be nice.” 

“You’re trying to save your own skin.” 

“I’m not the one who thought running into a burning building was a good idea!”

“It was fine until that bannister fell…” 

“It was stupid.” 

“It was worth it,” she replied and Han clenched his jaw after a brief, sharp inhale. 

He couldn’t argue with that. 

Chewie growled a warning and Han finally looked forward again to bring them in for a proper landing. As soon as they landed, Han unfastened again and turned to collect Jyn, grabbing her wrist, despite her protests and lifted her up with one arm wrapped around his neck. She ended up needing it more than he thought, almost all her weight leaning on him as she limped out of the cockpit while they did an awkward half sideways walk through the narrow hall. Chewie followed close behind and hit the door control to lower the ramp, where the first face Han noticed was Cassian's.

The other man was waiting under the nose of an x-wing but as soon as he saw Jyn with her arm slung over his shoulders, limping, with blood staining her shirt he walked faster than he’d ever actually seen from the Major. 

“What happened,” Cassian growled and he felt Jyn sag against him, relaxing at the sight of him. 

“Bravery at it’s finest,” Han replied but Cassian was only looking at Jyn, his eyes flicking up and down then resting on the blood stain at her abdomen. 

“It’s not mine,” she assured quickly. 

“Why are you limping?” 

“I stepped wrong when we were running towards the ship. It’s nothing.” 

“It’s your left knee,” he pointed out and Jyn cringed before brushing it off again. 

Then Cassian lifted a hand and placed the side of his index finger under her chin, lifting her to meet his gaze. The intensity of his gaze made Han shift his weight from one leg to the other but Jyn didn’t so much as avert her gaze. What Han missed, unable to see from his side, was Cassian’s thumb flicking up to graze along her jaw for a moment. “We need to get you to Med Bay,” he said finally and now Jyn sighed, though she still didn’t yank her chin from his grasp.

“That’s what I told her,” Han said but while Jyn gave him a pointed side-glare, Cassian ignored him and turned to lead the way, standing on the other side of Jyn. 

Chewie stayed close behind and when they got to Med Bay, the wookie patted her back as she was escorted out from between Han and Cassian, both of whom moved to follow her in but the doctor, Myraah, only stepped in their path. “Only one of you is allowed in; who’s it gonna be?”

“Me.” Both he and Cassian said in unison.

They both looked at one another and Chewie chortled behind them while Myraah tried not to appear either too amused nor put out by the delay. Han studied Cassian’s gaze but he didn’t need to look too deeply into the steely gaze of the Intelligence Major to see there was more than just authority and, maybe, jealousy; the other man worried. Perhaps fearful. Cassian may not be her partner since Scarif but he spent more time with her than anyone and there was a bond with the woman he himself was jealous of; not with Jyn perse but someone else he vied for that kind of connection with. One he knew was there but she took every opportunity to deny.

Pushing his lower lip out, Han nodded once and took a step back. 

Cassian’s expression softened infantismally and, at that moment, the very woman he had been thinking about called his name from down the hall. He looked over and in just that small fraction of a second, Cassian left his side and disappeared into Med Bay ahead of Myraah, the blast door closing behind them. The hall left in deafening silence proceeding the cut off from the din of the active med bay. With one last glance at the closed door, Han walked away to join Leia at the end of the hall, Chewie behind him, and he silently promised to check on Jyn later.

.  
.  
.

“You can stay in my room,” Cassian offered as they left Med Bay after an examination that had her diagnosed with a concussion and an aggravated knee sprain. They had tried to get her in bacta again, if only to properly treat her knee, but she refused. Again. “It’ll be quieter.”

“Shara would be so offended if I didn’t go back to our room so she could take care of me,” Jyn replied, rubbing at her temple with her index and middle finger. “I just need a shower and a nap-”

“Intermittent naps,” he said emphatically. “How long is Shara going to be around for?”

Jyn dropped her hand back to her side and looked up at Cassian while they walked side by side down the hall, Cassian with his limp and her with squinty eyes and an off kilter gait; what a pair they made. “You don’t trust her to wake me up on schedule?” she asked, amused. 

Her smile only dropped when Cassian suddenly grabbed her elbow and pulled her closer to him so she would avoid tumbling over a maintenance droid working on a door panel while the room inhabitant griped about how it never worked and he was in a hurry. She glanced over her shoulder at the scene before looking in front of her again, her head throbbing from the sudden movement, and it made her feel like her eyes were rocks in her skull. 

“Listen, my room is quieter - regardless of Shara’s presence - you’ll be in the officer’s wing instead of near the barracks and the communal refresher and sonics. I have a private refresher. You can take as long a shower you like then sleep in my bed. I’ll wake you up on time and then let you go back to sleep.”

“All very prudent, Major,” she teased and gave him a playful side glance that hurt her eyes and she quickly looked away while she blinked slowly. “Fine… can I at least grab a change of clothes from my room?”

He nodded and they made the next right turn, their steps in perfect sync as always. Especially now since they had similar limps. “So, are you going to explain why you keep putting yourself in danger in the middle of firefights?”

“There were kids in that building…” she replied and the look he gave her brought her back to Jedha; the last time was over a kid as well. One who died regardless, less than an hour later. At least she was with her parents who were likely hugging and doting all over her in those last minutes. 

That’s what she told herself so she could sleep at night whenever the little one occupied her mind. 

“The mission still succeeded,” she justified. “We got the tech.” 

“I didn’t say it wasn’t,” Cassian said and they stopped in front of her door so she could punch in the keycode and enter. 

As usual the room smelled like flowers and sugar but there was also a faint smell that just smelled familiar and real. While she didn’t have any holographs to add to the shelf where Shara kept hers of her and Kes, she still had her things spread out in the room. It made her feel a bit exposed as Cassian walked in behind her and looked around with the calculated gaze of an agent. If he didn’t already know her so well, she had a feeling he could reduce her down to five bullet points and be precise. 

She had never been so self conscious about her own property before let alone a space but this was hers and Shara’s. It was private to them and Kes and now Cassian. He moved towards the couch and pinched the blue and green blanket between his fingers and thumb, caressing the soft material before he dropped it and looked around again, settling on the holographs but Jyn didn’t watch him much longer before she went to the closet to pull out a fresh tunic and loose-fitted pants.

“Okay,” Jyn announced and turned to see him looking towards the bunks and bouncing his eyes up and down as though trying to determine which was hers. Heat flushed her cheeks and she pivoted to the door to hide any pink. “I’m ready.” She grabbed a towel off the shelf as a last second thought and opened the door to get out as soon as possible. To get Cassian out as soon as possible. 

They walked in silence to his room and this time it was Cassian unlocking the door but she still walked in first per his gesture. Once inside, Jyn stood in the middle of the room while he moved to prepare the bed. She glanced at the chrono and blanched at the hour. 

“Where-- you’re not going to stay up all night are you? I didn’t realize it was so late. This isn’t a nap, this is… going to bed.” 

Cassian smiled and turned down the covers of his immaculately made bed. “I’ll sleep in between alarms too but I’ll be on the couch.” 

“Uhm,” Jyn blinked owlishly and raised her eyebrows. “Who’s going to be sleeping in the bed then?”

He straightened and put his hands on his hips, arching one brow. 

“No. I-- I’m not taking your bed for the whole night. I’ll sleep on the couch-” 

“Jyn-”

“ _Cassian_ , your back.” 

He rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw for a fleeting moment. “You’re taking the bed.” 

“I could stay in my own room, Shara will be there with her own bed to sleep in between--”

“Jyn…” he trailed off into a language she didn’t know, likely cursing, and sighed. “Will you, please, just take the bed? I’m asking you to do this, I want you to.”

Inhaling deeply, her change of clothes and towel clutched to her chest within crossed arms, Jyn weighed her options and his words in her mind before finally responding; “then… we’ll share.” It was a double bed, plenty of room for both of them. 

He also seemed to make a weighty decision silently before he finally nodded. “Fine. We’ll both use the bed. Now, go take a shower. I’ll go get you some ice for your knee and water for you to take your medication.”

Jyn nodded and watched him leave before she finally moved into the refresher and stripped. Once under the running water, Jyn scrubbed the sweat and soot out of her hair -- careful around the back of her skull where she had been hit by a swinging banister -- then washed all down her sore, bruised body; ridding all the ash and blood off her skin. She didn’t realize how battered she had been between running from the bucketheads and carrying the sentients out. There was a dark bruise around her forearm, in the shape of a handprint and she stared at it a moment, wondering where it came from.

_She couldn’t see anymore. The smoke was too thick and too dark, blocking out any light from outside. Her head hurt but she didn’t bother reaching back to see if she was bleeding. She had been so certain there was someone else in the building but she hadn’t found anyone and now she was disoriented. Had she lost consciousness; when had it gotten this bad?_

_Jyn coughed violently and then found she could hardly inhale anymore._

_Just as she motivated herself to start crawling forward again, a figure emerged from the black, the smoke billowing and dissipating with the motion of someone running towards her. She blinked past blurry, teary eyes, and coughed again when she tried to call his name. Then Han, wearing a cloth over his mouth and nose, grabbed her outstretched arm and yanked painfully to get her up towards him. She managed to keep her feet under her and stumbled after him while he led them out, his hand clamped on her arm._

A quick hum of acknowledgement and she dropped both her arms to her sides while she turned in the shower so her back was to the steady stream of water, her neck at the perfect angle to get the brunt of the running water against her neck muscles which she purposely strained by reaching for her chest with her chin and turning her head side to side; massaging her muscles in hopes of alleviating some of the pounding in her neck. Slowly she inched forward in the stall so the water moved steadily down her neck to her shoulders which she listed side to side to ensure a thorough water massage. 

Her eyes still ached in her skull and the throbbing was still there but the steaming, hot water was helping even as it dripped off her eyebrows and tip of her nose while she stood there with the water at her neck and shoulders. 

A rapid knock on the door had her eyes opening. 

“Jyn, you okay in there?” She blinked, confused, and her silence spurred Cassian into a panic, audible not only in the heavier knocking -- _pounding_ \-- but in his voice; “Jyn!”

She turned off the water. “I’m fine,” she said hurriedly and realized that he thought she passed out in the shower because she was taking so long. Guilt coursed through her and she apologized quickly before adding, “I’ll be out in a second.” 

Stepping out of the shower, she grabbed the folded towel off the corner of the sink and went for her hair first, bending at the waist to throw her hair over the back of her head so she could press the long edge of the towel at the base of her skull and massage all the water out of her hair while she scrubbed her hands all over her head and down into the strands. Instant regret. The rapid motion made the moon tilt on it’s axis and she nearly fell over. The intense pain was back again - the whole shower massage null - and she almost wanted to cry for a moment. Slowly, she stood back up and dropped the towel from her head to dry off the rest of her body. 

When she was mostly dry, she wrapped the towel around her head in a sort of turban, tucking the tail under the edge at the base of her skull, then dressed into her clean clothes, her bloody, sooty, sweaty ones in a pile on the toilet. Jyn didn’t bother tucking her light blue shirt into her dark, loose pants because she was going to be sleeping anyway. She bundled the soiled clothes in her used towel, which she yanked off her head by the time she was done dressing, and took it out with her. As she stepped out of the refresher, the steam rolled out from behind her as though it was racing her to the cool, non-humid air of Cassian’s room, and Jyn used one hand to run her fingers through wet strands, trying to make her damp hair look semi-normal how it lay around her shoulders; her bangs in her eyes. 

Cassian was waiting at the table, his hands resting against his thighs as though he hadn’t known what to do with them while he waited. They didn’t address his panic minutes before and Jyn went to the door to put her bundle to the side of the door frame so she could get it in the morning. However, when she turned back around, Cassian had shifted in his seat and looked ready to spring to his feet at a moment’s notice. This time she couldn’t deduce why he appeared so startled but she walked back towards him and he visibly relaxed. She smiled. 

“Feel better?” he asked. 

“I did and then I towel dried my hair like a karking idiot.” 

He produced a small packet and tossed it to her. “Pain medication, non-drowsy,” he said.

“What’s the point of that? I _want_ to sleep.” 

“Not that well,” he replied and then motioned at her impatiently to take the meds. 

Jyn smirked before opening it and taking the dose dry only to see that he was now holding a cup of water out for her to swallow the pill with. His eyebrows lowered over his eyes and he sighed but she took the water anyway and took a sip. 

“Ready for bed?”

Cassian nodded and moved to the bed in sync with her and while she crawled in, he sat down then pivoted to lay down. Once they were both settled under the covers, her on her right side and him laying on his back, she couldn’t help but smile a bit then bit her lips between her teeth to hide it. 

“What?” 

She shook her head against the pillow and drew her left shoulder up to her jaw briefly. “Thank you…” When he finally turned his head to look directly at her, his hair smooshed up against his forehead, she smiled again. “For worrying about me. And taking care of me.” 

They held one another’s gazes and his smile soon matched hers as he blinked slowly. “You’ve done the same for me.” 

Jyn nodded and shuffled closer to him, still on her side and her right arm tucked under the pillow, and he rolled onto his left side to face her, mirroring her position. 

“Go to sleep, Jyn…” he said softly, just above a whisper so his voice was gravelly. 

Her smile dimmed only because she relaxed her face, her eyes fluttering shut slowly as she pressed her cheek further against the damp pillow and tried not to wonder if saturating his pillow with her scent, from her damp hair, was something that he would cherish like she would if the roles were reversed. She did wonder if he was still looking at her or not and peeked one eye open just a crack--

“ _Sleep_.” 

She puffed a breath out; a sharp exhale through her nose as she suppressed another smile and promptly shut her eye again. Not missing the way his tone had reflected a smile of his own. 

“Jyn. Jyn, please…” Cassian sounded panicked; his voice wrecked and higher than usual. 

She let out a small, rueful sound at hearing him like that and frowned even as she pulled herself from her REM cycle and opened her eyes. “Wha-”

The exhausted sigh of relief was not only audible but she had felt it in the way his grip on her face loosened, one of his hands against her neck and jaw and the other pressed to the side of her head, his fingers tangled in her, still damp, hair. He let out another sigh amidst a soft curse and pet her hair back from her temples. “You scared me half to death, Jyn.” 

Jyn swallowed thickly and looked around the room, recalling he had insisted she stay with him for the night so he could wake her up periodically per doctor’s concussion protocol. The room was still dark but she could make out his features and his eyes were still wide, his eyebrows raised and lips parted. “I didn’t hear you,” she admitted apologetically. 

“That’s okay… that’s okay…” he said, who he was telling she wasn’t entirely sure, “you’re up now.” 

She nodded and lifted her hand to grip his right wrist, where his hand still rested between her neck and jaw, and rubbed her thumb back and forth in the space between his thumb and index finger while she let him stare at her, study her. Slowly, Cassian dropped his left hand from her hair and went back down on his side, propping himself up on that elbow, but his other hand stayed where it was, even as she turned her head to follow where he lay. 

“I have to ask you those questions now,” he said, his voice sounding more his own again. 

She nodded and licked her lips; ready. 

When they finished, Cassian took a deep breath and nodded his approval and finally pulled his hand away, out from under her own grip and she let him only to turn back on her side again. They gazed at one another for a moment and then Cassian moved closer and she followed his lead until they were so close that the heel of her palm to the tip of her middle finger would just barely out of reach to touch between their chests. His dark eyes flicked down to her lips when she licked them again and then he licked his own and it was her turn to watch. They lifted their gazes in unison and she let out a nervous puff of breath through her nose while he smiled with his eyes, the corners of them narrowing. 

Something passed between them and they came to the same decision and their blinks came slower and longer before they fell asleep again, closer than before but just so far away somehow. 

The next time she woke up, it was on his first attempt:

His arms were around her, her face buried in the center of his chest - nose against his sternum - and their legs were entwined. When he spoke her name, she could feel the heat of his breath against the top of her head and her eyelids fluttered but she didn’t bother opening them. Instead, she snuggled closer and brought her left arm, which had been pressed between their stomachs, to wrap around his waist. 

“Mmm,” she acknowledged and she felt a puff of breath tickle her scalp, moving her hair. 

“Are you awake?”

“Mmmph... “ 

“What day is it?” he asked one of the questions and she groaned.

“What time is it?”

“0300 hours…” 

“Then it’s Zhellday…” 

“Where are you?”

She smiled against his shirt and tightened her embrace around him for a moment. “Your room.” 

“Good enough,” he replied and she could hear his smile. “Goodnight, Jyn.” 

“‘night, Cass…”

.  
.  
.

“Where did you go?” Han asked the next morning when she made her way to the mess hall where he sat with Luke and Chewie. Her head still hurt but it was slightly better than the day before and she wasn’t about to spend her whole day in bed, no matter that Cassian assured it was perfectly acceptable.

She passed Han by without answering to get a cup of caf and a piece of fruit off the breakfast bar then returned and plopped down in the seat adjacent to both Han and Chewie, across from Luke at the round table -- one chair available still unoccupied. She bit into the fruit and shrugged one shoulder. 

“What do you mean?” she asked, her half chewed breakfast stored in her cheek so she could speak. 

“I checked med bay after I debriefed and they said you were discharged but Shara and Kes hadn’t seen you.” 

Jyn rolled her lips between her teeth and cast a glance at Luke before biting into her breakfast again. 

A smug, broad grin lit up Han’s features and he leaned a bit closer. “You were with him, weren’t you?”

“Force, Han… as the second oldest here--” Jyn started and Chewie grumped after he looked to Luke, who shook his head and fixated on his bowl of slop. “You gossip worse than the new recruits.” 

“Eh, what else is there to do?”

“You should try minding your own business, Solo… it might get you into less trouble.” Jyn responded and Luke smirked and gave his friend a side glance even as he dug into his breakfast. 

“Whatever, I can see the truth in your eyes. All I’ll say on the matter is maybe you should do stupid shit more often -- might get you more attention from your boyfriend.” 

Jyn retorted with an obscene hand gesture and took a sip of her caf at the same time. 

“Where is he anyway?”

“He had to donate blood.”

“Donate blood? Why?”

“He’s a universal donor, he does it every other month… apparently,” she added and widened her eyes briefly while shrugging her shoulders. _Now that he's healthy again._

“I’m a universal donor,” Luke chirped and Jyn gave him an amused look just as Chewie muttered that he, too, should donate blood. 

“You’re the only wookie here, buddy,” Han replied incredulously. 

Jyn bit into her breakfast. “Then he’ll be donating to save himself should something happen in the future.” 

“Nothing’s ‘going to happen in the future’,” Han snapped, crossing his arms.

Just then all attention Han had with their table vanished and his expression went blank. Instantly all three of them knew what caught his attention so Luke didn’t bother looking and just focused on his breakfast and Chewie rolled his eyes and commented that his friend was the one with relationship problems, not Jyn, which earned him a chuckle from the woman, who drank more of her caf. 

“So, Han, don’t you think it’s weird that the x-wings turn blue when the senator says the banthas won’t walk backwards?” Jyn asked, her tone entirely serious, checking to see if he was paying attention anymore. 

“Yeah…” His gaze tracked the princess as she walked away from Mon Mothma to get to the line for more than just fruit and caf. 

“I was wondering if you could take a look to see why that happens.” 

“Uh-huh…”

“Y’know what… if you just lend me the thousand credits, I’ll do it myself.” 

“Sure.” 

“So, if I just take it out of your account, you’re good with that?”

“Yep- hey, I’ll be right back,” he said, never taking his eyes off Leia. Han scraped the legs of the chair on the floor as he got up from his seat and moved to meet Leia at the line; no doubt to shamelessly flirt with a woman who was convinced he was a total laser brain.

“That’s binding, right?” She asked Luke and Chewie.

Before they could agree, Shara and Kes came over and she took Han’s seat to sit closest to Jyn. “So,” she said and widened her eyes briefly, resting her chin on the heel of her palm as she settled Jyn with a knowing look. “How you feelin’ sweetie?”

Jyn smiled a bit and leaned her head back on her neck without moving the rest of her body. “Fiiiine…?”

“You should be real good considering you didn’t come back to the room last night and you weren’t in med bay…”

“Why is everyone so damn nosy on this base?” Jyn asked, and slapped her thigh with her hand after throwing her arm up in the air helplessly. “Nothing happened.” 

She got up from her seat to get away from the boys who were worse with gossip than the woman following her out of the mess with eager, bouncy steps. “Just tell me. You slept together, didn’t you?”

Jyn got them to their room and waited until the door was closed. “We did not sleep together.” 

Shara lowered her eyebrows over her eyes and gave her a deadpan look. 

“Okay, we… _slept_ together, we cuddled, but we didn’t _sleep_ together. There’s a difference.” 

“Yeah, one is way cuter.” 

Jyn sighed and sat down on the edge of her bunk, giving Shara a desperate look to drop it. 

She granted mercy and smiled as she went to sit on their couch. “I heard it got really rough, Kes was there for the debrief. How are you feeling?”

“Fine, really I’m more upset about my knee than the concussion. The mission was successful though, so I have no complaints.” she replied and touched her knee at the mention of it. “Aren’t you heading out soon on the reconnaissance mission?” 

“Yeah. Morning after next. Last checks on establishing the next base, making sure there are no imperial efforts out there. Once it’s cleared they’ll start basic construction and we’ll finish the rest in orbit before we officially touch down. It’s actually nice, kind of like here but with more water and less trees. The sky is almost always pink, which is cool. Nice views.” 

Jyn laughed. “Because that’s what a base needs. A view.”

“Hey, don’t hate. Morale needs to stay up and if people like the place they’re living…” 

“People can get complacent.” 

“Or it could improve mental health,” Shara countered and arched a brow as she tilted her head. 

Jyn paused and pinched her eyebrows. She found herself not only agreeing but hopeful and smiled, her chin wrinkled in the process of pressing her lower lip into her upper. “Yeah,” she nodded. “You’re right. I hope it works out.” 

“Me too,” Shara replied and Jyn found herself looking to the holographs, missing the way Shara regarded her when she did, her eyes narrowing in her thoughtfulness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their arguments, I think, are always fun to write. I imagine they would bicker quite often...
> 
> Han and Chewie would have been best friends with Jyn if she lived to meet them. Anyone who thinks otherwise can fight me. 
> 
> Couldn't resist concussion cuddles. Forgive any medical inaccuracies of course, please...
> 
> Comments loved and appreciated!


	10. 3 ABY

“I’m just saying, I’ve never actually seen your husband. I’ve lived here for five months…” Saren said, leaning against the fence post of her goat pen. 

“How many times do I have to ask you to leave, Saren,” she asked rhetorically, through barely gritted teeth, as she pushed aside her bangs which were nearly grown out by now; she’d stopped trimming them after she learned of Cassian’s death and now they were a little passed her cheekbones.

Saren sighed. “You’re the only one for hours-” 

“You should have thought of that when you moved to the mountains. I told you, I don’t want you around,” Jyn snapped and stopped what she was doing to glare at him, the hammer still in her hand and she had half a mind to chuck it at his face. 

He came around at least once a week for the last thirty five weeks, some weeks none at all and some weeks more than once. One time he came just as her messengers were leaving and she got to say that her husband, Cassian, had just left. It sold her story for a couple of weeks before he began questioning her again. Flirting with her. Insisting they be friends at the least. Not once had she let him inside and more and more every day she wished she could knock him out and tie him to a tree to teach him a lesson but it would be her luck that he had someone waiting for him and would come looking only to find her and attack her, or worse, find out who she really was. A rebel. 

They were in imperial space, it’s why they were here. They might be at a station in a beautiful valley but it was far from safe and they were still, technically on the frontlines. They were still, technically, intelligence and they were still, technically, undercover. 

For all she knew, Saren was an imperial sympathizer. Annoying as he was, she wouldn’t be surprised but he was also a little clueless and quite clearly harmless. Although he pestered he never hurt or asked suspicious questions; nothing beyond attempted small talk and flirting. 

“Jyn, is there nothing that will convince you that I’m just your friend. I take the fact you haven’t swung anything at my head in the last couple of months some real progression in our relationship!” 

She stood up abruptly and clenched her jaw. “We do not have a relationship of any kind. For the last time--” 

A familiar ship dropped from atmo and started to come over the mountains towards them and Jyn groaned. There was no signal for her to give the messengers at this point; it wasn’t a good time. She had had other rebels visit, Han and Chewie among them, so it wasn’t the first time they would see another person standing outside or another ship in her yard. So they wouldn’t assume there was a problem and keep flying. If she could get to the front porch in time, maybe, but they were already landing and if she had run when she first noticed them, it would have been more than suspicious. 

They would just have to be careful. 

“Who’s that? Isn’t that your husband’s ship?”

She clenched her jaw and walked around him to greet the ship, hopefully she could give them a signal to be quiet and keep all intel to themselves until she could get rid of Saren. The ramp descended and a male mirialan with green skin stepped off first, his black face tattoos accentuating his cheekbones and strong chin; triangles that passed from one cheek, under his eyes, to the other by crossing the bridge of his pointed nose in two lines, the shapes fitting together from point to base. The other tattoo was fitted, diamond shapes starting just under his thin, lower lip and down to the bottom of his strong chin. When he saw her, he almost smiled and greeted her as he always did but he saw her expression and flicked his gaze to her lips as she mouthed, in basic, that the coast was not clear. 

“Ah, you must be the mister,” Saren greeted the messenger, Sai, as he surpassed Jyn to greet him first. “Jyn was always mentioning she had a husband but I was beginning to believe you weren’t real.” 

“I--”

“Excuse me,” a feminine voice interrupted, another mirialan with peach toned skin and a broad tipped nose descended after her partner. “Who are you?”

Saren looked startled to see another and was now uncomfortable in making the wrong assumption. “I could ask the same.” 

“These are friends of mine,” Jyn stated simply. “They work with my husband.” She shared a similar look with the female, Adhira, a warning. 

Adhira’s face tattoo had been added to since the last time she saw her; what was once just two small designs under each eye, triangular shaped with swirls and dots in between, was now accompanied by six, solid oval shapes that started over the inner parts of each eyebrow and going in an upward diagonal trajectory, towards her temples. Her hair was still hidden by the headdress but, unlike before where it covered her forehead most days, it now began at the start of her scalp; a dark violet piece with a gold band around the top of her brow. 

“Adhira and Sai, this is… Saren.” 

Sai smiled but his wife frowned and regarded him with a disgusted downturn of her plump lips. “Oh. _You_ …” 

“Adhira,” Sai exclaimed, surprised and Jyn panicked at first, worried Saren would turn on them all but then she smirked when all the other man could muster was a look of shock and mild offense. 

“He was just leaving,” Jyn added and looked to Saren, who started to back his way off the few steps he took up their ramp and settled in the grass again, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. He looked over his shoulder at her and managed to appear hurt, and maybe he was, his eyebrows drawn together and raised slightly in the middle. 

“Is your husband not returning with them?”

“He needed to stay behind to meet with our CO about some ledgers,” Sai informed so easily all Jyn could do was blink. 

“A shame,” Saren replied. “Next time then.” 

Jyn clenched her jaw. “I don’t think so.” Of course he would come back despite the lack of invitation. 

“Bye,” Adhira waved at him, snide, and went to stand beside Sai, linking their arms together, and Saren narrowed his eyes at her before turning to go to his speeder without further exchange. 

Jyn sighed heavily the moment he was out of earshot and while she kept watching him disappear over the mountainside, they both looked to her. 

“That’s the laser brain you’ve been talking about that won’t leave you alone?” Sai surmised. 

“Yes.” Jyn finally looked at them as they finished descending and she shook her head. “I just want to make him disappear but I’m worried about what would happen. It could implicate me.” 

Adhira nodded as she shrugged. “Not unless he went missing while you had an alibi,” she said and glanced at the place they’d watch him disappear over. 

“Ira,” Sai chided and then indicated to the station. “We should go inside, he might still be watching.” 

“We’ll stay longer than normal, make it seem like a real visit.” 

“Thank you. Sorry I couldn’t get a signal out. I should have done it when I saw him come over… it just… escaped me.” 

“No, no…” Adhira said quickly. “I’m glad you didn’t. If we can give that piece of shit a talking down then by all means.” 

They walked inside, Jyn leading the way, but as soon as they were safe within the walls of her home, Sai handed her the datachip she had been waiting on. She plugged it into a secure datapad and pulled up the messages but there was only one and it was addressed to her, from Mothma. Jyn had to read the message three times to make sure she really understood the gravity of what she was being told: 

Hoth destroyed. Base evacuated. Station may be compromised - execute Order VII. Meet at rendezvous point or consider this your dismissal. Choice is yours. Please send word of the latter.

Jyn looked back up at the couple in front of her, both of them having moved about the station, making themselves comfortable as they so often had over the last two and a half years of being partners with her and Cassian. Sai had been making caf while Adhira sat down on the couch and pulled out the remote for the large holoprojector to watch a holodrama but both stopped, as though sensing her distress, and frowned. 

“What is it?” Adhira asked. 

“Order seven…” 

Their eyes widened and the holodrama was turned off, the caf left on the counter. “How soon?”

“Immediately.” 

They nodded and moved to the transmitter to destroy it first. She let them begin the work; destroying long range transmitters and transponders, snapping datapads in half, and crushing datachips. She stood there and watched, in a trance, but slowly her attention drifted and she looked around at the beauty of the station. Their house. Their _home_. Cassian hadn’t been there for five months - one hundred and seventy five, agonizing, empty days -- but it was _theirs_ and her order was to not only leave it but destroy it. 

The floors they had replaced less than a year into being there because it was too white and they had wanted something darker and more natural than the plasteel that was built in. The natural wood of the shelves they had added to the sandstone colored walls and the holographs they had displayed on top. The couch they had cuddled on. The table - with their initials on it - where they not only ate at but had also ran around it, laughing, because Jyn had what Cassian wanted and she wasn’t giving it up without a fight. 

She heard a splash of accelerant hitting the floor and she snapped out of it and spun around to stop Sai just as he splashed some on the wooden table. “No, wait!” 

Sai froze and they both watched as the clear liquid landed on the surface of the table. “What?”

“I… I need to bring this table.” 

“Jyn-” 

“Please, I… I need it.” She couldn’t let the testament to Cassian’s existence burn to nothing. He’d carved his initials into it for the exact purpose of being remembered. She couldn’t let it happen. 

He relented immediately. “Okay, we’ll get it out before we light the place up.” 

“Get everything else you need,” Adhira said and Jyn nodded as she ran to the back of the station to the bedrooms. 

She started to pack the essentials and most of her clothes, and some of Cassian’s -- maybe too much of his. His parka was put at the top of the last bag. She didn’t bother with the sheets or pillows, they all stopped smelling like him ages ago, and prioitized their holographs into the amenities luggage, forgoing putting a lot of the refresher amenities in; aside from her toothbrush, hairbrush, and some of her cosmetics. When they were all packed, she put them by the door and then pitched in with destroying what remained of any rebel intelligence. They burned it first, in a vault under the floor, then closed the door on it so they were only able to see the smoke rising from the cracks. 

They got the table out, put her luggage on top, and got the livestock on board, the chickens in little cages and stacked against the wall. Then, with a heavy heart, Jyn set the station on fire. 

She watched it burn from a safe distance, still able to feel the heat, and witnessed the destruction of their home. For the last five months, staying at the station felt like the right thing to do because it had been _their_ job. Staying felt right because, maybe, if she stayed long enough he could still walk through the front door. It was gone now and all that remained were holographs and a table. Tears wet eyes dried by the heat but she didn’t let them fall. She rolled her lips together and tried not to let her chest shudder with the lack of breath in her lungs, her heart constricted.

As the flames rose, the smoke as white as the clouds above, Jyn stayed and realized this was truly the end of this chapter of her life. There was no more waiting, there couldn’t be and although that realization hurt, it brought her a sense of peace. Acceptance that her life must go on beyond Cassian and, maybe, beyond the cause. She was owed that much. Owed a life of earned peace, to not die without having actually lived. 

Working at the station had given her a taste of what domesticity could be like. No fighting. No fear of death around every corner or every loud noise. She was tired of fighting - they both had been. Yet, the fight was hers. The Empire was not yet defeated and, in fact, they just got their revenge on the rebellion. They had struck back and devastated the base. How could she leave now? She couldn’t. 

But there was one last thing she had to do before she could go back.

“So, where to?” Adhira asked after there was nothing left but a pillar of black smoke. 

She sniffled and looked away from the pyre that was reaching for the skies. When she had been lost in thought, they had moved the table and her luggage onto the ship, and she gave them a grateful look which they waved off. “I, uhm...” 

“It’s okay if you don’t know.” Sai assured. 

“No, I do,” she sighed and pressed her lips together. “It’s a bit of a ride though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here’s the deal with this. 
> 
> If you’ll remember from chapter “Four: 3 ABY” (it’s actually chapter three [see chapter border] because I don’t consider the Prologue an official chapter)... Jyn and Cassian had 7 holographs on the shelf. Additionally, I have home remodels, cuddles on the couch, and “chasing around a table” mentioned here. Cassian has a hallikset. They have a special tree that they had ‘moments under’... dey have a cute wittle, baby goat...
> 
> My intention is to write timestamps for the, mostly, unaccounted for two years that Jyn and Cassian live together at The Station. Literally all of ABY 1 - 2 is not written about except in the form of flashbacks. 
> 
> So, _that being said_ , I will be taking prompts of domesticity through my ask box on Tumblr (briamarie38 [VintageVulpes]). Truthfully I only have a couple in mind so I will by accepting anything from angst/hurt/comfort to the most fluffy of all fluffiness.


	11. 0 ABY - 1 ABY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: PG-13 rated sexual content near the end of this chapter.

Draven had seemed anxious when he pulled her aside and asked her to find Cassian and talk him into his next assignment. When she asked what it was, he explained it and she hadn’t thought it sounded like a bad thing; apparently Cassian had. 

“Does he have no other alternative?” she asked, just so she knew what Cassian was truly facing.

“At this point… no.” Draven replied, his shoulders tensing and voice deepening. 

Jyn blinked then held her eyes closed as she processed the information. “Wait a minute. So, you gave him five and a half months to recover from major spine surgery and now it’s either, what, forced retirement or doing this assignment? That’s how you treat your people? Or your agent that has given everything he has and more to this rebellion?”

Something like hurt crossed Draven’s features but it was so subtle and gone so quickly, Jyn was impressed, Cassian was hardly faster than he was in shifting behind a mask. 

“If you don’t want to see him healthy, then don’t bother asking him to go.” He said sternly and walked around his desk to tower over her. Cassian was tall, Han was taller, but Draven towered over all of them and he used it to his advantage to intimidate anyone who dared speak against him. “Sergeant Erso, understand this: there is no place of the galaxy where you have the authority to address me like that. You don’t have an inkling of what thought goes into a decision as weighted as this one. Major Andor is one of the best among us, he has done more than anyone not only in intelligence but beyond, losing him as an asset would be a travesty.

“This is the best we can do for him. He needs a mission, he needs an objective, and we’re giving him one to do _while_ he recovers.” He paused and when he spoke again his tone went from official and domineering to something softer, personal, like he were talking to an equal. “You, more than anyone, should see the way we’re losing him to more than just his physical disability.”

She clenched her jaw but didn’t give him the satisfaction of averting her gaze. 

The truth was, they were losing him. Cassian was irritable and more quiet than usual, things had started to get better for a while, after they had talked about potentially seeking counsel but he was withdrawing again. He saw the counselor once every week, through secure transmissions, but he was often more upset when he came back from a session than he had been going in. Perhaps, Jyn had justified, it had to get worse before it got better but three months worth of counseling hadn’t seen much progression and his limp was as bad as it was when he first got out of his chair. At this point, Jyn was grateful that he let her still come around without tearing her head off.

Draven didn’t give her the opportunity to think of a proper response before he took a datapad from his desk, barely shifting one foot to be able to reach it with his long arms, and he handed it to her. “Read it. It’s what was given to Cassian. If you think it will help, if you want to do it, you’re authorized to be his partner. Otherwise one will be assigned to him, should he take the job.”

After a quick read over the datapad, skimming it, Jyn looked up and tilted her head to the side. 

“How is this any better than what he’s doing now? He’ll be a glorified messenger, of course he said no.” 

“We’re about to evacuate this base, Sergeant. The new base is smaller than here and it will be crowded. A lot of it disorganized. Leaving for this new world, new base, although organized will be stressful and he’ll feel obligated to assist but will either be forbidden and he’ll grow more agitated or he’ll do it anyway and slow his recovery even more. This mission could save him. He’s still young, Sergeant, there’s no use in ruining his life or getting him killed too early. It’s a miracle he’s lived this long.” 

Jyn wished people would stop saying that. 

Instead of arguing, seeing his point anyway, she simply nodded and took the ‘pad with her as she dismissed herself to start to looking for Cassian. The base was nearly empty by now so she was able to walk and read without bumping into any shoulders, so she did it the entire way from Draven’s office back to the officers’ quarters on the other side of base. 

It was all rather simple but she realized it was, probably, the best possible option he could take. An opportunity that was suited just for him and, maybe, her. She was reminded of her conversation with Shara about the new base, sure it was pretty and that wasn’t necessarily ideal for a base but it was ideal with preserving the mental health of the rebels. Even though the assignment was a glorified relay station and was not too much different than what he was doing now -- with all his work done from a datapad -- it could still benefit him to get out from under the pressure and eyes of his fellow soldiers. He could heal in more ways than one and, hopefully, be stronger than ever. 

All she had to do was show Cassian that. 

She knocked on his door and was relieved when he opened it, saw her, and stepped aside, leaving it open for her to follow him. Jyn brandished the ‘pad before tossing it on his bed and turning to face him, where he was standing by the window, brooding. 

“Cassian…” 

“They want to sideline me. They want me passing notes back and forth like some sort of child. I did that before I was ten years old…” he said angrily, his voice dark. Cold. “They’re not giving me a chance!”

“They are,” she said and sidled closer. “Cassian this gives you something to do for the cause again and it gives you the chance to heal without the pressures of everyone around you. We’re going to a new base, it’s going to be cramped and… probably still disorganized. You’ll have space where we’re going.” He looked up sharply at her, his eyebrows furrowed and raised in the middle. “Time to really recover. This is an opportunity, Cassian.” 

“We?”

She shrugged a shoulder and smiled a bit while he turned to face her more directly, squaring off. “It’s an opportunity for us both. I’ve gotten pathfinder experience, working with Han for the most part. And I’m no pilot… but I think I could be good at intelligence work. You’ve seen my forged scandocs," she said and tilted her head while motioning at him and he nodded his affirmation. 

"And I’ve been ‘other people’ before," she continued. "So, if I can pull off ‘patient’ and ‘stationary’; undercover behind enemy lines maybe Draven will consider me qualified for intelligence work when we get back. I’m more than just a woman who can hit bucketheads really hard with a truncheon.” 

“That was never in question,” Cassian replied and stepped closer, dipping his chin as he approached, his shoulders relaxing. “You don’t have to do this…” 

“I do.” She nodded and his eyelids flinched in a half-blink. “Not for you, Cass,” she added, sensing a rising sense of guilt from him. Maybe some anger at what he was perceiving as pity. “For me. I’m in this now, this is my cause too; for my family, for Rogue One, for Alderaan. I have to do something about it. And this is an opportunity for me to prove my worth as more than just cannon fodder, more than a former criminal to be thrown at a problem to beat it into submission. I’m more than that and I can prove it. 

“And,” she continued and worked her jaw in a playful manner, hope in her gaze that she found was reflected in his darker one. “I want you to come with me.” 

“I can’t make any promises that I’ll be any better than I have been…” he said apologetically and Jyn nodded -- they had been fighting frequently, petty small things that normally resolved themselves within hours -- “but I… I’ll try and I’ll go with you.” 

“Guess I’ll start packing.” She smiled. 

Cassian smiled back and pushed his fingers through his hair as he pivoted to start doing the same. She excused herself to leave but Cassian stopped her by calling her name, turning his head to look at her, his toes still pointed at his closet, and she mirrored him where she stood at his door. 

“Thank you,” he said softly and she nodded.

.  
.  
.

.

They were picked up from base by a mirialan couple with their personal, light freighter not a full week after accepting the assignment. Cassian waited in the hangar with his blue parka on and Jyn remembered something Draven had said about Cassian doing more than anyone on base. She had recognized the jacket from all the other pathfinders; Melshi had had one, Kes, even Han but she never associated it with how Cassian would have gotten one himself. He wore vests that she’d seen on Luke and other pilots and Jyn was beginning to wonder how many jobs Cassian had before he settled into his position as an officer in intelligence. 

He looked down at her and arched a brow. “You okay?”

Realizing she’d been staring up at his profile from where they stood next to one another, she blinked rapidly and nodded, offering a smile. “Absolutely.” 

Cassian smiled at her and then they both turned their attention to the couple coming towards them. 

“So, you’re our charges, huh?” The male said. 

“More or less,” Cassian responded, his tone surprisingly deep - annoyed - but she wasn’t sure why. 

“I’m Sai and this is my wife, Adhira.” 

She looked to the other female, who wore a royal blue headdress that covered her forehead and hair. Adhira smiled at her and nodded politely before turning her gaze up at Cassian and greeting him as well. 

“Let’s get you boarded and we’ll get on our way.” 

So,” Sai started once they were in a hyperlane to their station that awaited them. While she and Cassian had waited in the galley, Sai and Adhira came to join them afterwards. “How long have you two been together?”

Narrowing her eyes, she shared a look with Cassian, who furrowed his brow before looking back at Sai. “What?”

His eyes widened and he pursed his lips before casting his wife a nervous glance. “He means how long have you two been partners,” Adhira saved, though Sai’s relieved sigh told them it had not been what he meant. 

“A little over half a year,” Cassian replied and Jyn leaned back in her seat, bringing one leg up to her chest, her heel braced against the edge of her swivel chair. 

“Well, your station looks good. We’ve been instructed to come by twice a day but there’s a system in place that you can alert us at any time and we’ll keep an eye out for the signal and come sooner, if necessary.” 

“How far away is your cabin?”

“Oh, hours, but don’t worry, there’s a system that transmits a feed of your station so we can monitor.” 

Cassian blinked and made a small sound of acknowledgement. 

When they arrived at the station, Jyn determined, that it looked more like a small farm than it did a military installation. It was nestled in the corner of a deep valley surrounded by nothing but mountains. Green and splashes of color all they could see aside from the deep blue of the sky above and one of the two moons visible alongside the sun. 

It was already set up with a coop for chickens and a pen for goats and, around back was a small garden with herbs and vegetables -- with one or two fruit vines though she couldn’t tell what kind of berries they would produce yet. Everything was already set and stocked, the livestock barely acknowledging them as they walked up to the front door with their bags. Jyn set hers down and checked the inside of her wrist for the passcode she had written there for when they arrived. She entered it, got the door open, and walked inside after reclaiming her bags in both hands. 

Inside it smelled clean and new, almost overwhelmingly so -- the plasteel stinking up the room under the scent of cleaning supplies used to make sure no residue was left behind for that gritty texture. Beyond that was the smell of freshly crafted furniture, the fabric too stiff and smelling of a factory. 

“Oof,” Adhira said, her nose wrinkling to match Jyn’s. 

“Yeah, we’ll have to open some windows,” Jyn agreed and looked to Cassian, who nodded. 

They set their bags down and Jyn went for the kitchenette window over the sink and opened it with some difficulty, the window just within her reach she had to press her stomach painfully against the edge of the counter and lift using the momentum of a swing to get it up. When she accomplished her goal she huffed an aggressive breath and turned while straightening out her shirt. 

“It’s nice…” Adhira said.

“Spacious,” Sai added.

 _Sterile_ , Jyn thought. Everything was too clean. Too stiff. 

After so long with Shara in their comfortable, cozy room, it felt odd to be in something so impersonal. Maybe they could change that. Then again, Cassian liked to be able to leave no trace behind; maybe that would be too stressful. There would be time for decisions like interior design in the future. 

Adhira and Sai only stayed for a while longer before they decided to move along, letting their new partners settle into their new home for however long it lasted. Then it was just her and Cassian in a two bedroom, one refresher station. Months of learning new equipment, longer to acclimate to a new home, and however long it took for Cassian to be back to himself. They knew the exercises and they knew one another, Jyn was certain it would all work out for the best.

.  
.  
.

Two months into their time at the station, Jyn heard Cassian try the hallikset for the first time.

They had just gotten news that the new rebel base had been compromised and the fleet was mobilizing again to keep ahead of the imperials. The nice view and pink skied base abandoned a mere month of being there. It would be a devastating blow financially but, luckily there were no casualties and everything could still be salvaged if not some things left behind for the sake of space. Regardless, it didn't bode well for the rebellion in the aftermath of victory. A bad omen, perhaps. 

Cassian had stepped outside and was now sitting on the porch step, facing their view of a seemingly endless field, the instrument in his hands while he stared at the strings with a datapad in front of him displaying an image of sheet music. It wasn’t a full hour since he had watched the holo recording of his counselor giving him exercises to do that day and she wasn't surprised to see him distracting himself between the news from the rebellion and then being downloaded with 'self-help' suggestions. Most likely he was cranky but Jyn needed to make sure before she gave him space he may not want or need.

She wished he could still _talk_ to a counselor but, now that they were behind enemy lines and the fleet was once again in the wind, he wasn’t able to do live sessions but she hoped it still helped. 

When they first started their job, Cassian would have bad days and worse days about how he felt being at the station. At one point he had yelled that he hadn’t wanted her here, that he hadn’t wanted to be assigned to the station at all, and it ended with her walking out of the station, hurt. He threatened to quit another day and she shouted back that he wasn’t a quitter and he was being impatient. Harmful words and names were hurled like physical projectiles that left both of them standing there with chests heaving and eyes colder than ice.

The thing was she hadn't handled the change much better. She felt trapped more often than not; there was nowhere to go and their only way off planet or even to the nearest city was signaling their hired partners. It left her feeling vulnerable, which she knew Cassian had to feel too, but she had days where it set her so far to the edge that him just _breathing_ ‘wrong’ had her at his throat. 

They never stayed angry for long and either they met halfway with an apology or silent, small deeds to be helpful or thoughtful were offered from the wrong-doer and absolution was extended in the form of a small smile or a touch to the hand. Neither of them ever tried to leave. It was no surprise to either of them that adjustments were needed, time to adapt to the new environment with one another, so it wasn’t difficult for them to make amends; to understand the other’s reasoning or frustrations. 

Now, as she approached him from behind, standing in the door frame of the door they left open to let in the fresh air with the cross-breeze of open windows, she recognized he’d come a long way. His limp was still prominent but improving, along with his demeanor. Jyn hoped he was happier, his general melancholy state was never easy to witness. Thankfully, she was able to listen to his recordings sent by his therapist and had learned coping mechanisms and methods to keep on track and she was able to de-escalate arguments started by projection or deflection -- which they were both guilty of -- and he started to do the same. Their communication improved and so their arguments decreased. 

“I can’t figure out this note,” he said, without looking behind him. 

She stepped down to sit next to him and looked at the ‘pad then at where his fingers were placed. Although she couldn’t read music, she was determined to help beyond verbal support. “Can I see that for a second?”

When he nodded, she took the ‘pad and asked him which note he was having trouble with before searching a picture of it. Then she got in front of him, crouching between his knees, and compared the hand positions before, finally, she used her free hand to move his fingers in the right places on the strings. One last check between the two and she nodded once. 

He strummed the strings and, to her, the note sounded beautiful. 

“Was that it?” she asked, her fingers still against his and he nodded, smiling at her. 

“Guess I could have thought of that.” 

“Nah, I feel like I just cheated. You were doing it just fine…” 

Cassian shook his head and searched her gaze. “No, that was… thank you.” 

Finally she dropped her fingers from his and held her hands in her lap. “I just got a message to transmit, I’ve already decoded it and transferred it.” she said and got up to move the pot to signal Adhira and Sai. “I was thinking about starting dinner…”

“Sounds good. I’ll help-”

“Keep practicing, you can help later,” she said and smiled. 

He arched a brow and winked one eye closed against the glare of the sun so he could see her from where she towered above him. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll just be prepping everything first.” Jyn looked out over their ‘yard’ and smiled a bit before the tree in the distance caught her eye. She’d noticed it immediately with it’s large leaves, bigger than her head, and broad branches, but they hadn’t made much time for exploring yet; getting used to the system for the transmissions. “I think we should hike there,” she said and when he tried to look around her and couldn’t see what she was talking about, she pointed and he stood up to stand next to her. 

“The tree? Why?”

“It just… looks like a good tree, don’t you think?” This time she had to squint with her hand held just above her eyebrows, against the sun, to meet his gaze which was now narrowed in amusement.

A small smile, though genuine enough to reveal his dimple, made it’s way onto his lips as he arched a brow at her. “‘It looks like… _a good tree_ ’…?”

“A good tree!” She exclaimed in unison with his echo. 

“That’s-” he huffed a laugh. “Yeah, okay. We can hike there.” 

She rolled her eyes and nudged him as she turned to walk back inside while he followed close on her heel. 

“Just out of curiosity, what constitutes a ‘good tree’?”

“Now you’re just making fun of me!”

“No, I’m not… come on. Tell me.” 

“Y’know like,” they got inside and she stopped in the kitchen, her arms crossed against her chest. She shrugged and leaned her hip against the counter before averting her gaze to the too-white floor. “Big leaves… thick branches that start low and are spaced just right to free climb and get to the top… a broad trunk. Old… shady… things like that.” 

“So, you want to climb it? Have a picnic under it…?”

“More or less… there’s just… something about a big, old tree that just makes me… feel...” she shimmied her upper body. “Good. I don’t know. Shut up.” 

“I didn’t say anything,” he exclaimed, amused but defensive. Cassian set his hallikset down on the dining table and joined her in the kitchen just as she turned around to start getting what was needed to make their dinner. When she avoided him, playfully petulant, he put his hands at her hips and turned her to face him. “You’re right. It’s a good tree. We’ll walk to it tomorrow and maybe have a meal there.” 

She pushed out her lower lip in a pout and dipped her chin despite looking up at him through her eyelashes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed and she had to practice self control to not jolt when she felt his thumbs start to move against her waist, gentle, tiny circles rubbed into the fabric of her soft, thin shirt. 

Jyn’s pout fell away, softening into a content smile which he mirrored while they tilted their heads; hers up and his down and to one side. He drew closer, his face coming closer to hers and she found herself leaning towards him, her lips parted as she inhaled deeply, in anticipation--

“Oh, well,” Sai remarked from the door followed by the sound of a slap. 

Adhira admonished her husband and tried to pull him back out the door but Cassian had already dropped his hands from her hips and took a miniscule step back from her. “That’s alright,” he said and Jyn looked back at him sharply, her eyebrows drawn together. “You responded quickly.” 

“We were already on our way,” Adhira informed regretfully, indicating to the chrono on the wall; it was their scheduled arrival. She looked to Jyn, who only moved away from the counter to get the datastick, and handed it over to Sai, who had his hand out to receive it. 

“Thank you,” Jyn said softly and smiled between the two. They nodded and excused themselves. 

When she looked back at Cassian, the moment was gone and he turned to start pulling out ingredients for their dinner while she entered behind him -- leaving plenty of space between them -- and started to pull out the utensils and dishes.

.  
.  
.

.

Jyn exited the refresher to the open section of the station where they had not only the mini office where they took the transmissions to the far wall but the dining room, kitchenette, and living room. Nervously, she sidled up to the couch where he was sitting with one arm spread out across the back of the sofa and one leg crossed over the other at the knee. Gravball was on the projector but he looked up at her the moment he realized she wasn’t going to take a seat. 

“Oh, wow,” he said with a smile. “I like it.” 

“Yeah?” She touched her fingertips to the fringe she just finished cutting; straight across bangs that covered her entire forehead, coming down just below her eyebrows, and feathered by the time her hair reached her temples, blending in with the rest of her hair, which she left down around her shoulders. Today was the one year anniversary of the destruction of the Death Star. Conflicting emotions of mourning and celebration urged her to the impulsive act but she found that she was grateful for it; she liked it and, it seemed, Cassian did too. So, not a mistake despite the idea’s origins.

“Yeah, Jyn. I like it a lot. The style looks really good on you.” 

She preened at the compliment, smiling but working her lower jaw with anxious energy. “Thanks.” 

Cassian turned off the projector and stood before walking -- his limp barely noticeable anymore -- over to the table where she missed that he had packed a basket while she was in the refresher, cutting and styling her hair. “I was thinking we could go for a walk today, to the tree and back?”

Not needing to be asked twice, Jyn nodded and went to pull on her boots. 

They made the walk often. Ever since she had pointed it out the first time and they had gone to see it, they fell in love with it. She made comments about it’s attributes, going so far as to compliment the tree’s egg-like shape while he just appreciated the view from below when they would lay under the branches and look up through the brown and green of it’s canopy leading to the blue and white far, far above it. It was their favorite spot and the walk helped with Cassian’s recovery. 

“Thought I would bring the hallikset,” Cassian mentioned, his inflection rising at the end and she looked over her shoulder while standing on one foot to pull a boot on. She lost her balance and had to slam her foot down and brace herself against the door frame before she would fall over. Once she was balanced again, Jyn nodded and started to wiggle her heel into the boot. 

“Yeah, that’s a great idea. I’ll carry the basket then.” 

He allowed it, knowing that she would ask to switch halfway there, and just smiled in response. 

They ate lunch and he played his favorite, recently perfected song, while she listened and laid down in the grass, basking in the sun as a slight breeze rustled all the foliage around them. When he finished, they just talked -- telling stories of their past. However, Jyn preferred to listen rather than tell her own story but only because, when Cassian was enthusiastic about something, he talked with his hands and it was incredibly endearing to her. 

He would make shapes with his hands, spread his arms out or make wide gestures to emphasize his point or illustrate more clearly the event or object. She couldn’t help but be enthralled, leaning closer and smiling all the while he spoke, her gaze alternating between shining, brown eyes, pink lips, and broad hands with idyllic fingers. 

When he ended his story, she caught herself chewing at the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth and she quickly released it when she did. If he noticed, he didn’t comment and she rubbed her palms on her thighs. He smiled and laid down next to her. After a minute she pointed up the mountain side not more than a couple meters from where they were under the tree. “You ever noticed that cave up there?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Are you feeling adventurous?” 

He groaned. “Jyn, I dunno…”

“Is it your back?”

“A little my back but, mostly, we don’t know what’s in there…”

“Aw, little tooka…” she crooned.

He rolled his head in the grass to glare at her, without any real heat, and she smiled broad and mischievous. Eventually, after losing an unofficial staring contest, Cassian sighed and relented. “Why are you like this?”

Jyn almost made a joke about not getting enough attention when she was a kid but that felt entirely too real since it applied to him as well. Instead, she just shrugged and rolled onto her feet before bending over to give Cassian a hand. He stood up like an old man, one hand in hers, the other braced against his back, and a wince on his face. 

She paused, looking at him worriedly. “We don’t have to go.”

“Don’t coddle me now, Jyn. Let’s go.” 

She just rolled her eyes and they both headed up the incline to the cave entrance which turned out to be a concave section in the mountain side - the depth barely big enough to lay Cassian down twice in a row but enough for a nice fire at the mouth and two people to sleep cozily, if needed. Although it was underwhelming, as Jyn remarked to Cassian’s agreement, what caught their attention was cave drawings and some writing in a language neither of them recognized. The markings covered the walls and ceilings of the entire cave, not one place was untouched by white paint and stone etches. They both started at opposite ends of the large indent, looking over everything, trying to find a pattern or story, and neither noticed that the sky grew dark outside. Rather abruptly. 

It wasn’t until there was a sharp, sudden flash of light followed by a reverberating thunder that they realized something was amiss and they had lost all track of time. 

Laughing together, a genuine sound from Cassian that Jyn wasn’t sure she’d heard before other than in the form of an amused exhale, they started to walk as quickly as possible down the mountainside without slipping on the loose rocks that tumbled around their feet with each step. Another crack of thunder spurred them faster. Halfway down, the skies opened up and drenched them in a matter of seconds and they laughed again, Jyn hunching her shoulders and ducking her head. Once they got to the bottom, Cassian’s hand found hers and they started jogging back towards the tree to get their picnic back. Already wet ground squished under their boots, rain and mud splashing up around their ankles. 

“Oh, Cassian! Your hallikset!”

“It’ll be okay,” he shouted over the downpour. 

They got to the tree and found shelter. In fact, nothing under the thick branches was more than a little damp, the hallikset only covered in a thin layer of mist droplets. The bread, however, was ruined -- she held it up for Cassian to see and he smiled with a dismissive shrug; _oops, oh well_.

Together, they packed the basket but then the wind shifted and it seemed to rain, somehow, harder than before only at a slant and Jyn shuffled away from getting wet again and bumped into Cassian, who wrapped his arms around her to support her. 

Jyn turned in his arms and looked up at him. His hair was plastered to his head, water sluicing down his temples and into his stubble - some dripping off his nose while other droplets gathered at his long eyelashes. A single droplet trickled down the side of her nose and tickled her upper lip but she caught it with a flick of her tongue before it reached her bottom lip; not missing the way that his dark gaze lingered on her lips thereafter. He kept one arm around her waist, his palm pressing into the small of her back, and shuffled a step closer just as thunder rumbled -- making her feel a chill run down her spine -- but then he lifted his other hand to brush her new bangs away from her eyes, where they had tickled her eyelids every time she blinked. She realized she must look silly with her new hair cut all plastered down but Cassian only had two places his gaze fell and warmth spread through her body like drinking hot tea on a cold day. 

His name was on the tip of her tongue, her hands itching to reach for him, touch his chest, but she didn’t dare move or say anything to shatter the moment again. 

Cassian’s touch never fell away from her skin after moving her bangs aside for her, fingertips gracing along her temple and down to her cheek where he rested his palm against her jaw, his thumb tracing the shape of her lower lip. Her lips parted on instinct but her breath shuddered with expectation. With excitement. She lifted her chin as he dipped his and they met in the middle. 

The prickliness of his beard in contrast with his soft lips made the kiss all the more real and perfect. She smiled into it and so desperately wanted to deepen it; yank the front of his shirt in her hands and make sure he never stepped away from this moment. 

But, despite her urges, the kiss was kept soft and chaste. A test of the waters. Although mildly timid, it was all so exhilarating. The storm also seemed to appreciate the moment, as lightning flashed and illuminated them just as they pulled away so she could see his expression; look into his eyes. He mirrored her and by the time the lightning had passed, echoed by the deepest, closest rumble yet, they seemed to find the answers to their unspoken questions. 

Grabbing their items, they rushed back to the house, hardly laughing anymore but that didn’t stop the excitement, the thrill, nor remove the smiles from their faces. They got inside and Jyn pushed Cassian’s brown jacket off his shoulders then shed her own jacket, draping them over the back of the couch, now diveted and worn. As soon as she had done that, Cassian closed the distance between them, his arms going around her waist and lifting her slightly, she got up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing back as their lips met again, roughly this time. 

He backed them up towards the hall, Jyn walking backwards on her toes while he shuffled his feet between hers, trying to guide them without bumping her into anything. It was like a trust exercise but all Jyn could think about was the satisfying, perfect noises he made in the back of his throat, their breath equally shallow and harsh against one another’s faces while they moved their lips and shifted their grips. 

“Mm, Cass- Cassian…” she murmured when he got impatient with their travels and pressed her against the wall, his knee braced between her thighs to lock her in place, his thigh angled just right for her to just about lose her mind. His lips were on her neck, still wet from rain, but the warmth of his mouth contrasted with the cold water, and she got chills that had her squirming against his leg and pulling him closer. 

Jyn pressed her palm against him, feeling just how aroused he was getting, and she turned her head against his, butting her cheek against the side of his head. “Cassian,” she urged and he nodded a little only to let out a keening sound when she gave him a teasing squeeze. 

“Jyn,” he echoed in the same tone and they laughed breathily against one another before she ordered him to ‘move’, pushing on his chest to get him out of the hall and into his room, which was closer by just two steps. 

They stripped all the way to his bed, barely making it there with so much as their socks on and Jyn had Cassian lie on his back so she could crawl on top, a delighted, hungry smile on her lips while she looked down at him and he squirmed, breathing heavily under her. His hands traveled up her damp, cool skin from her calves all the way up to her breasts then under her arms to her back so he could pull her closer and she brought herself all the way down to kiss him until her lips tingled.

.  
.  
.

.

The next morning, Jyn woke to a weight on her chest and a tickle under her nose. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled at the discovery of the origins of the weight on her chest, Cassian’s head resting on her bosom like a pillow, tucked under her chin, his hair mused and fluffy from rain and sex; tickling her nose. While she was laid on the right side of the bed, near the edge, he was on her left side; snuggled close with the full expanse of the bed behind him. Her smile grew until he cheeks hurt then she slowly brought her arms up around his head, her left hand petting his hair near his left temple and her right hand cradling the back of his neck. Occasionally, she shifted her right thumb just enough she could rub against the outside of his ear and each time he would cuddle closer, tightening his embrace around her, and a contented sigh exhaled slowly through his nose.

She inhaled deeply and blinked while playing with his soft hair through her fingers; her blunt fingernails scratching lightly at his scalp. Sated from last night but also feeling happy with life, the morning as perfect as last night had been. Jyn felt like she could keep him happy too; protect him from all the hurtful things in the galaxy. This was their home, their bubble, and it just became that much more warm, safe, and blissful. 

Cassian shifted against her and made a complacent humming sound before placing a chaste kiss to the top of her right breast, where the side of his nose had been a moment ago. “Morning…” 

“Morning…” she echoed, smiling as she dipped her chin to meet his gaze while he pulled his head up from it’s resting place on her chest to smile back. 

“That was some adventure last night…”

Snickering, Jyn nodded and kissed the bridge of his nose with a brief pursing of her lips. The adventure was just the beginning. This was their new chapter and she never felt more confident or brave than she did right now. This was the life she had been fighting for and now it was within her grasp, just as Cassian was, and it was… 

just the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Comments? 
> 
> You guys... I am SO excited to post the next chapter.


	12. 4 ABY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: graphic depictions of violence. See endnotes for more details.
> 
> Thank you to @incognitajones and @asunachinadoll for looking over this chapter and pointing out the biggest flaws to make this chapter (the brainchild that started this whole adventure) something I could really be happy with. 
> 
> **Two more things...**
> 
> 1) Just, for those of you who don't know, in the SW universe, 1 year is 10 months. Each month is 7 weeks. Each week is 5 days. Then there are "bonus" days and weeks for holidays. 
> 
> 2) This and the next chapter are what STARTED this whole big fic. I had this idea and I had to build around it so, needless to say, I am THRILLED to be able to post this and chapter 13. So, please enjoy

It had been four months since she left the station while it burned to the ground and three hundred fifteen days since Cassian had been declared killed in action. 

And it was time to return to the rebellion. 

Jyn walked out of the front door of her childhood home and was met with a strong gust of wind. She blinked rapidly against the wind blowing, which blew her bangs into her face, and pushed her hair behind her ear. The wind died down and she was finally able to gaze out at the fields that had been grown by her father. 

Crops, planted by her parents over a decade ago, had grown wild in their absence but she had since gotten it under control again with the help of SE-2, the poor droid left behind when the man in white had come eighteen years ago. He had been a little less than sociable at first, having been abandoned, but he warmed up to her again soon enough. They cleaned up the house and reset the crops, harvesting what needed harvested. Coming back to Lah’mu felt like the right thing to do in the wake of destroying the station. It had been calling to her for years and she needed the closure. 

Now that was done. Almost.

Taking a sip of her afternoon caf - which she no longer topped off with alcohol - Jyn looked behind her, down the path to the cave; to the secret hatch. She had yet to go to it, in all the four months, but if she was to leave to rejoin with the others again, it was the final thing she had to do. It was time to face her fear, find catharsis, and go home. 

She inhaled deeply, the fresh salt water of the ocean and the clean, earthy smell of the farm then went back inside to get her jacket, Cassian’s brown one. It wasn’t cold enough for the parka. At the same time as she lifted the jacket off the back of the chair, she set her mug down on the table in the middle of the room, next to Stormie, her childhood toy she found in the fields. She should have burned it, for being what it was, but there was something nostalgic, sentimental, about it. 

As she had the toy, she had cleaned up the inside of the house. It had been ransacked after that day; clothes, food, dishes, even some datapads were all torn from their places like guts spilled out onto the floor. Now they were cleaned up, the surfaces wiped down, and electronics returned back to normal after some tinkering. For all intents and purposes, it was a home again. 

Although she hadn’t been expecting much when she arrived with Adhira and Sai, even believing that it would be burned to the ground, she was more than a little surprised to see it was still standing. Something told her to stay and she was glad she had. 

Jyn checked on the soup she was making and put the boiler on a lower heat so it could simmer while she went on her hike and turned to her droid. “Essie, do me a favor and watch the soup -- make sure it doesn’t burn the house down?”

Essie nodded and gave her a thumbs up and Jyn patted his shoulder while still putting her arm through the sleeve of the brown jacket. “I’ll be back soon.” 

The droid whirred and Jyn paused to smile reassuringly. “ I promise, I’ll be back. I’m taking you with me back to the fleet.” 

After a moment of hesitation, Essie, with all his separation anxiety, seemed to accept her words and nodded again, letting Jyn go without protest. 

As she walked down the path, something surreal she never thought she’d do in real life again, she started checking off everything she would have to do before Adhira and Sai came to pick her up again for the last time. She had sent the livestock, her and Cassian’s table, and word to Mothma with her intentions back with her partners, to take with them to the fleet, after they dropped her off four months ago. The livestock likely couldn’t handle being settled in another home only to be uprooted a second time and she couldn’t let them run wild, they were too domesticated and would have died. The table she missed terribly but requested that it be put somewhere safe because she didn’t know what to expect out here and it would devastate her if she let it get damaged. As for her message to Mothma; Jyn had advised that she intended to come back to the Rebellion but she needed some time away to complete some unfinished business. She went so far as to tell Mothma she could consider this her ‘reward’ for the bargain they struck four years ago when she was picked up from Wobani. She just needed a couple of months. A sabbatical of sorts. Time to heal without having to work and fear an enemy, time to be herself and learn what that meant as the woman she’d become since, well, Jedha. 

Without Cassian. 

Her family was with the Rebellion, with or without him. Her family was Shara and Kes, their little boy, Poe -- who was already two by her count -- Leia, Han, Luke, and Chewie. Even Mon Mothma and Draven, in a way. She hadn’t heard from any of them since Hoth but they were scrambling for purchase after the defeat and she didn’t blame them one bit. In fact, she had been grateful for the radio silence for a while. Now it was too quiet and she was becoming eager to return. She still didn’t know the casualty list and hoped she wouldn’t recognize any of the names when she did get it. 

Four months was long enough to figure out that her family was bigger than she ever could have imagined and she needed to rejoin them. She needed to say goodbye to the childhood she never got to fully enjoy and face her last fear before she moved on. One year was long enough to learn to live without Cassian...

It wasn’t but she could get out of bed and see the light again. 

She got to the mouth of the cave and stopped, her toes the only thing no longer cast in sunlight, swallowed by the dark of the cave. Her chest felt too tight all of a sudden and she zeroed in on the hatch, already hearing the creaking hinge in her mind. For some reason she thought of doctor Myraah, how she had said the mind will lock up when faced with a terrifying obstacle and suddenly your feet will no longer go ahead nor backward; frozen in fear. Racking her mind for motivation, for something to give her the extra push, she closed her eyes and-- 

_Move!_

Cassian’s voice. So clear and so real she nearly turned around to look but that very thought made her realize she could move her feet again. How many times had he said that to her, to get her to listen when she was being stubborn? Of course it had to be that command, his voice, and she was inside the cave, still walking towards the hatch. 

Swallowing thickly, Jyn squeezed her fingers into a fist, playing with her own fingers, then she stuck her fingers into the hold and lifted. _And lifted._

It wouldn’t budge. 

She put both of her hands under the lip and pulled with all her height and strength, using her legs to push up as well but nothing. Jyn finally let go and let out a huff of exertion, kicking at the side of the false rock with the side of her foot. 

“Ow…” 

Jyn looked around, her hands on her hips, and looked for something to leverage it. Truthfully, she could let it go, take it as a sign that it wasn’t meant to be, but she found herself demanding her cathartic experience. 

“Give me my peace, I earned it!” She yelled at the hatch and tried one more time to lift it up. 

When it didn't work she puffed out her cheeks and pivoted on her heel to march outside the cave in search of what she needed, something to leverage. She found a stick outside, snatched it up, and walked back into the cave to shove the stick under the ledge this time, instead of her fingers, and pushed down with all her might. With all her weight on the stick, the hatch finally cracked open and she nearly fell on her face. As she wiped her palms off on her brown pants, she stared at the hatch and her sense of accomplishment rushed away, morphing into anxiety again. 

She made it halfway down the ladder she got the most horrifying feeling that the hatch would shut behind her and she would be locked in forever but she tried to be more rational than that. 

“Nope, no…” Jyn climbed back out rapidly and scrambled back onto the cave stone, above the bunker. Her chest was heaving and she kept glaring at the hatch for being so evil. For haunting her so long. 

Jyn got behind it and beat the hinges off. Once the hatch was unstable, she shoved it off so that it laid on the ground, far away from the opening in the ground. Satisfied she wasn’t going to be buried alive, Jyn got back on the ladder and climbed down. She just had to see it, maybe stay there for five seconds, and then get back out. That would be enough.

Surely. 

As soon as her right foot hit the ground, she started to count down from five but she bumped something with her other foot and stopped. When she saw the lantern, her brows furrowed and she frowned while scooping it up with both her hands, holding it in front of her face. She knew it wouldn’t turn on again, that would be impossible, but the memory still hit like a snowball to the face. Cold and stinging. Slowly, she lowered it again and swallowed thickly as she looked all around her, at the shelves and supplies that were still down in the pit, untouched; preserved like a capsule. 

Her heart rate returned to normal and she found that she could shuffle forward and pick some things off the shelf to look at. A lot of it she had either forgotten or never knew about in the first place, a terrified eight year old just fixated on the light. Physically sick to her stomach, unwilling or unable to eat or drink from the shock of watching so much unfold; fearful and exhausted but incapable of sleeping. 

She lost track of time inside the hole, a place she never thought she wanted to go again, and when she breached the surface of the hole, climbing off the ladder, she realized it wasn’t that bad anymore. It was evening now, becoming dark but not yet dusk. She’d spent hours inside just exploring the items and remembering those awful feelings, acknowledging them like Cassian’s therapist had taught them, and letting them go like leaves tossed into the wind. When she emerged from the cave, she felt renewed, and when she closed her eyes against the fresh air off the surrounding, grass covered hills, she felt free. 

It was time to say goodbye to everything holding her back. She might not be able to go to the bunker Saw left her behind in but the cave was cleansing enough that she could say goodbye to that just by thinking it. Her last goodbye was Cassian. 

Jyn opened her eyes and felt her heart clench. Could she do that again? 

_Jyn and Cassian stood in the grass outside of their house, Draven further away near the ramp of his two person shuttle, watching. Although Jyn had wanted to go with him on this mission, she was told it would be more dangerous together than if they were alone. It was mere months after their one year anniversary and now they were being torn apart._

_“Since when is it ever a good idea for the two of us to be apart? We’re stronger together,” she reminded him and he exhaled softly._

_“I know… but I spent years working on this identity, if I come with someone else… it’ll raise alarm. Not only will we not get the intel but it could go bad for other reasons,” he replied, implying there were worse fates than death._

_"It's been years. You're telling me this cover really couldn't have gotten a business partner by then?"_

_With an amused but somewhat chiding expression, Cassian dipped his chin to meet her gaze firmly. Unwavering._

_She sniffed just as a breeze brushed between them, blowing his hair into his eyes, and it made her smile fondly as she lifted her hand to brush his dark hair to sweep across his brow again. “Can you at least tell me where you’re going?” she whispered._

_Cassian moved forward and hugged her so that her cheek was flush against his neck and she felt him duck his head a moment later, his nose against her shoulder, and his hand tangled in her hair that cascaded around her shoulders. His silence spoke volumes._

_“What if something happens to you?” Her voice shook, to the point of embarrassment if anyone other than Cassian had heard._

_“We'll see each other again,” he promised, his breath warm against her skin, his eyelashes tickling her jaw._

_“You can’t promise things like that.” Jyn pulled back to settle him with a firm look._

_He nodded, smiling a bit. “‘Course I can…” he told her softly and cupped her cheeks in his hands, which she leaned into and kissed the edge of his right palm. “No matter what happens, Jyn, I’ll always be with you.”_

_'I'm one with the force, the force is with me'_

_'Trust the force'_

_Unable to suppress her smile at his almost saccharine assurance, Jyn nodded and moved to kiss him again, deep and passionate. ‘I love you’ was on the tip of her tongue but saying it now, when their future was so unsure, seemed like a goodbye she wasn’t ready to say. He was coming back, he had to be._

_Cassian, thankfully, seemed to feel the same way because when they broke apart, all he did was grip the sides of her head carefully and kissed her forehead, lingering and sweet. He stepped away, his hands sliding down her neck to her shoulders and down her arms, and she extended her arm to make the touch last longer, both of them catching the other’s hand at the last moment and holding on until their fingertips could no longer reach with the distance he put between them._

_“I’ll be back before you know it,” he told her before finally turning his back on her to walk onto the ship with Draven; the creaky ramp whining behind them and ending with a slam that made her heart ache._

_‘I love you’ swelled in her throat, begging to be released as she said it over and over again in her mind, willing him to feel it through the force. Through this bond they had forged over the last three years. It wasn’t that it had never been said before but saying it now felt too scary. He would come back and she would say it a million times against every part of his body. She would speak it against his lips and scream it in bed until her voice was raw. She would climb to the tallest mountain in their valley and shout it from the top for every creature, sentient or not, to hear and know as truly as she felt it in her heart._

_He would come back._

The last time she had said goodbye, she didn’t realize it was going to be permanent. This time she would be acknowledging that it was and that it had to be.

Jyn wiped at her cheek with the heel of her palm and wrapped her fingers around her kyber crystal before closing her eyes against the breeze cutting through the maze of rolling hills and mountain inclines. “I love you so much,” she said into the air, letting it carry her words away and up into the sky, to the stars if it could. 

She hoped that her mother and Chirrut were right -- she hoped _Cassian_ was right -- and that the force was with her and, with the force, the souls of those she lost. 

Exhaling sharply, releasing all the pain in a single exhale that she could see as steam in front of her face, Jyn shoved her hands in her pockets and headed back to the house. She would start packing again and wait for the scheduled arrival of Adhira and Sai, taking Essie with her to rejoin the fleet and finish what she started. 

The door slid from left to right, into the wall, with a hiss and Jyn started to greet Essie preemptively; “sorry, I know I too--” 

A woman with dark skin and long, dark hair, sat on the counter with a bowl of soup, blowing on a spoonful that she had hovering over her portion. Completely nonchalant; she didn’t so much as look at her. 

Instantly, Jyn reached for her blaster in her thigh holster, taking one glance at Essie, who was face down on the floor, and aimed it at the woman. Jyn stepped over the threshold, her lips parting to demand who she was but someone moved to intercept her from behind the door frame and knocked her blaster from her hands. She instinctively dodged the hands coming her way, leaning her upper body back then taking a step to the side. The space she created by doing so gave her room to twist her upper body and she elbowed the light-blue twi’lek in the side of her face before leaning back to kick her in the chest and far away from her. 

A blaster primed behind her and Jyn spun around and slammed her palm against the outside of the blaster side then slammed it upwards as she deftly slipped her fingers against the release on the heat sink of the weapon, deactivating it. As soon as it was, the trigger still clicking as the assailant tried to use the blaster anyway, Jyn struck the side of her hand against the man’s throat, bring him to his knees. The blaster clattered, useless, on the floor. She immediately grabbed the sides of his head and twisted, snapping his neck. 

As she pivoted on her heel to face anyone else remaining, a third assailant attacked and she blocked the first punch but missed a strike to her temple with the butt of a rifle. 

With a cry of pain, she went careening to the floor but immediately scrambled on her hands and knees to get to the table, where her, now, cold cup of caf was. Just as she reached it, two hands grabbed her at her ankles and tried to yank her backwards but she gripped the leg of the table, scraping it against the floor and knocking the cup over. Caf spilled everywhere. While holding onto the leg of the table, Jyn kicked away from the hands gripping her ankles and managed to surge forward, using her arms to pull and legs to push. She wrapped her fingers around the hidden blade taped beneath the round, three person table and, as they yanked her again, she twisted to slide on her butt and used the momentum to sit up and arc her blade against her attacker.

The assailant, a man with dirty blond hair and bright blue eyes, staggered back with a scream of agony. Her vibroblade had sliced through his face from his right jaw, up his cheek, under his eye, and across the bridge of his nose. He staggered back and fell against the counter, knocking the pot of soup off the ledge to spill and land all over the floor and Essie. 

Just as Jyn was starting to get up, the twi’lek slammed her boot against the side of her face and she went sprawling to the floor again, her palms slapping against the floor, and her vibroblade clattering away. She lunged for it but a fourth attacker, a bothan, slammed the heel of his boot against her left knuckles and she let out a hoarse cry of pain, dragging her knees up to her chest as she pushed on his ankle frantically. 

She heard hurried footsteps from her left and barely looked in time to see another boot coming her way, a swift kick to her face and she heard a crack before it felt like her face exploded. Blood gushed out from her nose and she writhed on the floor, in pain and helpless to defend herself. While she was blind with rage and hurt, another kick landed to her chest and she coughed out a breath before choking back another shout of pain. 

“Enough,” a feminine voice snapped but neither of the pairs of boots stepped away from her until another pair walked up and shoved the kicker out of the way forcefully, another set coming up behind her. Jyn looked up in time to see the woman with long hair -- dreadlocks and tiny, blue-green braids weaved into otherwise silky, wavy hair -- glare at the bothan and order him to back down. 

The twi’lek walked up behind the other woman and looked down at Jyn with an amused expression.

“What did I karking say?” the long-haired woman yelled and looked between the other three. “I said _covert_.” She looked to the twi’lek woman, whose smug grin finally fell. “I said _quiet_.” She glared at the blonde human, who glared back. “And I said _quick_!” she rebuked and landed her dark gaze on the bothan. The woman waved her arms around then indicated to Jyn, who was still belly down on the floor, her wounded hand now clutched to her chest. Then she swept one arm in the direction of the body by the door. “Does this look like any of that to you?!”

Jyn clenched her jaw but then the woman crouched next to her and held up a stun baton in her face, activating it so Jyn had to close her eyes to keep the sparks from flying into her corneas. Then, before she opened her eyes again, she felt two, small but strong hands on her, lifting her to sit up. 

“Let me see,” the woman requested and indicated to Jyn’s hands that she still had clasped to her chest. When she didn’t acquiesce, the woman rolled her eyes. “Let’s just see you wiggle those little guys, huh?”

Only because she was curious too, Jyn flexed her left hand and felt as they all bent and extended fully. 

“Great, that’s good,” the woman said and handed the twi’lek the stun baton before, without warning, she grabbed Jyn’s nose between her fingers and, with a crack and a crunch, reset the cartilage. 

She cried out and tried to pull away but her back was to the table leg and she had nowhere to go with her legs trapped under the other woman’s body. “ _Tooska chai mani_!!” she cursed instead. 

While three of them laughed, the blonde only continued to glare, holding one of her scarves, now stained in his blood, to his face. 

“Ruin my good work,” he grumbled and although the leader seemed to ignore him, Jyn rolled her eyes up to glare back, her upper lip in a snarl while she started to suck a ball of spit and blood clots in her mouth. Red stained everything from under her nose down to her chin; some of it splattered up her cheek. 

“You’ll have a bit of a bump in your nose there, sweetheart, but you should be okay to breathe. Do you mind telling us where we can find your medkit for my inconsiderate companion here?”

Jyn kept her lips sealed and turned her glare on the thin woman in front of her. 

“Where is it?!” The man thundered, coming closer and dropping the scarf so Jyn could see all of her handiwork in slicing his face nearly in half. 

She spat the blood clot at his face, getting him nearly between the eyes. He let out a roar of anger and lifted his hand to strike her but the twi’lek intercepted him with a scuffle and the leader stood to block his view of Jyn. The twi’lek tossed the baton to the bothan, who caught it without really watching it glide through the air, and kept his eyes on her. Jyn clenched her jaw and shot him wry, challenging grin, one eyebrow arched. 

“Cuff her and let’s get out of here. You can get supplies at the ship--”

“Are you out of your damn mind? I’d sooner rip this place apart myself until I find it!”

The woman grabbed the front of his shirt and got in his face, their noses nearly touching. “You heard Tatasciore, the price on her head is too high for there to be only one hunter on this. Her puck is in the hand of every hunter for three systems, maybe more, do you really want to be here when the next group finds this place?”

They stared at one another and, eventually, the man backed down only to glare at Jyn when the woman turned to whisper something to the twi’lek, who nodded. She started the approach and Jyn prepared to fight one last time only for the baton to connect with the soft part of her neck and her whole body went stiff as she listed to one side and landed on her shoulder. Jyn was still catching her breath when the twi’lek slapped the binders on her wrists and stepped back to let the bothan grab her and sling her over his shoulder to carry out of her house, stepping over the body of the man she killed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Jyn kills a man by snapping his neck and she just about slices another one’s face in half (no gruesome depictions but--.). If you don’t want to read the fight scene here’s a map for when to stop reading: _after the flashback scene there’s about three more sections about how she feels now. Stop reading around the time she says she’s going to get Essie and rejoin the fleet_ Like, literally stop. It’s nothing but violence (not all is brutal, its all very canon-typical) after that and then the chapter ends. 
> 
> **I normally don't do cliffhangers but I couldn't help it! _Also, this chapter and next was originally one but it just got SO long that I had to split it, sorry._ More to come and thank you for coming on this journey with me. I hope it’s as fun/interesting to you to read as it has been for me to write**
> 
> Please share your thoughts with me. I value them (and you) greatly!


	13. 4 ABY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you to incognitajones and asunachinadoll for reading this and giving feedback on what didn’t _quite_ work!
> 
>  **Another CW:** canon-typical violence once again but a little more serious warning in the end notes!

The team of bounty hunters walked the whole way to the beach from the house, leaving their fallen comrade behind. While the blonde held her blood soaked scarf to his face the entire time, within her line of sight, the two women walked in the front, silent. Jyn had two dozen questions but she kept quiet until they reached the shore, where they put her in a water skimmer. 

It wasn’t large, just barely big enough to fit a total of six people, the edges only coming up to about mid thigh. It was an awkward, oblong shape; narrow and aerodynamic but with no wings or tails for balance. 

While the twi’lek woman got in the pilot seat, the bothan set Jyn down on the floor of the skimmer, her back against the ledge and bound hands resting in her lap. The blonde sat directly across from her and she leaned her head back, annoyed. He finally discarded her ruined scarf, tossing it on the sand outside the skimmer, and unsheathed a blade of his own. He twirled it in front of her. Playing with the sharp tip. Taunting her. 

The skimmer lurched forward and they left the beach and into the choppy, black waters of the ocean. 

Frankly, the ocean terrified her. She wasn’t all that good at swimming in the first place but worse was the stories her father told her to keep her away from the water when she was a child. Stories, now, she realized were just tales to scare her away from ever being tempted to go in alone, but even now, as an adult, looking at the endless depths, she feared what could lurk down below. 

“Why do we need to go by water,” she asked the leader, who crouched in front of her to humor her. 

“We hid our ship far off. We weren’t sure what to expect…”

“Seems we played it too safe,” the bothan said, sitting at the back of the boat on a bench, a rifle balanced across his thighs. 

The leader, whose eyes were so dark she couldn’t tell where her iris stopped and pupil began, just gave Jyn a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll be there soon enough.” 

“Who hired you?”

She just patted Jyn’s knee and went to talk with the pilot and left Jyn to stare at the man across from her, who looked at her like she was a three course meal and he was starved. Jyn tested the strength of the binders. 

While she thought of methods of escape, trying to project the timing of future events with what she could do to hinder or stop them completely -- even just leave a clue behind for Adhira and Sai to find when they came in a day to pick her up -- the leader stood up abruptly and looked behind them. Jyn shook her hair out of her face, as the rapid wind of the traveling skimmer blew it into her eyes, and tried to see what had alarmed the unshakable woman. 

“How long has that been following us?” she asked the bothan and the blonde. 

The blonde finally stood up and shook his head. “I hadn’t noticed…” 

“Hadn’t-” the woman growled and, for a moment, Jyn thought she might kill the man but the bothan also seemed surprised to see it and shook his head. 

Curious, Jyn stood, using her elbow to push off the short wall of the skimmer, and looked between their shoulders to see there was another skimmer in tow. The following group had a larger skimmer with two wings that had bulbous tips which bounced off the waves, a sail on the back that glimmered like stardust on a translucent plane. She swallowed and looked behind her, at the twi’lek, who was still racing to get them to their ship, when she looked back the leader had taken the bothan’s rifle and used the scope to check out the competition. 

“There’s only three of them,” she announced. 

The blonde stepped away from the other two, looking at Jyn instead, and she took a step back. 

“I can make the shot,” the bothan assured. 

Jyn kept staring at the other man, debating on bringing attention to the situation, she braced herself for a fight; her hands lifted in preparation to defend herself. A smirk sliding onto her lips as she quirked her brow and rolled her lower lip between her teeth. 

Although she handed the bothan his rifle back, she shook her head. “We’ll wait, see what they do...”

“Eye for an eye,” the blonde said darkly, his voice quiet. 

He lunged at her and she threw herself to the side to dodge his attack. 

“Cullen, stop!” The twi’lek shouted, turning in her seat to watch the fight. 

Her attacker, Cullen, ignored her and instead slammed his weight against Jyn, pinning her to the floor of the skimmer. 

She writhed on the ground, kicking her legs and trying to slam her elbow into his face but he got on top of her and raised the blade he had been playing with. The steel glinted in the sun and Jyn almost went cross eyed staring up at it with wide eyes.

“Cullen!” The leader grabbed him but he lashed out at her and she had to lean back or suffer a similar fate as Cullen’s face. 

Finally, with his weight slightly lifted off her in the shuffle between him and the other woman, Jyn got her leg under him and brought her knee up between his thighs. He shouted in pain and she slid out from under him. Just as she was making long strides to get to the other side of the ship, to put distance between them, he grabbed her ankle. The skimmer lurched and she lost all semblance of balance, her choked momentum sending her flying head over heels into the water. 

Surrounded by black, chilled to the bone, Jyn rolled in the water unable to tell up from down. After a moment of just trying to float and let her body correct itself, she kicked her legs and breached the surface of the water, gasping for air. 

The skimmer had gone for another few meters before the twi’lek managed to stop. Now, the leader and the twi’lek were the only two she could see standing in the skimmer, Cullen and the bothan missing. 

“Port, port, port!” the leader shouted.

“Where is she?!”

“There! Go!” 

With her arms bound, Jyn struggled to keep her head above water and dipped under the waves for a moment, swallowing a mouthful of seawater. The vertigo from being so deep in the ocean and her father’s stories still lurking in her mind had Jyn panicking; she couldn’t get her heart rate down nor catch her breath. Panting and spitting out spurts of salt water, she kicked her legs frantically while wiggling her upper body to make up for being unable to tread water with her arms. 

“Jyn, come back this way, we’ll get you out!” The leader shouted and held out her hand for Jyn to come to. The skimmer neared, the twi’lek standing and steering at the same time, trying to make sure she was close but not too close. They were still well out of reach and Jyn could barely keep her head above water, so she decided to wait for help to come so she could focus on not drowning. She dipped under another wave and sputtered when she breached again. It was too hard to swim. 

_Help!_ On the tip of her tongue.

“Look out!” 

“Cullen!” 

Suddenly, Jyn was shoved under the surface of the water, a hand at the back of her neck and another on her head. All of Cullen’s weight was on top of her, keeping her under, and all Jyn could do was squirm and twist to try to get out from under him. She kicked with her legs and tried to turn enough to punch him in the gut, but he had the advantage and her panic and racing heart stole her breath faster than she could hold it. 

Above them, barely visible through the translucent green of the ocean water, she heard the shrill sounds of blaster fire, red and green lights illuminating the surface against the contrast of a darkening sky. 

Agony shot through her as if she herself had been shot. 

Pain radiating from her side had her screaming despite being under water, bubbles emanating from her lips and she contorted her body at an unnatural angle to try to get away from it. 

Then, abruptly, Cullen’s grip slackened around her neck, his weight lessening over her, and she was able to kick her legs and get out from under him. As she breached the water she tried to take in a desperate, needed breath but her long hair was in her face and created a seal around her lips. She couldn’t breathe in. Couldn't see. She coughed but then was swallowed by another wave and went under again. 

Her legs were tired, heavy, but she kicked hard, pumping her arms like a paddle, and she managed to breach the surface, this time tilting her head back so her hair slicked back with the momentum and flow of the water. As soon as her head was above water, she choked out the water and inhaled a raspy gasp of air that hurt her throat. She took a split second to put her hands at her side where it hurt and found there was a blade hilt sticking out. The moment of touching her side lost her to the waves and she went under the water again, her jacket weighing on her more. Another surge of desperation and she managed to get her head up, now using all her energy to stay above the waves; her arms pumping and legs kicking while she took in ragged breaths of air and looked around. 

Cullen was floating, face down, in the water next to her. His body slowly sinking into the depths, dragged under by the current she was so fervently fighting. Blaster fire was still being exchanged and, although the skimmer of those who took her from her house was smoking, the other skimmer was undamaged and coming up beside them. There was shouting on both sides but it was the twi’lek and leader who had to duck low and seek cover since the other skimmer had higher walls. 

Nearly hysterical and constantly losing her height on the waves, swallowing water and forcing her chin up, Jyn tried to move. She tried to swim away while still gulping in air and coughing out water from her burning lungs until someone grabbed the back of her jacket and plucked her out of the water, up and to her left with the forward momentum of a speeding skimmer. 

The ship never stopped or slowed down and soon the firing ceased and it was just her in a new skimmer, leaving the others behind on a burning, sinking ship. 

Jyn coughed as much as she could, retching at one point, and curled her legs up to her stomach. Once she caught her breath, which she had mercifully been permitted to do, she turned her gaze upward and blinked through the salty water in her eyes. She counted three new captors. Since they were still moving and no one was at the helm, she assumed the skimmer to be on auto pilot, and she blinked rapidly at them; a mandalorian with blue painted armor and a white, horned design on the breastplate and the front of his helmet, a HK assassin droid bigger than K-2 with red war paint accenting silver plating, and a man with black hair. 

“Rough day, girlie?” the man asked and smiled, his almond shaped eyes narrowing at the corners. 

She coughed, her body shaking, as she stared back at him. The salt water had washed away the blood from her face but she knew it still stained the collar of her tan shirt, her hair tangled into knots from all the commotion, her eyes bruised with dark circles from her broken nose and a vibroblade still sticking out of her side. She never felt so heavy and tired in her life. Everything hurt and she knew it showed. 

So, yeah. Rough karking day. 

All she managed was sharpening her gaze into a glare before the mandalorian grabbed the hilt of the blade and yanked it out and she let out a hoarse cry and leaned to the left as though it would help avoid the pain. Someone placed something soft and pliable between her jacket and her shirt, against the wound, and she hissed but let it happen as she opened her eyes to see the man with dark hair and a darker sense of humor crouched beside her, attempting to staunch the bleeding. 

She grimaced and, to distract herself, looked around. She could just barely see around the wall of their skimmer and, as the sun set behind the mountains ahead, she realized she didn’t recognize this part of Lah’mu. Still, it was familiar with the gritty, black sand that covered everything and the rocky terrain with grass in sparse patches throughout; not so different from the area surrounding her house. 

Not two seconds after she sighed and turned her attention back to the man trying to stop the bleeding in her side, one of the other two shoved a bag over her head. Her, already shackled, hands were yanked up over her head and fastened to, what she figured, was the side of the skimmer. The other man’s pressure against her wound persisted, the ache sharp and vivid. Although she was angry to be the target of two bounty hunter groups in less than an hour, she was exhausted. 

Instead of wanting to question and fight back, she slumped against the floor and just tried to breathe through the coughing and pain. If they wanted her so bad, fine. Adhira and Sai would find her.

.  
.  
.

.

“Bitch, wake up. Damn, how can you sleep in the middle of an abduction?” The dark haired man yanked her up to her feet, gripping her by her biceps and lifting in a sweeping motion. 

She woke up while in the process of being lifted, her head tilted back at an uncomfortable angle until she fully roused. Before she could get her bearings or remember that she had a bag over her head and that’s why she couldn’t see except for blurs of color and shadow, she was shoved off a step and stumbled onto gravel and loose dirt. Her legs felt boneless and she could barely keep to her feet but she was lifted back up by a mechanical hand, the droid. As soon as she felt the metal hand on her bicep she jerked away, as if she could really do something about her position. The action pulled at her blade wound she sustained by her ribs and she gasped and instantly submitted. 

“We should treat that,” the mandalorian said through their helmet. 

“We’ve got supplies on the ship,” the man said. 

They came to a sudden stop and Jyn nearly slipped, her feet going up from under her, but the droid supported her and she steadied herself; her shoulders hunched and head ducked. 

“Query: who are you?” the HK unit asked. 

A blaster shot off and she heard it hit the droid, a moment later it fell away from her side followed by the sound of it hitting the ground and she reached up to yank the hood off her head to see what was happening. The mandalorian attacked the unknown sentient, someone in all black wearing a mask and a tunic with a hood covering their head. The man, who had greeted her when she was pulled onto their ship, attempted to help fight the stranger, but Jyn ran up behind him and jumped on his back. 

She hooked her bound arms around his neck and pulled him down so they landed on their backs. Jyn grunted at the impact with his weight on top of her but she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled on her own arm so her forearm was pressed against his windpipe, cutting off his air supply. After a count of forty two seconds he went limp against her, his hands falling away from her arm, but she kept the pressure and added another twenty just to be sure. Then, she released him and deftly patted him down for weapons, finding a blade just as she heard a slice of flesh, a clang, and then another slice through flesh. 

Jyn looked over her shoulder to see the victor standing over the mandalorian, his helmet removed and a few millimeters from his head, which lay in a pool of blood, his throat slashed. 

The survivor, whose hood no longer covered their head but down to rest against their back, sheathed his blade and walked over to her. Jyn stood up abruptly, swinging her weapon out in front of herself, and caught their left palm with her stolen blade when they held their hands up in surrender; too close. They cursed in a language she recognized, but didn’t understand, and staggered back while looking at their offended hand. 

When they looked back up at her, Jyn swiped again and they backed away and shouted, “wait!”

This time they caught her arm, as she arced to slice, and disarmed her easily; since their wrists weren’t pinned together by binders. She still tried to fight back, bending at the waist to slam her shoulder into their chest but they seemed to predict her move and sidestepped, grabbed her bicep as she passed by and spun her around in a circle to sit her down on a rock. However, instead of going where she was guided, Jyn dropped sooner than that, to their surprise, and she shoved her legs between theirs’ and swiped to bring them down. They dropped beside her and she kicked her right leg up in the air and brought it back down with as much force as possible, her heel aiming for the center of their chest, but they caught her ankle with both hands. 

“Jyn, for kark’s sake, stop!” The voice sounded male, deep, although distorted through the mask; through a filter. Strained with exertion. 

She huffed indignantly and withdrew her leg to get on her feet in preparation of going on the offensive again and he stood too but put a few steps between them, already hurriedly pulling the mask off. 

Her breath left her lungs in a rush and she leaned her head back on her neck, flabbergasted. She couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t possible. She blinked rapidly at first then once more, hard, trying to clear her mind of such illusions, dreams. 

When she opened her eyes again he was still standing there, looking winded and just as tense as her. 

He was lean, more so than when she knew him. His dark hair was longer too, not kept at the usual, medium length but down to the top of his shoulders. His beard was thicker, darker, then when he kept it at a dark shadow. If he were a dream or even if he were a ghost, a revenant, would he not look the same as when he had died? Jyn didn’t dare blink or look away, lest he disappear. 

He was the most beautiful thing she’d seen in a long time. 

Swallowing against the sudden dizzy spell, Jyn tried to brace herself, her knees suddenly unsteady on solid ground. Although she couldn’t breathe through her nose from all the blood clots and scabs she wouldn’t be able to anyway; she couldn’t catch her breath even as she panted through barely parted lips. 

He swallowed thickly and held perfectly still, his brow as worried as the apprehension tightening the skin around his eyes. 

“Cassian…” she breathed and shook her head, slowly and minutely at first but then faster and more adamant as she processed what she was seeing. “But you…” she let out a watery sigh. 

“I’m here, Jyn.” 

Jyn started to shake her head again, her eyes glassy, but she stopped and lifted one foot in front of the other, approaching slowly. He remained perfectly still, like a statue, and she stopped just millimeters from touching his toes with hers, standing in his presence without moving just in case this was a vision and touching him would shatter it. She couldn’t bear it if he slipped through her fingers. 

She trembled before him. 

“Jyn…” he said softly, his adams apple bobbing. His breath warmed the chilled air, a puff of white mist wafting in the short distance between them. 

With a shuddering breath, Jyn finally found the courage to lift her hand and touched his cheekbone with her fingertips. 

He was warm, solid. Real. 

Spreading her touch to the full expanse of her palm against his cheek, she let out a sob of disbelief and he clenched his jaw, his gaze searching hers. After a moment, he leaned his face further into her hand and managed a half blink, as if he was just as afraid that the moment would pass and it would all be a dream; he didn't want to close his eyes.

“Is it really you?” she whispered, her voice shaking. 

Cassian nodded and brought his hand up to cover hers. 

Slowly, infantismally, Jyn rose on her toes and brought her lips almost to his, hesitating just shy of touching. While she dropped her bound hands away from his face in order to clutch at the front of his tunic, holding onto him for dear life, Cassian bumped his nose against the tip of hers in a test; a hesitant touch. She held her breath before they both closed that hairsbreadth space between their lips, her heart thundering in her chest. 

The moment their lips touched, her eyes finally closed and her eyebrows knitted together. She let out a little sound in the back of her throat as she shifted her angle to kiss him deeper, less chaste than her experimental brush of the lips. Her nose started to hurt again as he pressed back with equal enthusiasm and she had to pull away, not only to relieve the discomfort but to release the breath she had been holding, and really look at him. 

Jyn fell back on her heels and raised her hand to his face again, her eyes darting back and forth to the point of aching as she soaked him in. He felt real and that unmistakable look in his eyes, the one reserved only for her when they were alone or even when they weren't but he only had his attention on her anyway. Like she was who he had been waiting for all his life; a feeling that was more than mutual. It was him. He had to be. 

“ _Cassian_ ,” she said shakily, confirming. She released her air all at once and let out a sob, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

He nodded, his eyes wet, and this time they crashed together to kiss deeply, passionately, but when she tried to wrap her arms around him she was reminded that her wrists were still bound. 

“Cass,” she whined against his mouth and he nodded hurriedly. 

“Okay,” he said and they stepped apart so he could get the lockpick out of his boot. 

Holding her arms out, she was practically vibrating in place and she never hated binders more than she did in that moment. She was aching and heat was boiling in her abdomen with urgency and desire. 

“Hold still...” he murmured. 

“ _Hurry up_.” she replied impatiently, sniffling and unable to wipe the tears tickling and trickling down her face. 

The binders finally fell away from her raw wrists and she didn’t bother to so much as sigh in relief. Jyn threw her arms around his neck, momentarily ignoring the pulling pain in her side, and kissed him for the third time in as many minutes. 

The chilled wind off the ocean blew up around them and gave them reason to press closer than before. The sun set on their moment; orange bleeding into pink, fading into purple which blended into a twilight blue. She smiled against his lips. She forgot about her broken nose while they kissed, both of them breathing heavily against the other’s face, little sounds trapped between them, and she felt like she could implode with her joy and bliss. 

This kiss, deep and passionate, was no longer a question nor a confirmation.

It was a certainty. 

Her love was alive and this was as certain as the sun setting to her left would rise in the morning. He had come back, he was alive, they were together again. 

He broke the kiss only to hold her closer, his face turned into her neck and she could feel the flurry of kisses amongst heavy breathing against the skin of her neck and jaw. Jyn let out a watery, shaking sigh of relief and felt him sag against her as her hands found his scalp. She dragged her blunt fingernails against his head, through long locks of familiar, soft hair, and she found her cheeks were beginning to ache as she smiled through the kisses she returned in equal fervor; desperate, chaste kisses all over his face and neck. The two of them tilting their heads in tandem to get access to the right and left sides of one another. 

While she eventually leaned back, her hands sliding along the contour of his face to rest at his jaw and get a proper look at his perfect, real face, his hands slid up her sides. She didn't think anything of it, too enraptured in his presence, and suddenly her knees buckled as she let out a sob of pain when his arms lifted higher from her waist to her ribs. Although Jyn could ignore the pain in her nose and even the pull from her wound when she wrapped her arms around him, she couldn’t stand the pressure against it. They broke apart and regret and sorrow replaced the happiness and yearning in a matter of seconds. She curled her arms down, away from his neck, and hunched her shoulders while she winced. 

Cassian loosened his embrace but caught her from falling to her knees, his hands now at her back. "Jyn- what--?" 

“I’m sorry,” she said, initially for ruining the moment, but once she started she couldn’t stop and tears started to roll down her cheeks again. “I’m sorry, Cassian, I’m so sorry!” _For not coming to look for you, for letting you go… moving on…_

“Sssh, hey…” Cassian leaned back enough to rest his hands on her face, wiping away tear tracks with his thumbs. Then he tilted his head to the side, his chin dipped to look down at her side while he moved his grip to the jacket and looked for her wound. He saw the blood stain and his eyes widened. “Jyn--”

“No, no, wait… Cass,” she hurried and gripped the sides of his head. 

“-Jyn… is that your blood?” he protested, questioning and insistent, but she was equally stubborn and she was still in desperate need of confirming he was still in front of her. 

“You came back.” she said instead, breathy and disbelieving. 

He let out a long sigh then, on his next exhale, it was sharp and amused. Cassian gripped her hands and pulled them to hold between their chests, his hands dry and warm where hers were still wet and cold. She felt herself deflate and he took the opportunity to guide her arms around his waist until she latched on herself; curling her fingers in the fabric of his tunic. Cassian mirrored her but, this time, he wrapped his arms around her neck and shoulders. Softly, with one hand, he pet her damp hair from her crown down to her the nape of her neck, with his other he gripped her jacket in a fist. 

“We have _so much_ to talk about," he said against the side of her head, urgently, then paused to inhale deeply, "but right now, I need you to tell me how you’re hurt.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” she whispered and hugged him tighter. “You’re alive. I could take on the entire Empire myself right now.” 

He huffed a sharp exhale against her hair and she closed her eyes at the sensation. “Jyn, come awh-- oh.”

“‘Oh’? No, ‘oh’...” she replied, echoing his tone and backing out of their embrace to see what he had noticed that made him go ‘oh’ so dreadfully. 

Up on the ridge to her left and his right, another group of bounty hunters, five of them, coming their way down the steep hill; dark shadows against the painted sky. 

“... Oh.” 

Cassian grabbed her hand and started running for the treeline just as a rapid fire of laser bolts hit the ground and whizzed by their heads all around them.

“Cass, the skimmer--!?”

“Do you have the key on you?”

She kept up the pace beside him, her right hand clutching her side wound and her left hand in Cassian’s right. “No…” she answered, her voice choppy with their rapid steps through the trees and brush. 

“Then there’s no time. My ship is on the other side of these woods.” 

Despite the weight of the situation, despite the seriousness in his voice, Jyn smiled brightly and said, “I missed you so much.” 

He stopped running to look at her, his eyes shining and the left side of his mouth curled upward. 

Jyn could hear the hunters tromping through the forest, still far away, but all she could do was gaze into Cassian’s eyes as he leaned forward and kissed her again, tender but deep - his passion barely bridled. Adrenaline surged through her veins but love and relief was what filled her lungs. Danger approached but all she felt and heard was Cassian. The kiss ended and she was left leaning in for more, nearly losing her balance. He gripped her chin between his thumb and the side of his index finger to earn her gaze, smiling at her with all the brilliance and light of the sun; and she felt like she could fly. 

"I missed you," he echoed and she felt herself warming from the tip of her nose to her toes, like a rolling wave through her body. 

More bolts whizzed by, scorch marks being made in the trees next to them and they both ducked out of instinct. 

Then they were off again, fleeing her pursuers, her lips tingling and belly filled with butterflies. She should be scared or maybe annoyed by the hunters but with Cassian by her side, she never felt more alive or safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: **Jyn nearly drowns** and more people die by her hand as well as one another’s. 
> 
> And there we go! 
> 
> How do you feel? There's still three more chapters!


	14. 4 ABY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: graphic depictions of injuries and field medicine operations. I’m not a medical professional by any means so I apologize for any glaring (re annoying) inaccuracies. Let’s chalk it up to SW logic, if we can, please? 
> 
> Speaking of SW logic: does anyone else picture the medkits being made from cloth? 
> 
> Thank you to @chickenchick and @fulcrumstardust for their amazing insight and knowledge sharing to bring me that much closer to not being completely ignorant (do not hold them responsible for my mistakes, anything done is my responsibility).

It was dark, almost black, all around them. The thick forest blanketed them in more shadow than the night sky could reach - the moon barely visible through all the leaves. Jyn was cold before but now she was miserable. They had lost the hunters in the woods by hiding in an animal den. Once it was cleared they climbed out and started back through the forest, towards Cassian’s ship. 

The cold and shade kept Jyn from drying out from her ‘swim’ earlier and she kept trying to smother her coughs not only because it would give their position away but because it made her ribs ache and, ultimately, the wound in her side. They stopped walking after about ten minutes, just to make sure there was proper distance between them and the hunters, and Cassian sat Jyn down on a fallen tree. 

“Let me see…” he said softly and, this time, she didn’t deny her pain or injury. 

Carefully, she lifted her right arm, bent at the elbow, and watched with a wince as he peeled her jacket away from her bloody side. 

“Is this my coat?” he asked and looked up at her, holding her arm up with one hand and pushing his fingers through the hole cut into the right flap. 

She nodded. “Your parka is at the house too… the table is with the fleet somewhere.” He smiled in response and returned to his gentle inspection. After a moment, she started, her tone serious and inquisitive; “Cassian…” 

“Not yet… I promise I’ll explain everything. Once we’re safe.” When she didn’t respond, he looked up at her, his eyelashes splayed just under his eyebrows, which he lifted. “I promise.” 

He reached one hand for his utility belt and unclipped a torch, the length and diameter of her middle finger, and handed it to her after flicking it on. 

“Cass!”

“I just need the light for a couple seconds.” 

Jyn held his gaze for a moment before finally nodding and swallowing thickly. She sighed and held it out, directed at her own torso, and he squeezed her knee briefly before returning to his examination. 

“Ah!” She hissed and jerked away from his prodding touch when he finally found the laceration under all the sliced layers of clothes and his, now ruined, jacket. 

“Okay, sorry, sorry…” Then his expression pinched and he curled his upper lip. “Oh, Jyn…” 

“Hm?” She dipped her chin to her chest and tried to see what he saw. 

“It looks like the bleeding has stopped… it’s weeping but it’s…” He swallowed. “It looks internal.” 

“Hey, that’s where it’s supposed to be,” she said, her tone dark. 

Cassian looked up at her again and clenched his jaw, a shadow passing across his features as she moved the torch to turn it off. 

She blinked slowly and offered a smile. “It’s okay,” she told him when the fear glimmering in his eyes seemed to worsen. 

Despite his hesitation, Cassian looking around eagerly as though unable to decide what to do with her, he seemed to make a decision within just a few passing seconds and nodded before he let her drop her arm. Then he stood, rather than remain in his crouched position, and bent at the waist to lean close to her. His hands went to her face, so his thumbs were by each of her nostrils, to inspect her nose. Again he winced but his hands were warm, his gaze soft, and she didn’t care about her injuries. She was melting into a puddle of happiness right in front of him. 

“We match now,” she said playfully and fit her arm between them so she could poke his nose. 

A sharp exhale through his lips and he pivoted to sit beside her on the log, his hands moving to cradle her jaws and his thumbs brushing against her cheekbones. Under dark circles. Although all his touches were gentle, he moved stiffly. Anxiously. “Something tells me, you earned yours in a less than friendly manner,” he replied, his voice soft but tone somewhat clipped.

“Oh no,” she shook her head and he dropped his hands to his lap, which she chased and held with her cold fingers. “There were bets placed and everything. But, unlike you, I still won the fight. You should have seen the other guy.” 

“I can imagine,” he said agreeably and rubbed tiny circles into the back of her hand. “How do you feel?”

“Like I could fly…” 

He settled her with a meaningful, chiding look, barely noticeable in the dark, and she sighed. 

“Tired… cold…” 

“You’ve lost a lot of blood.” He looked over his shoulder. 

“Thought you said it was all internal.” she joked again, not bothering to mention it had been a hell of a day. Her whole body ached and was sore from fighting and struggling for her life for the last hour or so.

Cassian shifted his grip on her hand to go to her wrist, pressing his fingers deep into her flesh; checking her pulse. “We have to keep moving.” 

As he moved to stand again, she tugged on his arm to go with him, using his momentum to lift her off her sore, stiff legs. “Wait…” She pulled on his sleeve and he turned to face her, his gaze darker than ever with his pupils dilated from the black of the forest. Or, maybe, fear. 

He read her like an open book and smiled softly, if not a little strained. 

“I love you.” he whispered and leaned closer to press a lingering kiss to her jaw. “I missed you.” 

She leaned into him, as if he could tattoo his words into her skin so she could remember them forever. 

“You’re doing so well, Jyn.” He leaned back again to gaze into her eyes, his touches ginger and careful where he knew she didn’t ache. "My Jyn…"

They were moving before Jyn realized it, her thoughts slow, his affirmations and touches tarrying; leaving her feeling like she just had the best hit of spice and could fall into oblivion. Or maybe that was the blood loss. Probably both. 

Hand in hand, they walked through the forest, never once did he let go of her but soon she couldn’t stand to go any further. 

“Cassian…” she paused and he looked over his shoulder, still facing the direction they were meant to go. When she swayed he spun on his heel and supported her, his hands on her hips. 

“Whoa,” he said in a rush and moved one hand to cradle the side of her head. “Hey, look at me.” She obeyed and he frowned, his brow furrowing. Then he bent his knees and shifted both of his arms in order to sweep her off her feet, her arms around his neck. “Just stay awake with me.” 

“What happened to you?”

“Jyn,” he warned.

She sighed heavily against his neck and nuzzled his jaw. 

“No, don’t get comfy, Jyn, come on. Talk to me.” He jostled her intentionally, bumping her head up by raising his shoulder. 

“I found Essie…” 

“Yeah? He okay?” 

She nodded. “And Stormie.” 

He chuckled. “What else?”

“I went into the cave today. It was actually… kinda… it wasn’t bad.” 

“Did it help?”

She smiled before tossing her head back to dramatically ponder his question but instead she saw something strange. “What are those?”

“Hm?” Cassian looked at her and, seeing her neck at such a far angle, he seemed to get worried and shifted his grip, forcing her head back up a bit. 

“No, look…” she said and he followed her gaze to look up into the canopy of trees. 

Surrounding the trunks, far above their reach, were circular decks. Little blinds nearly hidden by the leaves and branches. It didn’t look like there was any shelter but it was up high, safe from most predators, most likely -- almost unnoticeable even to a sentient. 

“I dunno…” he murmured and looked back down at her. 

Jyn blinked slower and slower, watching each platform go by as he continued. Counting them absently. She lost track quickly.

“Jyn…?”

She closed her eyes. 

“No. Hey!” 

_He had come back…_

“Jyn!”

.  
.  
.

.

Cassian laid her down on the floor of his ship, careful of her head, and then slammed his fist against the door control to the transport. The hydraulics hissed and he leapt over her to get to the far wall, where the medkit was hidden, while the ramp lifted itself and closed; shielding them from any immediate danger. He opened the sliding cabinet and stripped the advanced medkit off it’s hook before rushing back to Jyn. 

Tearing the kit open, he exposed all the supplies rapidly and looked them over with a flick of his eyes while simultaneously, blindly, reaching for his knife in his boot. Inventory complete, he focused on Jyn and lifted the knife to her shirt and sliced the hem of it. Then, he set the knife down, once the initial cut was made, and used both hands to rip her shirt open, safely, to her breasts. 

Her abdomen was nothing but a swollen, discolored mass.

He cursed and looked at her again, his chest heaving and heart racing. Her eyes were still closed, darkened with bruises, a sharp contrast to her pallid complexion. Her swollen nose was already discolored in red and purples and likely gave no room to breathe with how much blood was clotted around her nostrils. 

Something gross and slimy, dreadful and panicked, squirmed through his stomach and he shifted anxiously on his knees. While he felt like he was about to explode, Jyn was completely still, her lips pale and parted to let out raspy, shallow breaths that scared him. His chest hiccuped for a moment, panic settling in behind his sternum and gripping his heart in a vice, before he kicked himself into gear. 

“You can’t leave me like this,” he murmured and grabbed the tubing and the needle packets. 

He prepped the tubing and, after disinfecting his arm, inserted one of the needles into his vein. Then, he raised the opposite end up into the air until the flow was going in the right direction. Once it was ready, Cassian inserted the other end into her disinfected arm and began the transfusion. Afraid it wouldn’t be enough, he grabbed one of the medpacs and injected it into her thigh; the dispenser expelling the liquid with a _hiss_. 

Cassian shuffled to kneel closer to her head, just for a moment. There was no time for anything but treating her but he wanted her awake, he needed her awake, to make sure she wasn’t fading away. He couldn’t inject her with a stim, the adrenaline would put her in more danger; she would exsanguinate faster than he could fix her. 

Desperate, Cassian grabbed her face between her palms and shook her gently. “Jyn. Jyn, open your eyes.” He shook her a bit harder. “Jyn, please, I need you to wake up…” he inhaled shakily and shook his head. “Look at me!” 

Jyn’s eyes fluttered and he nodded as he ducked his head lower so she could see him just with her eyelids cracked open a little bit. 

“That’s it, good girl, look at me,” he crooned and coaxed her to wake up more by stroking her cheek. “Good, Jyn, hey…” 

She blinked red-rimmed eyes sluggishly. “Cass…” 

He nodded again and offered the best smile he could and she mirrored him, wan and tired. “Good girl. I need you to stay awake. Stay with me, okay? I need to hear your voice.” 

“You’re alive…” 

Cassian sniffled and nodded again. “Yeah, I’m here. Now it’s your turn to stay alive, okay? Stay with me.” 

Slowly, weakly, she nodded her head and he grinned, encouragingly, before shuffling down to start his work. 

“Keep talking.” 

There was a pause and he looked up anxiously, afraid she had passed out again, but she licked her lips and said, “Did I ever tell you… that I think you’re beautiful?”

A laugh choked itself from his throat and he shook his head as he grabbed another medpac and pressed the dispenser against her thigh and depressed the release. “Oh yeah?”

She smiled down at him, her head tilted to the right to look at him past her own shoulder without lifting her head from the floor. “I mean, always, but especially when you showed up on the citadel tower… and today… there’re.. other timestoo…” she slurred. 

His gut wrenched painfully and he sat up higher on his knees and rested his hand on hers, where it lay limp on the floor, palm up. “Stay with me.” 

“Then tellme…” she drew in a ragged breath. “...what _hap’nd_ to you…” 

Cassian inhaled sharply and nodded. “Okay, alright… hold-- hold on…” he said and sprayed his hands with the disinfectant, followed by the entry wound. “Relax your body. As soon as you do, I’ll tell you what happened. Okay? Relax.” 

As she exhaled she relaxed and he braced one hand against her sternum while, with his other hand, he shoved his index and middle fingers into her wound. Her flesh and the blood that bubbled in her cavity squelched sickeningly as he did and he felt bile rise in his throat. 

She let out a hoarse cry and tensed; she tried to sit up but he kept his weight on her sternum. When she tried to grab at his wrist with her hands, he moved his hand from her chest to hold her wrists, still pink and raw from the binders. 

“It’s okay, Jyn, it’s alright. It’ll be over soon,” he promised, his own voice shaking and thin. His soul cried out in mourning to be the one to hurt her so badly but he needed to know where she was bleeding. “Hey, are you listening? Jyn, can you hear me?”

Jyn finally stopped struggling and laid down again, panting as she stared blankly at the ceiling. 

“Jyn…” he choked.

After a moment she nodded numbly. 

Despite her response, Cassian barely felt relief. 

“The mission was a trap,” he told her and her gaze seemed to clear as she rolled her head against the floor to look at him again. 

Bleary and tired, she blinked languidly.

He kept talking, still moving his fingers inside her, looking for the laceration that was pumping blood into her chest cavity, compressing her organs and likely collapsing her lungs. However, it was the lack of blood and oxygen to her brain and lungs that was vital, he needed to stop the bleeding. It’s why he needed her awake, alert, he needed to know the condition of her cognitive function. 

Finally, he found it and paused his story to warn her he was going to add the advanced, field medical tool alongside his fingers. “It’s going to seal the laceration but it’s temporary. I need you to hold still.”

As Jyn acknowledged his warning with another, slow blink, he continued both the operation and his recount of where he had been for the last year; “I waited at the meeting place for hours…” 

_Cassian shoved his hands in his pockets and grumbled to himself. It was too damn cold for this. Rain was sluicing down his neck, under his jacket. If he had his parka it wouldn’t be so bad but he wasn’t Cassian, he was Atton, and Atton didn’t wear bright colors. Atton wasn’t even part of the rebellion. So, he wore a black, leather jacket and continued to wait amidst the pouring rain for a contact that was hours late._

_The contact was the wife of a former informant. One that Cassian had been with the day he was killed. The intel was good, too good, and they were overrun by imperials. Although, for once, Cassian -- Atton -- wasn’t the one to pull the trigger, he may as well have._

_Now, four years later, the informant’s wife had reached out through the coding system meant only for Atton. That was what brought Draven to his doorstep. According to Draven the widow, Ani, would only talk to him. Only wanted to see Atton._

_According to his own dossier, kept updated by intelligence, Atton had been going around the galaxy as a freelance secrets dealer. As neutral as those who built the ships for both sides. Profiteers who could not care less about the winner, just that they could benefit from dealing weapons and secrets to anyone willing to pay to get them or even pay to keep them secret._

_Now, Ani wanted to sell a secret of her own._

_Although Atton needed to be there, although the rebellion was relying on him, Cassian missed Jyn to the point he was literally itching to leave. And if he came all this way to freeze his ass off and get nothing in the end…_

_He checked his wristchrono and clenched his jaw. Five more minutes and he’d call it._

_A group of kids rushed by him, giggling and laughing through the streets. One of them bumped into him and he turned to look over his shoulder at where they headed, splashing through the puddles in worn shoes._

_When he turned back around he got a whiff of something rancid; body odor, bad breath, alcohol, and something stale. He barely got to look at the, allegedly drunk, homeless person before he felt a sharp pain shoot through his abdomen. Cassian didn’t bother to look down, he just grabbed the arms of his attacker and looked into his eyes before the bearded, drunkard shoved him aside and against the wet, brick wall of the building beside them._

_He slid his back against the wall as the man ran off through an alley. When he finally met the ground, Cassian laughed wryly and pressed his hand against the wound, swearing to himself. There was no one else around and he was more than a click away from the port where he had left his ship. Determined not to die a nameless face in a backwater city on an outer-rim planet, Cassian forced himself up with one hand still shoved against his abdomen. As soon as he was on his feet, he leaned his right shoulder against the wall to catch his breath, and looked around anxiously; seeing something that made his blood run cold._

_Ani stood under an awning across the cobblestone street, a gray scarf wrapped around her neck and head, covering her hair. Her eyes were smiling but her lips were, otherwise, in a grim line. She met his gaze and his body slumped harder against the wall. Defeated._

_Although she let him stumble away, Cassian knew she believed he was a dead man walking; that she had gotten her revenge. He couldn’t let that be true._

_Every step felt like it could be his last but he kept going. Each breath was for Jyn. Every effort he made to keep his heart rate down was in the hope of returning to the station, to Jyn. Home._

_TIE fighters rushed overhead, the haunting sound of ion engines making his skin crawl as he looked up to watch them. No sooner had they disappeared from view, an explosion to his right sent him flying across the street. He landed against one of the vendor stalls before falling to the street on his left, wounded side. There was a shrill ringing in his ears and his vision blurred when he first tried to open his eyes again._

_People screamed in horror. Others wailed. Still more shouted for loved ones and his heart clenched, his stomach roiled bitterly. He looked around, blinking away the bleariness to find that the whole market district was filled with black smoke. The innards of the attacked building lay out on the streets, charred and smoking - bodies of those who were inside were the same. Still others, civilians, were killed by the debris and shrapnel - one woman was near him, staring at him with unseeing, green eyes, blood soaking her dark hair and streaming down her face like tears._

_Cassian felt lightheaded but had to stand, he had to get up._

_He pushed up on his knees with one hand, the left still pressed against his side, and stood with the intention of getting to the port. He had to get to his ship before it was too late; not only for his injury but because the imperials might shut down the spaceport before he could get to it. Cassian tried not to look around too much, lest he get caught up in those in need or, worse, get pulled in for questioning as a suspect._

_“You there,” a voice, deepened by the modulator of a bucket helmet, called out. Cassian paused and looked to a nearby unit of stormtroopers. His heart sank, his throat tightening. He backed up, hoping that they were talking to someone else and he could still slip away unseen. “Sir.” Cassian cursed under his breath, clenching his free hand into a fist. They started to approach and Cassian pivoted on his heel and ran. “Stop right there!”_

“I… I saw you escape…” Jyn said softly. “The cr--” she paused and swallowed thickly, taking in a shaky breath. “The credits were a nice touch.” 

He huffed sharply through his nose and nodded. “Anything to buy me time.” 

Cassian finished dressing her wound. He had already injected bacta into the lesion followed by a bacta patch, but now wrapped gauze around her waist to keep it all in place with pressure. The clamp would hold within her, to stop the internal bleeding for now, but it wasn’t permanent and she needed a hospital. A proper surgeon. 

“All done?” 

“Not quite,” Cassian murmured and met her gaze briefly while he prepped the tube he needed to drain her chest cavity. She was still struggling to breathe and the discoloring in her abdomen and chest was worse than when he had started. “This is going to be uncomfortable.”

“Worse than having your hand inside my stomach?” She asked and arched a brow, managing a smirk.

He fixed her with a reproachful look. “It was two fingers.” 

Jyn started to laugh but stopped, wincing as she pinched her eyes shut. 

“Hey, hey… I’m sorry… Jyn?”

“I’m... it’s okay.” She opened her eyes and nodded. “Do it.” 

Cassian shook his hair out of his face and showed her the tube and the scalpel he was going to use as he explained he had to drain the blood that had pooled in her cavity. When he started, he continued his story, to keep her distracted: 

_He boarded his ship, running aboard and slamming his bloody palm on the door control only to skid to a stop when he saw someone already sitting in the pilot’s chair. He fumbled for his blaster and, while the sliding door continued to close behind him, he aimed it at the stranger with a trembling, wounded arm - his other hand still pressed against his blade wound._

_“Who the kark are you?!”_

_The human male turned in the pilot’s chair, also aiming a blaster; pointing it at him. “Who are **you**?!”_

_“This is my-- just fly. Go! Now!”_

_“Wha--”_

_“There’s stormtroopers out there, ready to kill. Go now, c'mon!”_

_The man -- just barely into his twenties, really -- seemed to take an extra moment to consider but he glanced out the cockpit and likely saw the unit and he lowered his weapon to fly the ship._

_Cassian let him go and stumbled to the hidden compartment under the passenger bench along the hull. He opened it and grabbed a bacta patch, frantically yanking his shirt out from under his waistband to slap it over his wound. The ship took off and angled for atmo just as he wrapped his fingers around a medpac. Cassian nearly fell over but he grabbed the vinyl handle above him and kept to his feet. They were nearly clear of any fire range and he stabbed himself in the thigh with the medpac just as the ship lurched to the right and started to spiral._

_“Pull up!” he ordered._

_“I’m trying!”_

_They tailspinned and Cassian started to force himself into the seat of the bench to strap himself in._

_“There’s--”_

_The crash was abrupt and Cassian slammed his head against the wall. They were still skidding through woods and brush, bouncing off of rocks and protruding roots, and Cassian unfastened himself and pushed himself to get to the door, opening it._

_Green and brown were blurs in front of him but he leapt out when he saw an opening and rolled with the momentum. He landed in bushes but came to a stop by hitting his shoulder against a tree trunk and he grunted in pain. The ship continued to grind through dirt, rock, and trees and Cassian sat up to watch it only for it to slam against a rock wall and explode on impact. His eyes widened and he turned away from it, covering his head with his arms and curling into a ball until it stopped._

_He lifted his head, slowly unfurling his arms from around his head, and--_

“Jyn, hey. Hey! Keep your eyes open…” he urged, his breath catching as he moved to hold her head in his hands. 

Her eyes fluttered and he looked down the length of her battered body; the bleeding had been stopped, the tube inserted to drain the excess blood. The transfusion was still active. Cassian leaned all the way to one side, reaching for one of the foil blankets. It was just out of reach but he wiggled his fingers and leaned further, without pulling their lifeline taut, and managed to grip the corner. He yanked it and managed to spread it out on the bench behind him, using one hand, then returned his attention to Jyn. Carefully, and making sure the line wasn't going to tear out of either of their arms, Cassian managed to scoop her up gently and laid her down on top of the blanket. 

He made sure that her arm stayed up over her head so it wouldn’t obstruct the tubing in her chest, less than his finger’s length under her armpit. Then he covered her in the thermal blanket to keep her warm, wrapping her up like a cocoon except for a small pocket at the side with the tube and that arm. Her other arm, with the transfusion, laid on top intentionally.

While he checked her pulse again, kneeling at her side, Cassian felt his own heart stop and he held his breath. His throat was almost too tight to breathe anyway. Then he felt it, he could count the beats as he did seconds on his chrono, and he felt something unfurl in his chest again; hope blossoming like a flower. 

Jyn almost seemed stable again. She should be okay. “Jyn, please... wake up. I’m begging you.” 

She swallowed and his eyebrows shot up, his chest puffing out with hope. “I’m so tired, Cass.” 

The breath he released was more like a laugh than a sigh of relief and he nodded before pressing his forehead against her temple. “I know, I know…” he empathized. “Rest, Jyn, but please stay awake. I’ll get us home soon.” 

Her eyes widened. “No-” she went to lower her arm but he caught it easily and asked her to keep her arm above her head. “Cassian, Essie is still at the house. We have to get him.” 

He shook his head. “Jyn, I almost lost you. We can get him later-”

“I promised him. Cass, I promised him. He was all alone, all those years, and I promised him I wouldn’t leave him behind again.” 

They stared at one another, both of them pleading their cases silently; green to brown, searching and asking. Promising. 

“You are not to move from this spot. Not for anything,” he said and settled her with a firm gaze. 

“Promise.” 

Cassian sighed, reluctant, but agreed and leaned close to kiss her gently on the lips. She smiled against his mouth and, as always, her smile was contagious and when he pulled away, he had his own, closed lip smile. 

“Why are you like this?” he asked and started to remove the needle from his arm. 

“Because I’m in love with someone just as stubborn.” 

“You better be just as resilient too. Don’t you die on me, Jyn Erso.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she said and pushed gently on his shoulder. “Let’s go.” 

He stood but only after one more, chaste kiss, then he strapped her in and pulled out the needle from her arm, covering it with a bandage. Then he rushed to the cockpit and primed the engine to lift off and rush to the farm house. It was only a five minute flight over the forest and some of the water to get there. Once he landed, he grabbed the rifle from the mount and looked over at her. “Stay awake.”

Jyn smiled at him and he sighed heavily, jutting his jaw out; she was so self-assured and faithful. She carried him through the last four years like it was nothing. Like it was easy for her. So, he just offered a smile of his own and opened the door. 

Cassian jumped down and closed the door behind him; going so far as to make sure it was locked so Jyn would be safe from the hunters he suspected were likely crawling all over the property still. With the safety off his blaster rifle, Cassian slowly made his way to the house, checking every shadow, when he noticed the shuttle not too far from the house. He hoped it was from one of the groups that had already been killed but he wasn’t convinced of it. 

The door opened on command, sliding from left to right until it disappeared into the wall, and he stepped inside. With his torch attached to the top of his rifle, he pointed the barrel of his gun, and subsequent light, into the threshold first in order to check each corner as he entered. He had to step over a body but didn't need to check a pulse, the man's head twisted at an unnatural angle.

The house was blanketed in almost complete darkness, save for his ray of dim light, but he was able to see a droid, who he assumed was Essie, laying on the floor facedown with soup spilled all over him and the floor. There was an obvious sign of a struggle with the spilled caf, toppled chair, and small pools of blood surrounding the table. 

Rage boiled under his skin like lava -- bubbling and hot. How dare they attack her in her own house? In a place she was supposed to feel safe. What kind of day had she been having before the hunters ruined it? 

He clenched his jaw and lowered his blaster tip a fraction before crouching beside the downed droid to check the level of damage. As soon as he had lowered onto the balls of his feet, a shadow advanced from his right and he barely pivoted in time to throw up his arms in defense of a kick coming for his head. He deflected but still fell to the side, against the kitchen counters then onto his left side. His blaster clattering away from him so the beam of light was shining at nothing in particular. 

Cassian rolled out of the way of danger, avoiding being curb stomped, and leapt to his feet before striking against the shadowed assailant. He landed two punches in rapid succession, one hitting their face and another their ribs, and a soft, feminine cry resounded in response. 

A second sentient, a bit bigger than the other, joined in the fight and Cassian fought them both off as offensively as he could while deflecting as many attacks as he could. It wasn’t until he kicked the bigger sentient in the chest, sending them over the table so they crashed on their back and the table flipped over that he made the connection: 

“Sai!” The feminine attacker shouted when they had both heard a crack. 

“Adhira?” Cassian called, still holding his fists up. 

The smaller sentient hesitated. Then, “Cass?”

Adhira pulled down the veil on her face and stared at Cassian with wide eyes and parted lips; recognition flickering through her gaze. Then Sai stood and pulled his hood down before clutching his broken wrist. He sidestepped and flicked on the main light. Both he and Adhirs blinked rapidly against the flood and when they adjusted he lowered his hands to his sides and looked between them in disbelief.

Although Adhira looked about ready to hug him, she stopped short and looked him up and down critically. “Wait. Prove it.” 

He puffed air through his nose and craned his neck forward. “What, why? And how?”

“Because you could be clawdite for all we know! Preying on a poor, grieving widow!!” From her tone, Cassian could tell, she already believed it was him; the challenge excessive but familiar. 

Cassian straightened and clenched his jaw at her wording before he yanked out his blade, spinning it between his fingers, and pressed the edge to the top of his forearm, drawing a thin, horizontal line of red across his skin. 

Immediately, Adhira holstered her blaster and hugged him. “I can’t believe it. My gods, when we find her, Jyn will be…” she trailed off and just sighed happily, excited over the revelation. 

“She knows,” Cassian said and looked to Sai, who despite his broken arm, also came close to hug Cassian. “In fact I have very little time. She’s wounded and I need to get her to the fleet as soon as possible.” 

“What are you doing here, then?” Sai asked. 

“I’m here for the droid. Jyn refused to leave without him.” 

“I’ll help you get him on board,” Adhira said but then both she and Cassian looked to Sai worriedly. 

“Sorry about that…” Cassian said softly. 

“ _I_ attacked _you_ , brother.” 

“We have stabilizers on our ship. Let’s get you and Jyn out of here.” Adhira helped Cassian lift the food covered droid up off the floor and they dragged him towards the door; one arm slung over each of their shoulders. On the way out, Cassian noticed his blue parka on the hook by the door and grabbed it with his free hand. 

They stumbled up the ramp while Sai followed up behind and Jyn almost started to sit up to greet their friends, surprise written on her face, but Cassian pointed at her, forbidding it. She obeyed and held perfectly still except the smile spreading across her face. 

“What are you two doing here?”

“Not getting our asses beat by your husband back from the dead,” Sai joked and, while Jyn winced and looked at Sai’s arm, Cassian looked over at Sai with furrowed brows. 

“Darling,” Adhira crooned and knelt by Jyn’s side, distracting Cassian from his thoughts. The mirialan woman looked her up and down. “What’s happened to you?”

“Series of gifts from some bounty hunters… what are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow-- how long have I been out?” She asked and looked around Adhira’s worried face to catch Cassian’s gaze. 

He shook his head; _not long_.

“We came early, we missed you but… there’s also been some… developments.” When Jyn didn’t pry for more and just waited, Adhira continued with a heavy voice. “After Hoth, I guess… Captain Solo, the princess, and Chewie went a different way. Got separated from the others. According to Leia, Vader used them as bait to lure Luke out into the open…” 

Jyn shifted uncomfortably and started to sit up, causing Cassian to rush to her side and sit by her hip. He rested his hand on her shoulder to keep her in place. “What happened?” Jyn demanded to know. 

“They sold Solo to a bounty hunter who was working for Jabba.” 

“Jabba wants him dead!” 

“Apparently not… he’s still alive, or he was when he was taken away and Luke still says he hasn’t ‘felt him leave’.” 

Cassian wrinkled his nose at the mention of Luke’s ‘force sensitivity’. He and Jyn always thought Luke and Chirrut would have made good friends but beyond that Cassian wasn’t interested in all the ‘mumbo jumbo’ of the force; the only thing he and Han had inherently agreed on. 

“They’re planning to rescue him…” Sai said and they all turned their heads in unison to look at him instead. “We figured you’d want to be there.” 

She nodded and Cassian felt his shoulders drop. Then, quietly, he said. “We need to get moving.”

“Of course,” Adhira agreed and stood up hurriedly. “We’ll meet you back at the fleet.” She walked away to collect Sai, careful of his arm, and the two of them stepped off the ship to hurry back to theirs. 

Jyn captured Cassian’s hand in her weak grip, squeezing his fingers before he could fully pull away. “Thank you… for getting Essie.”

He sniffled and dropped from his seat at her side to kneel at her head to wrap his arm around her head and leaned forward to press his forehead against hers. His chest shuddered and he closed his eyes, just breathing with her. After a moment of silence together, Cassian leaned back and withdrew the tube from her side. “It’s probably not all the way drained,” he said, wincing at the weight of the bag that had contained all the excess. “But I don’t want you to have this in you when we get to space. How do you feel?”

“Better than before…” she replied and smiled at him, a little brighter than necessary. 

“What?”

“I just can’t believe it,” she choked. “You’re here…” she reached for him after he put a bacta over the incision he had made earlier. He immediately gave her his right hand, hooking their thumbs, and caressed the side of her face comfortingly. “I missed you so much,” she cried. “I wish we could just catch a break. I want to hold you-- I want you to hold me… I… I can’t stand to be apart from you.” 

“You won’t be for long,” he assured, trying to keep his voice steady; failing. He licked his lips and managed a smile. “Let’s get you home…” he said but she just shook her head against the cushion. 

“I already am.” 

He let out a shaky breath and pressed his lips to hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters! Whatcha think is gonna happen??


	15. 4 ABY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the beautiful art is done by dasakuryo!

Their arrival to Home One was about as chaotic as she expected with Cassian’s sudden arrival. Seemingly back from the dead. Draven was alerted and they had barely made it out of the hangar with Jyn on a hovergurney when his former CO arrived, his cheeks red and brow beaded with sweat. 

“Cassian--”

“I need this to wait!” He shouted, still holding Jyn’s hand and jogging to keep up beside her while the medics asked her questions and flashed lights in her face. 

“It can’t! _Andor_!” 

“It’s him,” Jyn snapped, churlish. 

They were down the hall sooner than she expected, people staring at them like they were both the undead and, in some ways, they were. When they were seconds, mere three footsteps, from med bay Draven grabbed Cassian’s arm to stop him. Cassian’s hand fell away from hers, despite both their efforts to hold on by their fingertips, and she felt panic grip her heart like a frozen hand. 

“No, wait--” she cried, her eyes wide as she lifted her head in an attempt to keep him in her sights. 

“Let go,” she heard Cassian growl and watched as he jerked his elbow out of Draven’s grip. 

The two men seemed to have a stare off, their eyes darting back and forth; searching. Questions asked and answers given all in a silent conversation. 

“Sergeant, please…” the human male pleaded while trying to scan her but she kept squirming to try to see Cassian - like taking her eyes off of him meant he would disappear again. “We need to prep her for immersion,” he said to a droid, who nodded and scurried off. 

That got her attention. “Wha-- no… that… I don’t need an immersion. Isn’t there another option--?”

"I'll get her in for surgery for a proper suture…" he continued to talk over her, telling his assistants and breaking off into medical speak she couldn't keep up with. 

There was too much noise. The hum of medical equipment with the occasional beeps and trills. Doors whooshed open and closed from somewhere behind her. The din of voices in the bay to her right. 21-B droids rattled off stats to medical assistants and nurses nearby. 

“Hey...” she protested weakly, her head back to the pillow as she looked around, no longer able to see Draven yelling at Cassian, who had been animating his arguments with wide arm gestures and accusing finger pointing. 

"Let's get you sedated. Any allergies to any medications?" He asked, already pulling out a dispenser.

Her brain was fuzzy with anxiety - it was too loud. Where was Cassian? She couldn’t go in a tank! “No. But, listen, you don’t understand--!” 

Suddenly Cassian was there again and she let out a stuttering sigh. “They want to put me in a tank, Cass, I can’t do it.” 

He leaned over her, his hand braced beside her head. “It’s okay, Jyn…” his voice was a salve over her - her skin no longer crawling even though her stomach still flipped in terror at the idea of a bacta tank. 

“No, I can’t. You know how I am about tight spaces… that’s why I didn’t go after Scarif- and I can’t just… be submerged. You didn’t - You don’t know what happened…” 

Cassian nodded and looked up at the doctor. “Is there another option?”

There was a loud sloshing noise from somewhere behind her and her eyes rolled to the back of her head, which she inched back to try to see. Unable to see the tank she knew was making the noise, she turned her head to look to the left now, at the doctor, who shook his head. 

“You’ll be sedated, Jyn,” Cassian assured softly. 

“That-- no… Cass, please…” 

“There’s no time, Jyn… It’ll be okay, I promise. I’ll be here the whole time. I’ll be watching the whole time.” 

“Cassian…” 

“Actually, who are you?” The doctor asked and both of them hesitantly looked away from one another to look at him again like he had grown a second head. “Only family or spouses can be in here-”

“I’m her husband--”

“He’s family--”

“Same thing,” they said in unison. 

The doctor shook his head. “You’re going to have to wait outside.” 

“No- ow!” Jyn looked between the two men frantically and then down at her left arm where she felt a prick. A sedative plunged into her flesh. “No… wait…” she reached for Cassian desperately, sluggish already, even as he was cut off from her and herded back towards the door. “Cass!”

“I’m here, Jyn." He peeked around heads and shoulders of those rushing him away and she lifted her head again but was now too heavy on a neck that felt like a cooked noodle. "I’ll be right here-” he shouted over all the commotion. 

“What’s going on?” A familiar, feminine voice asked just as Jyn felt the darkness start to swallow her. 

“Myraah--! I need to be in there with her!” Cassian shouted. 

“Major?”

“He’s authenticated.” Draven’s voice joined the cacophony. 

There was a pause in the projection of any familiar voices and then suddenly, mercifully, Cassian was there again. He stroked her hair back from her brow and smiled down at her, closed lipped and small - his eyes tight around the corners. His long hair fell away from his face, nearly drifting across the bridge of her still swollen, discolored nose. 

“You’re okay,” he said softly, petting her hair. 

She felt her breath slow, no longer panting in panic but slow and deep. She was okay. Cassian was here… 

“It’s okay…” she murmured, to both of herself and him, her lips stiff and her tongue heavy. 

The din died down and all there was were soft, sweet nothings from the man she loved and the quiet, reassuring voice of a doctor she trusted. She was home. Safe. It would be okay. 

Jyn closed her eyes against the feeling of Cassian’s palm against her cheek and drifted peacefully to sleep.

.  
.  
.

Jyn woke slowly to the sound of two male voices, whispering harshly at one another. She kept her eyes closed after the initial flutter and tried to keep her heart rate, which she could hear on the monitor to her left, down.

“You could have reached out.” 

“I had other priorities.” 

A pause. 

“I’m not going to apologize for trying to find her first. Especially now that I know that you hadn’t even known where she was.” 

“What will you do now?”

“When I know, you’ll be the second to know.” 

Jyn arched a brow and tried to hide the way her lips curved up at the corners. There was another pause and she waited, resisting the urge to wink an eye open. 

“There are recent discoveries that I think both you and Sergeant Erso would be interested to know. Should either or both of you stay.” 

“Noted.” 

“You’re still under my authority, Major, you’ll do well to remember, regardless of your whereabouts over the last year.” 

“Technically, I’m dead, General… I’d think that puts me under no one’s command.” 

There was a long-suffering sigh. “You’ve spent far too long with Erso.” 

“Actually, not long enough.” 

Another pause.

“When she’s well, please find me.” 

After about eight seconds a door whooshed open and shut again proceded by footsteps coming closer to where she lay in a slightly inclined position. A hand found her right one, where it lay on the mattress and then an exhausted sigh as the person - Cassian - collapsed into, what she assumed was, a chair. 

She squeezed his fingers and opened her eyes, slightly turning her head against the pillow to look at him. “You’re here…” 

He immediately straightened, his shoulders going back before he leaned closer and they hunched to bring him closer to her. “Jyn…”

“How’d it go?”

“You’re clear. The treatment resolved the internal trauma and they fixed your no--”

“I meant with you being back. You didn’t tell anyone you were alive?”

He swallowed thickly but held her gaze. “I figured… if I did… they would take the time to vett me. Then they would want to question me and find out what happened… the bureaucracy of ‘coming back from the dead’ can take days… weeks. I needed to find you first. Then longer to get any authorization to leave again.. Maybe it was foolish… selfish… but I had to.” 

“How long did it take you to find me? When you could…”

Cassian stuck out his lower lip a bit and shrugged while shaking his head. “Three days.” 

She waited, her eyes searching his. 

“Faster than if I came here first.” 

“Then I’m glad you did… regardless of what Draven or anyone else says.” 

“Me too.” 

“How long was I out,” she asked, rubbing her thumb in circles against the top of his hand. 

“About a day. You’ve had lots of visitors…” 

She imagined Adhira and Sai, Shara and Kes with little Poe, Leia, Luke, and Chewie, even Vihaan, but then she imagined them all seeing him in all his disheveled, scruffy, bloody glory and she smiled while shaking her head a little. “Nah, they’re here to see the man who came back from the dead.”

He frowned and averted his gaze. They sat in silence, Jyn trying to read him and Cassian lost in his thoughts, before he finally broke it again; looking back up at her. “Did you know the Damerons had a kid?”

Jyn nodded. “Yeah, Poe. I’ve only seen holos of him when he was a newborn. Are they here?”

He nodded and smiled a bit brighter. “He’s cute. Almost three,” he said and made a show of holding up three fingers, imitating the toddler. 

They shared a quiet laugh and Jyn became somber again. “When can I get outta here-?”

“In an hour," Myraah said and they both turned their gazes from one another to watch her walk in with a glowing datapad. "if you fill this out." A droid trailed behind her. 

Jyn sat up in bed, much to Cassian’s alarm; he sat up straighter and immediately reached out to support her, one hand on her back and the other on her bicep to help her up. 

“Cassian. I’m okay.” She said, almost amused but mostly touched and a little doleful. He was back from the dead and _she_ should be showering _him_ with love and affection. Absolutely smothering him with adoration and here she was making him worry about her. 

Force they needed a damn break. 

Away from all the questions and people and responsibilities. Away from pressure. Just for a night. Just to be together and prove to herself this was real and true.

He released her and sat back down, fidgeting. He shoved his hand through his hair and then rubbed the back of his neck. While she talked to Myraah, not only catching up but answering standard health questions, Jyn kept a side eye on Cassian as he shifted and rubbed at his eye with the heel of his palm. 

Surely he was exhausted. 

Finally, Myraah signed off, welcoming them both back one last time before excusing herself so they could leave on their own time. 

“Do we have a room?” Jyn asked him while pulling on the white sweater that he handed her.

Cassian nodded. “Leia got us set up with one.” he said as he helped her pull the sweater to her right arm, which was surprisingly stiff. “But she asked us to meet her in her room first.” 

They made their way out of med bay, their arms pressed together at their biceps the entire way. How many times had they made this walk together, side by side from med bay having come back from something they probably shouldn't. This time, neither of them were limping, their gait in perfect sync with one another. They walked with their heads high and shoulders back, their gazes fixed on what was before them, leaving no argument of who needed to step aside if they were to come across sentients coming from the other direction -- they all made room for the heroes of the Rebellion who had 'come back from the dead'. 

Inside the room they were informed about was Leia, Chewie, and Artoo. It started off with rounds of hugs and lots of smiles but segued quickly into demands from Cassian to explain what happened to him; where he had been. 

Burdened to explain, Cassian let out a heavy sigh. “I was in a coma for the better part of a year. My ship crashed--”

“There was a body inside…”

“Some thief was inside… there wasn’t any time to sort him out before the stormtroopers would capture us… he took off and we got hit. I jumped out and he stayed inside, I guess. The ship hit a rockside and exploded… I don’t remember much after that. I… _wandered_ ,” he said like he was unsure himself what was really going on. Then he blinked, looking down at the floor, before he came back to himself and shrugged, shaking his head languidly. “Then… I woke up in a hospital. They had no name on me so when I woke up I used one of my identities to pay the bill and I left. They had held me for a couple days, for observation and tests… as soon as I was free to go without raising any more alarm or them getting a ping back on my alias, I left. I bartered a ship and tracked down Jyn.”

“The house was burned. How did you know where I would be?”

He gave her a meaningful look that instantly had her warm in the belly, her toes nearly curling. 

“What happened after Hoth?” Jyn asked, changing the topic, given the drained expression on his face, the dullness in his eyes. That was enough for today. She felt it herself but Han was her friend and she needed to know what had happened and what was being done about it. 

They explained the events leading up to Bespin, on Bespin, and since then. 

“Where’s Luke?”

“He went back to Dagobah to finish his training. He figures it will help to face Jabba.” 

“And this Lando guy?” Cassian asked, his arms crossed against his chest, his bicep still pressed to Jyn’s.

“He’s undercover as a guard right now. He confirmed Han is still alive.” 

“Threepio?” Jyn inquired, tilting her head as she looked around the room again. 

Artoo beeped and Cassian huffed, amused. “It’s better that he doesn’t know what’s going on,” he translated. 

“We’re still working on the best method to infiltrate,” Leia said then looked to Cassian with an arched eyebrow. “And now that we have the brains for it, maybe we’ll be better off.” 

Cassian shook his head and Jyn turned her head to look up at him as he inhaled sharply through his nose. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

“I know you’re in high demand right now,” Leia empathized and glanced at Jyn then back at Cassian. “Draven won’t stop talking about you and Mothma… is doing her best to keep her thoughts to herself. Just… think about it? We can use all the help we can get since we can’t get the council to sign off on a rescue for a non-alliance member. Especially one held by a notorious crime lord.” 

“Of course,” Cassian replied while Jyn nodded adamantly. 

“We’ll get him back.” Jyn added.


	16. 4 ABY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can listen to this song during, if you want, but this could also be a “credits” song (y’know, when the movie ends and then some song is supposed to come on during the credits that is supposed to “tie up the theme of the movie”?)... 
> 
> I recommend the latter.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIvRDoAhKQg

Jyn breathed heavily against Cassian’s mouth as they kissed and helped one another strip off their shirts, their lips always finding one another again after separating to let cloth come between them. They were safe in the privacy of their temporary room and could finally be together without interruptions. Without the threat of death to come between them. 

She wiggled out of her pants next, both of them doing the ridiculous stomping dance to get their pants down by using their feet to walk up the pant legs. Once they were free of everything but their undergarments, their clothes strewn in a path from the door to the bed, Jyn got on the mattress and wiggled to the middle where Cassian crawled on top and braced his arms on either side of her pillow. He lowered himself, just by bending his elbows, to kiss her again and she shifted to make room for him between her legs while she slid her heels up to dig in against the sheets, her knees at his hips. 

Both of their breath were shallow and hot against one another's lips, jaw, and neck as they showered one another with a year's worth of affection and longing. Their touches familiar but clumsy with their urgency. 

Slowly, Jyn moved her hands to grip his wrists and caressed up his arms until her fingertips grazed against a bump in his right forearm. She stopped kissing him and pushed her head further into the pillow to break the kiss in order to look at his arm where a new scar, a blaster burn, raised his skin. Something cold gripped her heart and made her insides clench, a lump forming in her throat. 

When she finally lifted her gaze from his scar to his eyes, she felt tears spring to hers. “All this time…” 

He rested more weight against her, his shoulders hunched and head dipped. “I’m sorry,” he said and brushed her hair away from her temples, balancing all his weight on his left arm to stroke her face with his right. “Jyn, I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry.” 

"It’s not your fault…" She shook her head. "How could it be? I just…” Jyn started crying now, her chest hiccupping. “I just wish I could have been there for you…” 

Cassian rolled off to his right side and she instantly followed, turning onto her left so she could press against his chest and bury herself in the warmth of his body, her head tucked under his chin while she wrapped her arms around his torso. They stayed silent now, just holding one another until both of their breathing slowed from what they had started and they inhaled and exhaled together, soft and sure. When she was relaxed again, she pulled back to scoot up and have their eyes level with one another. 

They shuffled about, their bed squeaking while they got comfortable in their new positions; both of them with one hand under their pillow to support their head higher. His left hand stayed on her bare hip, his thumb rubbing circles against her skin while she splayed her palm against his chest, over his sternum. His heartbeat was strong and steady against her hand. She held his gaze, just staring into his warm eyes and she felt whole and renewed. 

She sniffled and smiled at him, which he mirrored. “You called yourself my husband…” 

Cassian exhaled sharply, his smile broadening. “Yes…”

“How come?”

“Adhira and Sai kept saying things like widow and husband… I figured you knew something I didn’t.” 

With a heavy, dramatic sigh, Jyn closed her eyes to roll them in private before opening them again. “After you were declared dead, like, a week after… this... _guy_ showed up and started hanging around. I didn’t get a good feeling from him so I told him I was married to you and you were away for work. I don’t think he ever quite believed me but I kept up the lie anyway but then it turned into a bit of a joke, between me and Adhira and Sai. Just to lighten things up.”

Cassian listened intently but after a moment of pondering, he licked his lips and shifted awkwardly in his place beside her. 

“What?” she asked.

“Maybe… maybe we should.” She blinked owlishly and he inhaled sharply before rushing to continue. “Yesterday they tried to take me away from you. And we struggled when we first came from Scarif to allow you to be around for things and again I was barely allowed to be there when you came back from Taris… it’s only because of Myraah that exceptions have been made. If something happens again, I want you to be involved. I want you to be able to be there without any red tape and I trust you to make decisions when I can’t.” 

She smiled a little stiffly. “Very prudent...” she replied.

“And,” he licked his lips and leaned closer, nuzzling their noses together. “I love you. I want to be joined with you in every way observed by the galaxy. For everyone to know that you’re everything to me and nothing could keep me from you.” 

“Nothing…” she echoed.

“Not even death.” 

This time she chewed on the corner of her lower lip, her gaze shifting to his mouth. “Very _romantic_...” she whispered, her smile spreading and almost hurting her cheeks.

“Jyn Erso, will you marry me?”

She nodded eagerly and closed the small distance between them to kiss him which he returned in fervor. Jyn broke away with a few more chaste kisses to the corners of his mouth and lifted her fingertips to play in the scruffiness of his full beard while seeking his gaze. “I know you’ve just slept for a year but I think you should get some sleep…” she suggested, shifting her touch to slip her fingers through his soft, long hair, massaging his scalp. 

“We should,” he amended but nodded and shuffled closer. 

Jyn shifted onto her back and wrapped her arms around his head while he pillowed against her chest, his ear over her heart. Finally it was quiet, peaceful, as they needed. Deserved. No urgent matters, no danger. Just her and Cassian and it was so perfect, so beautiful, she wanted to cry. 

How could she be so fortunate to have him back? To have this moment free of fear or dread. Made whole and safe, side by side, reunited with their family. 

Tomorrow brought uncertainty; obligations would need to be filled, negotiations begun, rescue plans initiated -- but, for now, they had this. Their bubble. 

With a soft smile and an even softer sigh of relief and contentment, Jyn nuzzled the top of Cassian’s head and murmured, “I love you, Cassian…” 

“I love you, Jyn.” 

“She got away?!” Tatasciore exclaimed. 

Teyla sucked on her tongue and glared down at the tiny, blue projection of her boss on the table in front of her. A human male with long black hair and too-fancy clothes. Then again, almost all the asses that paid her salary looked too uptight for anything other than shoving guns at their problems. 

She kept her palms planted on the edge of the counter, carefully stood around the mess of soup and blood on the floor. “Well, Saren," she ground out, through nearly gritted teeth, trying to set hum on edge by using his first name. Pretending they were more than employer and employee. "That’s what happens when you send more than one karking team. If it wasn’t for you sending out all the bloody hounds in the galaxy to find her, this wouldn’t have happened!” 

Ines stood behind the projection, out of the shot that would include her for Saren to see, and twirled a blade between deft, blue fingers. 

“You assured me it wouldn’t be a problem," Saren snarled. "' _In and out_ ',” he mocked. “You’re fired! I’ll find someone else--”

“Two of my people are dead!”

“Not my problem.” 

“I’m going to track her down anyway. You fire me and I’ll just kill her myself and you’ll never get the information you want,” Teyla threatened. 

Saren’s image flickered and they stared at one another. “Fine. Bring her to me and I'll make sure you're paid." 

“Double it.” 

Another pause; Saren clenched his fists and took a deep breath. “Very well.” Saren leaned closer, trying to look menacing but with him being no bigger than her hand, she felt like she could squash him. She wouldn't hesitate if he was really there in front of her. "The sooner the better.” 

The transmission ended and Teyla stood, swiping her long hair behind her shoulder, save for the blue-green braids that refused to go and hung against her neck. “Burn this place and let’s go.” 

“We don’t even know who karking took her,” Ines argued. 

“No but I have a feeling that one of them saw something,” Teyla replied and they both turned to look at the group of five hunters on the floor; three dead and two bound and gagged in the corner. The two prisoners squirmed and glared up at them, one of them blinking rapidly against the bead of blood dripping down their eyebrow and clinging to their eyelashes. “Didn’t you?”

The other one leaned back against the wall, as if it could protect him. 

Ines pulled out the stun baton, set it to the highest setting, and activated it -- sparks crackling - the light reflected in the wide, round eyes of those on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE WE ARE... it's done... it's over! What do you think?
> 
> Credit song, if you wish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIvRDoAhKQg
> 
> **Special Thanks -- AKA "the credits":**  
> 
> 
> To Dasakuryo for such amazing art. I had expected a cover but you went the extra thousand miles to provide chapter banners and I so very much appreciate it! Thank you, thank you thank you!
> 
> To all the people who beta'ed and let me know what didn't work and supported me!  
> \- incognitajones  
> \- asunachinadoll  
> \- benthelastskywalker
> 
> To my consulting pals who helped me with medical details!  
> \- chickenchick  
> \- fulcrumstardust
> 
> and... 
> 
> To all the readers who gave me feedback through comments; your thoughtfulness and kindness made my 2020 so much better! Here's to the new year and I hope to see you for the next installment! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
> 
> _Remember: my ask box is open should anyone want to request a timestamp!_


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